Yesterday afternoon, I saw T.I. on VH1 explaining how the relatively lenient sentence he received for having all of those machine guns in his house, despite being an umpteen time felon, didn’t have anything to do with snitching, then I woke up and saw where he’d been busted for riding around with an entire redneck pharmacy’s worth of drugs a man of his means doesn’t have any business doing. Coincidence?
I thought I might watch live TV for the first time in like two years. I was especially bored, and it was raining pitchforks and dreaded n-word babies outside. The lawn could use some attention, but it’s just gonna have to wait. Flipping through channels, I saw where VH1 had something ostensibly hip-hop-related. It was one of those countdown shows where Amanda Diva explains to you the historical significance of “Planet Rock” and what have you. I watched like 90 seconds of it, before I turned it off, in part because of how retarded it was and in part because I’d already seen it like five years ago.
A few hours later I cut the TV back on, and it was still on VH1. Funny how that works. They were playing what looked like it might have been a T.I. episode of Behind the Music. I didn’t bother checking, but it was definitely something along those lines, and I do seem to recall hearing that they were bringing back Behind the Music, which I probably haven’t seen in a good 10 years, because so many rappers have been fucking up lately. DMX was gonna be one of the first new episodes. Is it pretty much an all black show now? I didn’t catch match of this either, except for some footage of T.I. on some radio show explaining how he couldn’t be a snitch, because there’s no such thing as a secret snitch, or else there wouldn’t be a such thing as the witness protection program (which just plain doesn’t make sense, but, um, yeah), and T.I. giving a press conference on a random street corner somewhere, explaining how he’s turned over a new leaf. No more crime for him. This is not gonna be like the five or six other times he’s been to jail.
To his credit, it’s not like he did anything other than ride around in a car with a shedload of drugs. I mean, I could see if he got caught building another ridonkulous arsenal of assault weapons. I’d be down at the courthouse myself lobbying to have him buried underneath the jail on GP. But anyone (in hip-hop) could get caught riding around with some drugs. The other day, when I was in Atlanta, I had to spend what seemed like two hours (but may have only been like 20 minutes), riding around with one of Mike Bigga’s weed carriers. I think the idea was that he could explain to me how to get where I was going, but this guy was barely conscious. I thought for certain he was going to waste the plate or fried chicken he was holding and end up costing me a small fortune in fees to clean my rental PT Cruiser, but he must have been concentrating very hard on holding it upright. There’s a distinct possibility he was holding.
No one really thinks T.I. is on meth, and ecstacy, and sizzurp and god knows what else they found in that Maybach. His diction is too strong. No homo. I’d go so far as to say he isn’t even on weed, except that he doesn’t exercise very strong judgment. Not that weed necessarily impairs your ability to make the best decisions. But smoking weed is a bad decision in and of itself, if you’re not allowed to smoke weed. Regardless of whether or not you think weed should be illegal, you can go to jail for it, and you could get locked up for a long time, if you’re like T.I., and you tend to go to jail every now and again. If he’s riding around in a car filled with pot smoking, what’s there to say he wasn’t smoking himself? He could say he didn’t have any idea about the meth and what have you (his wife is black, fer chrissakes), but it’s hard to claim you didn’t know about the weed, when 5-0 could smell it from the street.
When I woke up this morning, my inbox was filled with emails from these assholes who send you links to what’s new on their blogs every day of the week, when you don’t even read their blogs, you’ve never even been to them a day in your life. Every single one of them trumpeted the fact that T.I. had been arrested for possession of marijuana, in California. It didn’t make sense to me how T.I. could go to jail for some motherfucking weed, in California, where they sell weed in corner stores as if it was Big League Chew (which seems like a fucked up idea for candy, 20 years after the fact). I heard they don’t even bother arresting people for weed, because there’s no money to pay cops, and there’s no room in the jail, what with all of the cholo gangbangers and what have you. Then I checked Twitter and come to find out they had all of them white people drugs in the car. The car got pulled over for an illegal u-turn. The weed smell was the reason they decided to search the car. He could try to claim racial profiling, but it’s not like he’s never been caught with something illegal. Maybe the cop recognized him and figured he’d better go ahead and search the car. Roffle.