Why You Should Never Include 50 Cent In Your Dinner Plans

I’ve fully become convinced that 50 Cent is the Eric Cartman of rap.

With all due respect to the guy (in the sense that I don’t want to be openly mocked on the Internets and/or slapped out in front of my neighborhood deli as if I was Jimmy Henchman’s child), but he’s since traded in his trademark brand of “aggressive content” for something a little less warmongering and a lot more doofy. His style of beaf has regressed from being able to fully shut down an artist’s momentum to something resembling an elementary school bully teasing his adversary for the sake of public approval, while the music he made has suffered greatly in the process.

Still, artists want to inexplicably engage in it, knowing that there’s virtually no reason to do so. Never mind Shyne ironically sounds like a dying Lloyd Banks in all of the songs he’s released this year; dropping Curtis’ name in that song “Belize” just was not good for business, and per usual 50 responded by party-crashing Shyne’s conference call, of which I’m sure you all have seen the visual evidence of.

For the record, getting shot in the mouth > shooting a woman in the face. In terms of sheer ballsiness, however, shooting a woman in the face is just insane. Like, you have to have some kind of lingering issue within you to want to do that in the name of self-defense. I’m not saying I support shooting a woman in the face at all; I’m just saying.

Where was I?

Regardless, I thought these type of antics were only reserved for high school ruffians, not multi-millionaires deep into their thirties. Still, the fact artists who caught 50’s wrath are still talking about it some years later still amazes me. Ja Rule, known nowadays as what I like to call “The Example,” spoke on how he was still affected by their now legendary squabble:

“I feel like everybody deserves a second chance to do whatever. Really, I feel that my situation was an unfair situation. A very unique, very odd situation. Nobody ever seen anything like that in Hip Hop, you know?”

He’s right; nobody had ever seen anything like that in years. But this isn’t 2003, and I feel that if Ja had simply ignored 50 and continued to churn out cuts the way Rick Ross and Lil Wayne – also targets of Curtis’ ire – have done, I’m sure he would be in a different situation than the one he is in now.

While being on 50’s bad side isn’t the best thing in the world, it’s now become akin to an annoying paper cut. What’s so hard about throwing some Neosporin on a Band-Aid and keeping it pushing, though?