Sniff that Soulja Boy

It just occurred to me that there must be a lot of people in hip-hop who have the means to do cocaine who don’t, because they think it’s bad for you or some shit. This, in the same community where everyone’s constantly high on weed and strapped with guns. (I thought weed was supposed to make you peaceful)? Tha fuck?

Yesterday, perhaps while I was having mediocre chicken wings at my new favorite restaurant of all time (of ALL TIME), Tilted Kilt, a video surfaced of Kat Stacks taking us on an MTV Cribs-style tour of Soulja Boy’s classy hotel room here in Atlanta. I know that’s where I read about it on Twitter.

You’d think Soulja Boy had been caught letting Kat Stacks stick two fingers in his ass or some shit. No one really described what happened in the video, I guess because you could see for yourself if you were at a computer or on a cell phone that plays videos from World Star – all I kept hearing was how devastating it was for him.

Turns out all he did was leave a gigantic pile of coke out, where Kat Stacks could have sniffed it, or stolen it, or sneezed on it, like Woody Allen that time he went out to LA, in the movie Annie Hall, (Cam’ron knows what I’m talking about), while he was in the shower thoroughly washing his junk, in case Kat Stacks had the clap or some shit.

I’ve heard that you can pretty much fuck without a rubber, as long as you thoroughly wash your junk both before and afterward. But I read that on Street Carnage, so I’m not sure if it’s definitely true or not. It seems like a reputable enough site (it’s taught me a lot of things over the years), it’s just that I’ve yet to verify it on an actual medical site, or run it by a board certified physician like Dr. Drew Pinsky. I’d ask my primary care doctor, but my parents go to the same place. I can’t have them thinking I’m out here making bad decisions. Er, bad decisions that aren’t career-related.

It wouldn’t be the first time I found out that something I learned in 8th grade health class with Mr. Arico was some ol’ bullshit, but merely the latest in a long line of such revelations, including the fact that guys don’t really get AIDS from banging chicks via the main entry, and the fact that pulling out is more or less as effective a form of birth control as wearing a rubber. In retrospect, the dead giveaway should have been the fact that the curriculum was based primarily around the ’80s version of Degrassi Jr. High (before there was a such thing as a Drake).

Similarly, I suspect that most of what we know about cocaine is wrong. I’ve never had a positive experience with it a day in my life, but that’s probably because I was getting bad shit. I’ve heard that half the time it’s just meth cut with Johnson’s Baby Powder or some shit. (God forbid it was all meth). I wouldn’t be surprised, given some of the white people I’ve worked with over the years. That’s probably what took out the late, great (actually dead) Jay Reatard. But then you have guys like Mick Fleetwood, who once claimed to have spent $8 million on coke over the course of his lifetime. I don’t think he was bragging. It sounded like he had his accountant go in and figure out just how much he’d spent on coke over the years.

I read somewhere recently, possibly in reference to Eminem, who’s had his problems with prescription drugs over the years, that if you only fuck with natural drugs, as opposed to shit like vicodin, the effect on your body is relatively minimal and reversible: you kick it for 10 months or whatever, and you liver regenerates itself. That’s how Keef Richards has been on heroin since the ’60s and he’s yet to drop dead. But if you get hooked on some of this shit the Illuminati put together in a laboratory, it somehow rewires your brain. This can be proved at least anecdotally by going to a certain kind of party. People on cocaine look mad healthy, if a bit fidgety. Lindsay Lohan never looked so good as when she got locked up recently for violating the terms of her probation. Those pictures she did for Complex gave me an instant semi- – which doesn’t happen as often these days. It has to be a very special women. I haven’t seen any pictures of her lately, though I’m sure she only did like three days or some shit, but I doubt she looked any better when she got out.

I’d write a letter to my congressman, if I thought the government was actually concerned with making people healthier. If they were, they’d send us all vouchers to get into strip clubs for free. Strip clubs have been proven scientifically to make men healthy. Visit healthystripclubs.com to download a copy of the report, as well a pass for one complimentary admission. Nhjic.

The government might also educate black people on the benefits of sniffing cocaine, at least relative to half of the other shit black people do on the reg. Not only is the sentencing for possession way more lenient than crack, but it’s probably not nearly as bad for you as you’d think, to hear how surprised Kat Stacks was to find it in Soulja Boy’s hotel room. Amazingly (given these guys’ income), that must have been the first time she found coke in a rapper’s hotel room. It must be one of those things, like swimming, where black people haven’t been into it historically, so every now and then it costs one of us our lives. It used to be that it was prohibitively expensive, but black people are a lot more well off than we used to be. If black women spent half what they spent on hair weave on cocaine, who knows, they might slim down some.

