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What’s Brian Pumper got to do with it?

Brian Pumper had the foresight to drop a load (argh!) on Laurence Fishburne’s daughter Montana Fishburne a/k/a Chippy D a good two weeks before her video with Vivid, and now the front page of World Star (where I get my news) is filled with people talking shit about him. Tha fuck?

There’s a video of a woman who looks like she’d be an absolute chore to have sex with, even if you like women who bring a little something extra to the table (nhjic), talking about how she was disappointed with him, because he didn’t do enough to support her extra large frame when she was riding reverse cowgirl, despite the fact he’s so built. Can’t you just sit straight up during that? Nullus. That sounds like a personal problem.

There’s a video where some guys get on him for wearing a lot of fake jewelry – which makes me wonder about the economics of being an independent black pr0n producers. Because I’d seen that video of him and Chippy D at a Panera Bread, rocking out to the smooth sounds of “Life in a Northern Town” by Dream Academy, talking about how he came to be such a successful producer of pr0n films, I just assumed he was making money hand over first. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might not be able to afford real jewelry. Is Brian Pumper really the pr0n mogul he’d like us to think he is, or is he just some guy who shoots his own pr0n and pays the $1,000 or whatever it costs to have it printed up on DVD? I’ve never seen anything he’s been involved with, but that could be because the pr0n I enjoy, just like the rap music I enjoy, is intended primarily for white.

Another video on World Star this weekend has this extremely attractive German woman talking about how Pumper tried to pay a woman to take a shit on him, Danny Thomas-style, and then he didn’t want to pay for it, perhaps because he didn’t have the money. I found this one disturbing because it’s almost certainly true. If it had been some American chick talking about how he tried to get her to squeeze out a link into his mouth, it could have been a matter of her trying to rack her brain for the nastiest, most pathetic thing she could think of him doing. Bill Hicks once famously accused Rush Limbaugh of being a scat muncher. But you know those German people are into that shit. (Or so I’ve been told.) It might have something to do with World War II. If you notice, all of the countries we beat in WWII are filled with pervs. The Japanese might be the worst.

Jamie Foxx even tried to get in on the action, clowning Chippy D for having weird marks on her ass, and calling Brian Pumper the worst rapper of all time (of ALL TIME), or something to that effect, on the show he does every now and again (or do I just hear about it every now and again?) or Sirius Satellite Radio. Chippy D heard about the booty braille remarks and struck back via Twitter, suggesting Jamie might be on the DL. The fact that she probably didn’t hear about it on the Howard Stern Show (back when he said that shit about Gabba Ray Sebadoh) means those rumors must be pretty widespread. Maybe Brian Pumper can incorporate them into his next freestyle. He put one out the other day taking shots at Jay-Z and Beyonce, presumably to capitalize on the pub he’s received for “discovering” Chippy D. He might need to put out another one, to address all of these haters.

It sounds to me like typical crabs in the barrel BS: it’s one thing if Laurence Fishburne’s daughter pretty much ruins his life, on his birthday even, by going into pr0n, but don’t let a black man make a few dollars from it. You don’t see a buncha people on World Star talking shit about the cracka-ass crackas at Vivid, now do you? They probably did some nasty shit in Germany. Even Chippy D is trying to distance herself from Brian Pumper. In an interview with the site Black Voices, she tried to make it seem as if she hadn’t even done a film with him. They asked her about Brian Pumper, and she was like, “Yeah, we did a music video together.” Um, newsflash! The Brian Pumper-Chippy D pr0n is already on World Star, edited into a sort of highlight reel, just like the Caviar from For the Love of Ray J pr0n, as I predicted here a week ago. She said Pumper took advantage of her, probably because of the way he’s been trying to capitalize on her fame, and because Vivid is a much more prestigious company than Freaky Empire. But if she was really so adamant about Montana Exposed being her first film, I’m sure that could have been arranged. It’s not like anyone’s gonna buy the Brian Pumper film. That situation could have worked out well for everyone involved. Well, relatively speaking.

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