Put down the candy and let the little boy go

Who else was disappointed to realize that Kanye West’s remix of Justin Bieber’s “Runaway Love,” featuring Raekwon, almost certainly didn’t involve Justin Bieber going into the studio with the two rappers, getting a contact high from Raekwon’s PCP-laced blunt, if not a full-on drag, and talking about women with especially large cans with Kanye West?

They could have shared some stories about Kim Kardashian. Bieber could have asked Kanye if he hit that (yet), and Kanye could have asked Bieber if he at least motorboated her. If not, Kanye could have given him some advice on how to turn that dream into reality – the same advice I was trying to give him on Twitter the other day.

Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian have been spotted in public together on a number of occasions. It’s obvious the only reason she hangs around him is for the free publicity. I’m sure it’s cool with him, regardless of the reason why she comes around, because who would complain about any attention at all from a woman built like a Sherman tank, let alone one who’s been known to get around. Those are pretty much the two main things I look for in a woman. But what does Bieber really get from this arrangement, if an actual boink is probably out of the question? (I read somewhere the other day where she said that she definitely would date him, if he were 18. Which I took to mean that she’s got a lot out of hanging around him, it’s too bad she can’t actually fuck him, legally).

I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard that Kim Kardashian makes as much as $40 million a year, just from going around and letting people take pictures of her huge ass. Or is that how much she’s made overall? Either way, it’s not like she actually did anything, other than keep her name in the papers. Hence pretending to be friends with Justin Bieber. If I were him, I’d demand to shove my head between her huge cans and oscillate my head back and forth until I had a mild concussion, or else she can find someone else as popular as he is at this point to pretend to be friends with. (Good luck). I’m surprised he hasn’t already thought of that himself. He’s 16 years old, not 9. I thought teenage boys were supposed to be obsessed with cans? His management might be putting something in his water supply, to keep him from accidentally raping one of his fans. I know if girls were sweating me like that when I was that age, there probably would have been “an incident.”

I thought Justin Bieber and Kanye were cool, because I saw on Twitter where Bieber mentioned on Twitter that he was born in 1994, and Kanye replied that he started banging chicks in 1994, and so of course I joked that Kanye might be Justin Bieber’s father. But come to think of it, I don’t know if Justin Bieber has ever @replied to Kanye. You can send an @reply to anyone with a public profile on Twitter, provided they haven’t blocked you. I take advantage of this of this capability all the time to share my thoughts with celebrities (for example, Bieber and I have “discussed” a number of things) and my favorite pr0n chicks. That doesn’t mean Justin Bieber actually is cool with Kanye. Justin Bieber is the only person Kanye follows on Twitter, but before that he was following some other random young white dude (hmm…), who had to tell Kanye to fuck off.

As is the case with Kim Kardashian, it’s obvious that Kanye is only interested in Justin Bieber due to his ridonkulous popularity. Bieber is fucking huge on Twitter, in particular. Pretty much the only time there isn’t a Bieber-related trending topic is at night, when white people go to sleep, because they have to go to work or school in the morning, or if something genuinely important happened. We’ve discussed here before how desperate Kanye is to get his career back in order, post-the scene he caused at last year’s VMAs, and post-running out of good ideas circa ’07. It used to be he would go on his website, in ALL CAPS, to explain how he was too good for Twitter – now he’s all over it. He’s even got a program where he’s leaking a new song to the Internets every Friday until the end of the year. Before our eyes, Kanye is gradually morphing into one of these bums who records his own, worse version of every popular new song and emails it to one of the Canadian kids who update Nah Right these days.

If I were Bieber, I’d seriously consider having the TIs put the kibosh on this remix. Not that any of his other songs are any good, but this remix fucking sucks balls, even though it’s based on the almighty “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With.” And what does Justin Bieber even need with Kanye. Justin Bieber has just shy of five million followers on Twitter. Kanye hasn’t even hit a million yet, and he’s been on there for like a month. I’m pretty sure that fake Kanye Twitter, from back when he ruined Bonaroo, had more than a million followers. Kanye just isn’t worth a shit anymore. At least Bieber can awkwardly glance at Kim Kardashian”s cleavage every 30 seconds or so, like I would. I don’t think Kanye really knows that chick from the UK with the watermelon-sized juggs. It seems like we would have seen more of her by now. Kanye’s been keeping a high profile lately. He has to, if he’s gonna sell any records.

  • jay stone

    someone should get this pussy wipped nigga some pussy

  • Phillmatic

    “His management might be putting something in his water supply, to keep him from accidentally raping one of his fans.”

    Haha.

    I’ve thought for the longest that there’s something not quite right with Justin Bieber. When I was 16 I was pretty much the height and weight I am now, and I looked at least halfway adult-like. Plus, when I was 16 I had already been noticing girls in a meaningful way for over half my life.

