Please Jay-Z don’t hurt ‘em

Who knew MC Hammer would get so upset at Jay-Z for spitting a few bars about how he could afford to spend $30 million without becoming a cautionary tale on late ’90s-era VH1, like MC Hammer?

Rick Ross wrote an entire song about MC Hammer, presumably a song about how he goes around spending money all willy nilly, eating crab meats as if they were Lays potato chips, and hiring teams of hoo-ers to meet him on the ground when he shows up to the club in a helicopter. (I’ve actually seen him do this.) “MC Hammer” is a song about wasting money, right? I ask, because I honestly don’t know. I’m not as up on recent Rawse as I should be. I never did hear Teflon Don, though they may have played the entire thing at a strip club I went to with Mike Bigga. There was an old man there, it was his birthday, and he seemed to know all the lyrics to “BMF.” Not just the chorus, but the actual verses. It was an amazing thing to see. I can’t believe I couldn’t remember that, when I got back from Atlanta, but it’s just now coming back to me. That PCP-laced weed Mike Bigga made me smoke must finally be exiting my system. I wonder if UPS is hiring.

(Also, I wonder if it really was that old guy’s birthday, or if he just says that when he goes to strip clubs. If it’s the latter, he’s even more of a genius than I thought. I might have to try that the next time I’m over on the Eastside. Who knows, it might be good for a “freebie.”)

Jay-Z probably got the idea for his line about MC Hammer from Rick Ross. You know how Jay-Z stays ripping people. I wonder if that will get its own chapter in this book he’s got coming out, Decoded. Nah, right? Rawse in particular seems to be a real inspiration to Jay-Z – maybe because he exaggerates the extent to which he was involved in the drug business. That song they did on Teflon Don about how Jay-Z isn’t a member of the Illuminati (I’m sure Beyonce’s prayer circle would disapprove) but Rawse would like you to believe that he is was the first time Jay-Z spit something that really impressed me in a long time, maybe since I was essentially a child. And like Jay-Z, I’m no spring chicken. I’m getting dangerously close to 30 – possibly closer than I am to 28 at this point. I’d have to check a calendar.

Then there’s the fact that Jay-Z kinda had a point. MC Hammer had $30 million, and he lost all of it, plus some, seemingly overnight. So fuck him. [||] If there’s a theme to this late summer/early autumn, it’s been people wanting us to feel sorry for them after they did some shit that was just downright stupid. First, there was T.I., driving himself around in a car your not even supposed to drive yourself around in, with ecstasy in his pocket, even though he had his wife AND his weed carrier in the car. I guess he was worried the two of them might take it themselves and not save any for him, even though it probably wouldn’t take as much to get him rolling as it was take a brother such as myself. Now, MC Hammer wants up to sympathize with him, because someone pointed out that he threw away $30 million, 20 years ago. Meanwhile, that’s about the only thing anyone has said about MC Hammer since I’ve been out of grade school. If I wanted to, I could probably find other examples, as well. This is, after all, rap music. For example, there was Soulja Boy laying up with Kat Stacks, like brothers on a hotel bed, and then getting pissed off because people thought he was on drugs. At least that would have been an excuse. (But I still hope he sues Miss Info.)

Maybe MC Hammer is pissed at Jay-Z, because Jay-Z has been able to get away with all of the things MC Hammer got dissed for back in the day. MC Hammer made corny pop songs and got mocked in a video by 3rd Bass. Jay-Z makes corny pop songs and gets to drop his children off in and on Beyonce’s gigantic pooper. MC Hammer did commercials for Pepsi, Taco Bell and what have you, and was viewed as a sell out piece of shit. Jay-Z’s entire life is pretty much a commercial at this point, and he’s viewed as a sell out piece of shit, but only by a few random haters on the Internets. Otherwise, he’s viewed as a business genius. He was even on the cover of this year’s Forbes 400 issue with Warren Buffet. I could see why MC Hammer would be upset with Jay-Z. He lowered the standard, and hence opened doors for people like Jay-Z. If he would have come along 10 years later than he did, he might be on the Forbes 400 list himself. But as it is, he just didn’t have the same opportunity. I don’t even understand how he only made $30 million, and Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em went diamond-plus. Didn’t Yung Joc make like $16 million for “It’s Going Down.” MC Hammer might want to check with the accounting department at Capitol Records, if there’s still such a thing. I think I see a way out of this.

  • Officer Ricky

    You’re under arrest for blogging! Freeze nigga!

    • The Decatur Dictator

      LOl! Put down the lotion and step away from the laptop sir.

  • Anonymous

    Hahahaha funny shit this time BOWL

  • cmoney91

    awesome post Bol

  • J_man

    Real post…

  • weaksauce

    im actually kinda surprised you know who yung joc is

  • J Blazin

    Good post boi. As far as mc hammer hating on jay z, u might be right boi. But jayz aint as corny as hammer was/is when they”sell out”

  • jim

    good post Bol, but wtf happened to all the other bloggers on the site?

  • dat k00n nigga

    its a Bol MOVEMENT

  • Gemz

    “I think I see a way out of this.”
    ^^^^
    Please enlighten us. I’m interested.