Priorities, people!

  • texasmade

    Tilted Kilt= Boobies.

    • S.Beezy

      YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

  • harmen

    most of these rappers are coked out ..but i might be wrong it could just be these young idiots (oj, waka,lil b)
    but still i wouldnt expect deandre too do coke haaa
    just another way the society is being dumbed down using drugs
    btw bol what does nhjic mean

    • Str8 Thugga

      nobody has jism in compton,

      its a phrase that means thugs shoot blanks.

      • http://www.bboycult.com Don mcCaine

        nhjic=no homo just in case

      • G-2

        I just assumed it meant “no head jig in charge”.

  • Gerv

    Now we know where he gets the energy to dance a whole show!

  • Worley

    “where Kat Stacks could have sniffed it, or stolen it, or sneezed on it,”

    or spilled liquor on it like that guy in Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down.

  • Don Juan

    Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down. Funny Movie

  • El Tico Loco

    As soon as I saw the video it had Bol Blog written all over it.

  • yoprince

    yea.. black ppl can’t seem to differentiate btw coke and crack/heroin.. except for those who cooked/dealt/used crack, and apparently some of these new school rappers.

    pull some coke out around some buppies and they get all nervous and uppity.

    coke = weed (in terms of danger), except coke is much better to party on.

    you’re a cool dude, bol. an asshole, but cool.

    • PDX

      no, weed and coke are not even close to the smae in terms of danger…

      • yoprince

        “In 1995 the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Interregional Crime and Justice Research Institute (UNICRI) announced in a press release the publication of the results of the largest global study on cocaine use ever undertaken. However, a decision by an American representative in the World Health Assembly banned the publication of the study, because it seemed to make a case for the positive uses of cocaine. An excerpt of the report strongly conflicted with accepted paradigms, for example “that occasional cocaine use does not typically lead to severe or even minor physical or social problems.”"

        - see?

  • Otto

    Coke is retarded. Ecstasy is better.

  • Townbizz

    It’s true. If you don’t have any cuts on your pole and if she doesn’t have any cuts in or on her cat….its almost impossible for a male to contract HIV (from a women who has it) by hitting some in the cooch. If that’s not true then you could catch HIV from drinking after someone who has it and we all know that’s not true. But if you hit the duke shoot raw that’s another ball game. There’s a lot blood vessel around the ass so you your chances increase a lot. And I mean a lot. Remember the virus passes through blood and fluid but mainly blood and butt holes are filled with tiny little blood vessel that break while having butt sex. That’s why they used to call it Gay Cancer. And that’s why it more prevalent in the gay community. Magic Johnson wife doesn’t have HIV. Do you really think Magic isn’t hitting that or hit that raw before he knew he had the monster? She just didn’t play that in the butt stuff. Moral of the story don’t ever hit the butt raw and you’ll be OK.

  • Bronxbomma

    Smart dumb niggas still fucking with Kat Stacks. Leaving coke on the table next to the finished plate of chitlins and all that. This kids album must be coming out in a few weeks because even he can’t be that dumb. Or can he?

  • Listen to this idiot if you want to

    Bol, you sound like that dumb ass African President who said he couldn’t have gotten AIDS from that HIV positive woman that he raped because he took a shower afterwards. That’s why Africa is so fucked the fucked up, it’s ruled by pig-headed, impossibly arrogant dumbasses…just like the streets and the Rap world. Believe this shit Bol is telling you if you want to, but I wouldn’t believe shit until you get proof that Bol is having vag sex with a chick with AIDS and ISN’T getting HIV. I’ve never heard of a white person for example believing such stupid shit, and you see their AIDS rate is low than a motherfucka. Blacks? Not so much. As if the AIDS rate among black Americans wasn’t high enough, you really wanna start following after dumb ass Africans, where the average life expectancy is like 30 in some countries because all the frickin parents are dying of AIDS? Keep listening to this dumb ass no pussy getting know it all nigga Bol. He’ll be safe because he can’t get no pussy, you might not be so lucky.

    • Vakuru Chaivo

      You are full of shit. What does Africa have to do with Bol’s stupid post?

