What’s Brian Pumper got to do with it?

Brian Pumper had the foresight to drop a load (argh!) on Laurence Fishburne’s daughter Montana Fishburne a/k/a Chippy D a good two weeks before her video with Vivid, and now the front page of World Star (where I get my news) is filled with people talking shit about him. Tha fuck?

There’s a video of a woman who looks like she’d be an absolute chore to have sex with, even if you like women who bring a little something extra to the table (nhjic), talking about how she was disappointed with him, because he didn’t do enough to support her extra large frame when she was riding reverse cowgirl, despite the fact he’s so built. Can’t you just sit straight up during that? Nullus. That sounds like a personal problem.

There’s a video where some guys get on him for wearing a lot of fake jewelry – which makes me wonder about the economics of being an independent black pr0n producers. Because I’d seen that video of him and Chippy D at a Panera Bread, rocking out to the smooth sounds of “Life in a Northern Town” by Dream Academy, talking about how he came to be such a successful producer of pr0n films, I just assumed he was making money hand over first. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might not be able to afford real jewelry. Is Brian Pumper really the pr0n mogul he’d like us to think he is, or is he just some guy who shoots his own pr0n and pays the $1,000 or whatever it costs to have it printed up on DVD? I’ve never seen anything he’s been involved with, but that could be because the pr0n I enjoy, just like the rap music I enjoy, is intended primarily for white.

Another video on World Star this weekend has this extremely attractive German woman talking about how Pumper tried to pay a woman to take a shit on him, Danny Thomas-style, and then he didn’t want to pay for it, perhaps because he didn’t have the money. I found this one disturbing because it’s almost certainly true. If it had been some American chick talking about how he tried to get her to squeeze out a link into his mouth, it could have been a matter of her trying to rack her brain for the nastiest, most pathetic thing she could think of him doing. Bill Hicks once famously accused Rush Limbaugh of being a scat muncher. But you know those German people are into that shit. (Or so I’ve been told.) It might have something to do with World War II. If you notice, all of the countries we beat in WWII are filled with pervs. The Japanese might be the worst.

Jamie Foxx even tried to get in on the action, clowning Chippy D for having weird marks on her ass, and calling Brian Pumper the worst rapper of all time (of ALL TIME), or something to that effect, on the show he does every now and again (or do I just hear about it every now and again?) or Sirius Satellite Radio. Chippy D heard about the booty braille remarks and struck back via Twitter, suggesting Jamie might be on the DL. The fact that she probably didn’t hear about it on the Howard Stern Show (back when he said that shit about Gabba Ray Sebadoh) means those rumors must be pretty widespread. Maybe Brian Pumper can incorporate them into his next freestyle. He put one out the other day taking shots at Jay-Z and Beyonce, presumably to capitalize on the pub he’s received for “discovering” Chippy D. He might need to put out another one, to address all of these haters.

It sounds to me like typical crabs in the barrel BS: it’s one thing if Laurence Fishburne’s daughter pretty much ruins his life, on his birthday even, by going into pr0n, but don’t let a black man make a few dollars from it. You don’t see a buncha people on World Star talking shit about the cracka-ass crackas at Vivid, now do you? They probably did some nasty shit in Germany. Even Chippy D is trying to distance herself from Brian Pumper. In an interview with the site Black Voices, she tried to make it seem as if she hadn’t even done a film with him. They asked her about Brian Pumper, and she was like, “Yeah, we did a music video together.” Um, newsflash! The Brian Pumper-Chippy D pr0n is already on World Star, edited into a sort of highlight reel, just like the Caviar from For the Love of Ray J pr0n, as I predicted here a week ago. She said Pumper took advantage of her, probably because of the way he’s been trying to capitalize on her fame, and because Vivid is a much more prestigious company than Freaky Empire. But if she was really so adamant about Montana Exposed being her first film, I’m sure that could have been arranged. It’s not like anyone’s gonna buy the Brian Pumper film. That situation could have worked out well for everyone involved. Well, relatively speaking.