  • BIGNAT

    (I’m sure Beyonce’s prayer circle would disapprove)ROFL good post bol

  • Q461

    MC Hammer by Rick Ross is def about Ross being so G and spending money recklessly. Supposedly Jay is mad that Hammer called him out for tellin the world autotune is dead,when other niggaz were eatin off autotune still. Some shit like that. Hammer used to get clowned by 3rd bass, Too short, etc. LL cool J called Hammer his old gym teacher in to da break of dawn.

    The funny thing is if Hammer disses Jay and Jay replies when Jay ignored cats like Game, 50, Beans, lol. I mean, how much credit can a nigga get for goin at Hammer? he’s been a punchline for like 20 years.

  • http://www.therealshyt.com/ JCITYHUSTLA617

    JAYZ WILL LIVE FOREVER LUCIFER WILL MAKE SURE OF IT

  • bazaar

    saying mc hammer lowered the standard reminds me of a sketch from mad tv. it was aries spears as mc hammer and snoop dogg himself was there. aries went off script and said to snoop, in character, “without me, you wouldn’t be here”. snoop gave him a “nigga what” type of look.

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    Dick Lawst thinks he’s everyone but what he is: an ex-C.O. who prolly never sold more than a key of dope… Jay-Z is a product of perfect timing (being the most savvy MC after the deaths of Pac & Big.) Next time you’re in ATL, Bol, hit up the Gold Rush & the Crazy Horse — you’ll have a blast.

    • sATaLyte

      ^do not…oh wait a sec, he likes boney white chicks…

  • nicholasdelorejo

    That last paragraph was some real shit. This must have been why 50 was going at Ross so hard. Dude became famous for being a fraud whereas 50 has been called a snitch right and left and had nine bullet wounds to certify his gangsta qualifications. I think if Hammer had kept his financese in check, he would’ve been in Jay’s position (even if Biggie were alive). And the funny thing is that Jay is really follow the path that was paved by Kanye (making friendly, wholesome rap music straying as far away from hood life). I remember how folks used to say how Kanye was the next MC Hammer except Kanye doesn’t seem to mismanage his money and his only flaw (and possibly his greatest strength) is his media outburst that give him publicity. Maybe Hammer’s anger is directed at the wrong person.

  • http://xxlmag.com goatmouth

    Bol smokes the black dust, Ha!

  • Mpho

    Yeah Bol, JayZ stay bitin people. So i’m always skeptical when i hear a dope bar from him. i was impressed by the Free Mason track, where he spits “Bitch I said I’m amazin, Not that i’m a Mason”, that was tight, come to find out Trey Songz spit that shit waaay back in 07.. Fuck you Jay-Z

    • Gesh

      Ouch…for real?

  • Floyd Right

    That Decoded book kinda reminds me of that other book, “How to Rap: The Art & Science of the Hip-Hop MC”, that’s a dope read if you haven’t got it already

  • that nigga

    Question? How are we supposed to read a Jay Z book: Decoded, to decipher rhymes when half of his rhymes are recycled?

  • alderman j

    He responded to HAMMER, for TWO reasons, Its somebody in his AGE class, and he knows HAMMER cant and wont do nothing!!! Jay picks his battles!! Last time he went in with a heavyweight he GOT SERVED!!!! ……….NAS>HAMMER

    • Anonymous

      LOL

  • The Esteemed Mike Bigga

    Thanks for the shout out all my Smoke is Organic and Local! No Kook shit over here Bro. LOL..LOL

    Great Read. Salute!

  • Dick B.

    Jay-Z does make some corny pop songs; reference: 95% of Blueprint 3.

  • Rosa B

    Anyone member watching Hammerman on Saturday morning cartoons? I do! Tell me Hammer ain’t the shit. . . I don’t see Jigga with a saturday morning time slot. Shout out to C-Bear and Jamal! Whad up Tone Loc!

  • rosa b

    where’s your saturday morning cartoon Jigga? you ain’t made it til you have a cartoon depicted. . . word to Tone Loc! C Bear and Jamal!!

  • http://dlt90s.com DANJ!

    This is gonna be hilarious as fuck, so I wanna hear it… but this nigga ain’t serious. Wonder if it’ll be as comical as that Eminem dis he did in ’04.

    -D!

  • Paul Beezy

    Don’t forget it was BIG who said “You can’t touch my riches- even if you had MC Hammer and them 357 bitches”

  • Barney Rubble

    Umm, i think you sound like an idiot personally. But hey, this is your blog and your opinion. The rap game has changed and if you’re still one of those dummies who keep shouting “sell out” well, you havent grown up at all. Hip Hop has. Its become a ginormous industry. Jay Z, Diddy, TI, Latifah, LL, Will Smith and so many others used their brains and did what they were supposed to do…..GROW. Life itself is about growth. How can you grow if you keep doing the same thing over and over? Hammer didnt learn that lesson but to his defense, he didnt really have the right influence and people around him to help him see that. Hammer was Hip hops sacrificial lamb. We learned what Not to do when you make all of that money. Hammer lost his fortune so that others could live. hes the Jesus of Hip Hop…..Im joking, but seriously, we learned from his mistakes and hip hop is better for it. Im tired of hearing about the purity of rap and Afrikka Bambatta and the Cold Crush and this and that. Music changes. You dont hear Rock bands or blues acts complaining about the purity of the art form. they just grow

  • Anonymous

    Rap artist dont ripp from other artist, its hip hop.
    Thats a way to keep those good rhymes alive. Dont hate because of that