      • Listen to this idiot if you want to

        Said that nigga that wants to fuck some HIV pussy and be convinced by Bol that he has nothing to worry about. He sounds the same as those stupid motherfuckas in charge in Africa, about the same issue. That’s what it has to do with Africa. Follow the current events nigga. The leaders over there been on similar shit over there for years.

        • retards on strike

          first of all, he was acquitted of the rape charge. secondly he had a public hiv test that revealed he was negative. before you implore people to keep up on current events check you’re not legally dumb first.

        • Listen to this idiot if you want to

          I know the nigga lucked up and didn’t catch HIV (nobody said you’re assured to catch it every time), but keep fucking around and he likely will, and as I’m sure you know, a whole lot of people over there do, and it’s not because they’re all effin each other in the A.

  • Sha

    Bol you are quite possibly the lamest writer on XXL online. Your blogs get the least comments. Please XXL find someone who just doesn’t post blogs for shock factor. This company is going down the same road Vibe did. Used to LOVE XXL

    • Bol

      You sure do love to cry like a little girl and I really enjoy it.

  • Mutada Mullah Atari

    or on a cell phone that plays videos from World Star … Yep HTC EVO 4G with Froyo, bathroom stall at work today, with headphones. Fuck the Iphone.

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  • HellNaw

    The homies in Boliva and Peru have been sucking on coca leaves for a good while and they seem aight.

    But the homie Houston gets lit off the PCP and he’s trying leap tall buildings in a single bound and popping his eye out with a fork.smh.

  • jesus

    i love the tilted kilt!

  • d.a.r.e.

    Coke is just as dangerous as crack/meth/heroin/sherm, you aint gettin no pure coke, its just powdered crack you fiends, you dont even know what else is in that shit

    Weed, pills, alcohol are safe as far as drugs go

    I would never snort a line, but i will pop 1 and 1/2 blue dolphins, smoke a few kush blunts and drink

    Hard drugs are for lames

    • J

      ^^^^^

      Idiot. Like you can really tell what’s in a “blue dolphin”? Did you make it yourself? Seriously, pills? Get a clue. Heath Ledger, anyone?

      Drugs are drugs. Period.

  • Otto

    ^^^ Ain’t no sleeping pills that are blue with dolphin stamps. Just know the product (pill kits)! Also, be the producer, not the consumer, too.

  • kedordu

    I DUNNO HE OBV WANTED TO LOOSE HIS KIDDIEBOY IMAGE . SO ITS NOT A BAD THING THAT HE GOT CAUGHT WITH BLOW . ITLL BE MORE PATHETIC IF IT WAS FAKE . U NEVER KNOW WITH THESE RETARDS

  • El Tico Loco

    Kat Stacks and Bol in the same city? Lord help us.

  • SmokinAces

    I don’t know if any of you smart people realize but crack is a by product of cocaine. In fact, it’s more like cocaine lite really. It’s just that 1) the high is faster so you crave more of it and 2) it is more prominent around poorer neighborhoods where people will commit crime in order to get it. And if you think you can’t get AIDS from straight fucking, ask the dude in Britan who got the shit from that pop singer over there.

    And what people on coke you know look healthy Bol? Come in man. There’s a difference between being controversial and being irresponsible. You got these impressionable little niggas like yoprince and townbizz thinking some dumb shit.

    • yoprince

      you’re an idiot.

      how are you going to call something “lite” when the high comes faster and is more intense? and when it is more addictive?

      Crack is a freebase form of cocaine with the actual cocaine hydrochloride removed during the cooking process, leaving just the stronger leftover alkaloid. this makes it much more potent, which in turn makes it impossible to do in moderation.

      cocaine, in its pure form, or just stepped on with a basic sugar is very possible to do in moderation.

      unlike you, i’ve been to college. a good one. with some rich, smart kids. and i’ve seen plenty of people who used cocaine MODERATELY and were perfectly healthy.

      you’re the one who’s impressionable. you believe everything your d.a.r.e. teacher taught you at the local ymca in Every Project, U.S.A.

  • http://www.5thandprospect.com kwan

    i don’t agree with you about the aids, yet, but you and yoprince are dead on it about the white girl.btw those lines seemed a little to thick to be real.

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  • http://youtube.com/reelmuzik ReelMuzikRep

    Crazy Article…lol…come to youtube.com/reelmuzik to get your mind off getting Aids, and on getting PAID! Stop smashing raw…and make some good music! lol hit us up for beats… reelmuzikrep@gmail.com -GoodMike

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