  • SOMETHIN NEW

    Dude,you seriously needs some help with talking about prOn all the time and actually find a female.Now i see why you hate all the time.Being fat and lonely and having no real writing skills or friends would make me do the same things you do.Pron is fantasy,all in the end it’s about getting a paycheck.

    Like anyone here gives a fuck about some dude named Brian Pumper?Please retire.

  • http://twitter.com/michaelbjordan THE UNDERWRITER

    Oh, and it’s shaved.

    • Phillmatic

      Greatest song title of all time.

  • Phillmatic

    Brian Pumper has got the annoying habit of ruining an entire scene by saying dumb shit directly into the camera.

    And he can’t rap for shit.

  • Grammar Nazi

    “I just assumed he was making money hand over first.”

    It’s “fist”

    “on the show he does every now and again (or do I just hear about it every now and again?) or Sirius Satellite Radio.”

    “on” Sirius

    • Anonymous

      No Verbs for you!!!

  • Dub

    Ay no lie, I find Pumper hilarious, I miss characters like this, not the cringe-worthy ones like Soulja Boy and Juiceman… All dude wants to do is make music about slammin hoes, which he does… I watch nigga vids, the way he bops hard as hell and dances off beat cracks me the hell up.Get money my nigga, BOL you need to get a bitch to take that anger out.

  • http://definitelyeatinb.tumblr.com B

    Funny post… I never noticed the relationship between pervs and WWII until now… the Bukakke Theory.

  • fastflipper

    yes we all know he CANT rap but hes mad funny….trying to do a shout out to 50…

    and his video clip….with a choppa suit on or his pink polo….it mkae me ROFL

    another good post bol

  • http://hotasballs.wordpress.com steezolini

    bol, once again.youv’e hit the nail on the head.
    no homo, so homo, so macho, gaspacho.

  • cmoney91

    good post Bol and lol about brian pumper (funny last name)and WWII.

  • dave the dope fiend

    @ Flipper
    That was a mean ass “choppa suit”.

  • brian pumper

    ima make a new video dissin yo pussy ass nigga WATCH ME

  • Cal

    The “funny” thing about pumper is that he really, really wants to be taken seriously.

    • O-Packs

      Its hard to believe.I wish his friends would tell him the truth but they don’t which makes them accessory to this crime.Do him a favor and end this sub-talent show quality line of shit. That “rhymes and dimes”shit is on vol.14.14 damn it!That means no one told him shit the past 13 joints?Shit makes Drake look like Nas.

  • Blackaristocrat

    This new format is NOT a good look….

    • Lowedwn

      co-sign…not agood look at all

  • black

    Brian Pumper:Lawrence Fishburne you a doll…

    EPIC FAIL OF THE CENTURY…

  • icerock

    the new layout of the site is practically broken, shit dont work in chrome or IE.

    TECH SUPPORT!

  • G-2

    You thought your boy Biggie was joking in that skit about how that girl wanted him to take a shit on her stomach? I’m sure the proportion of so-called “pervs”(the only people I consider “pervs” are people that prey on others, like rapists and chesters, consenting adults with mutual fetishes are fine with me no matter what they do) in America is about the same as it is in any other country (in some ways higher, America has more rapes than most other industrialized nations, but I guess crime is higher in general in America than it is in any other industrialized nation). It’s just that those countries have more freedom of speech than we do, so people who have a given fetish are allowed to make sexual movies by and for other people with the same fetish. In America, the so-called land of individual freedom and free speech, that’s not the case. The government bars it. That’s the main difference (and people are probably more mature in those other countries, so they don’t go around “ooh-in” and “ahh-in” over people’s fetishes, and talking about how “gross” it is yet they can’t stop talking about and obssessing about it.).

  • real talk

    I can’t hate on B.Pumper. He makes $$$ having sex with women (dream job). And he’s lyrically better than Wacka Flocka, Gucci, and Soulja Boy. Says alot about Hip Hop i guess.