    Maybe he’s a eunuch? Jimmy Iovine chopped his cock and balls off and had them platinumised when he sold his first mil.

    • http://pluckywalker.bandcamp.com Plucky Walker

      The kid’s clearly an android.

  • Lurigancho

    I honestly believe Scott Disick would beat up Kanye in a fight.

  • s. Bejda

    i could see that, he has more of an a-hole look about him, kanye is more into bullying female teen country singers

  • sealsaa

    “If I were him, I’d demand to shove my head between her huge cans and oscillate my head back and forth until I had a mild concussion,”

    What’s to say that he hasn’t? Maybe he’s just smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it.

  • http://www.bboycult.com Don mcCaine

    I don’t see the problem here.

    Shorty said he liked Linx 2, always rocked Wu. Got ‘Ye, to dick-ride on the song ’bout the Wu. Got Rae on the track spitting. Got that whole crowd digging in the Wu crates right now.

    Wu wins.

    And left field, they pay homage to their fave artist like this. We argue over who’s relevant or not (i.e. Kim/Minaj).

  • Otto

    *waits for Lil B to ether Kanye West*

  • tone

    funny how people hate on Justin Bieber. The kid is actually talented, do some research. Usher saw something in him for a reason. Why would he not want to do a track with Kanye and or Raewkon? Because they are classic in themselves. Kanye is a little washed up and his twitter sucks ass. He has nothing clever or funny to say, but he can produce a track. The new track is def a risky move and not sure how I feel about it, I know my daugher loves Justin Bieber’s music but doesn’t like the kanye and raewkon song. I will go with her taste cuz she knows a hit. The question still remains..why does kimmy kick it with Bieber, or why does Bieber kick it with kimmy???

    Tone1andOnly@twitter.com

  • Otto

    Oh, and about that collab. Wu is for the children. No surprise about Rae and JB doing a song. However, Kanye is a fucking sell-out. Kanye = Nas. Like I mean, both released a epic debut album, followed it with another dope album, but with a tweeked image, then released another album that had a couple hot songs, but overall their worst albums up to that point, then their 4th album were both disasters and lost a lot of their original fan bases. The difference is Nas can actually rap and “ethered” Jay-Z and in return revived his career by re-building his fan base. Nas stans are some of the worst, too, but very dedicated. Kanye, on the other hand, is on the same path of Lil Jon now. Sad but true.

    • http://www.bboycult.com Don mcCaine

      “Kanye, on the other hand, is on the same path of Lil Jon now.”

      ^ * blankest of blank stares *

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    otto this is when the dislike comment button or slap a dude button comes in handy. this is similar to somebody talkin about sports without knowing what they talkin about.

    kayne ain’t nothing like nas

    don’t luda got a song with jb? yeap. jb got a lot of people’s ear. dang. why not go off on rae? oh, cause rae slap bloggers.

    point is…this is music.

    kayne still making dope music. his production alone is awesome. his lyrics have improved. if kayne lost 200000 fans he still str8.

  • nicholasdelorejo

    Cosign to ff1one@yahoo.com,

    People hate on Justin Beiber but you can’t deny dude has talent. Also Kanye’s career isn’t in danger. It may not be as high as it once was but basing it on how many followers he has on Twitter is meaningless. I but if Jay were to have a twitter account he would have the same amount of followers. And he’ll still records. Shit Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton may have more followers than Kanye but that doesn’t mean that their careers are in good standing. ALso kanye has some die hard fans make no mistake about that. Bieber has 5 million followers on twitter but his album only sold 1 million (which is still impressive). All Kanye needs is one hit single to sell 1 million records which is slowly becoming the new marker of a successful artist.

  • Otto

    Too bad Power failed on the charts. Monster is wack, too, even though that won’t be on Dark Twisted Fantasy. What the fuck is that title anyway? Sounds like some ICP shit, if you ask me. I’m not really feeling this post-808s & Heartbreak rap. OFWGFTA FTW!

  • Marco V. AKA WestCoast Injuztice

    What tha f**k is a Justin Beiber?

  • Bol’s #1 Fan Stan

    i missed u Bol, sorry i havnt visited in awhile. point is, Kanye losin, The Beibs stay winnin. i agree with everything said in this blog. i bet the Beibs smashed Kim on the low.

  • SOMETHIN NEW

    The whole point of Kanye and Raekwon working with Justin is to open a door for themselves to Justins’ fanbase so they can get some of those people to buy their records.It’s called exposure.

    If you’re an artist,it would be smart to network with other artist that are on top at the moment.And right now,Justin Beiber name is ringing bells right now.You would be a fool not to collab with the little dude.He’s like a walking pay check.And the way the music industry is right now especially for hip hop,this collabo is not bad at all for Kanye and Rae.It’s good for all sides involved.Kanye and Raekwon gets exposure and a check and Justin Beiber get some exposure to the hip hop audience,You see his name on this site,don’t you?

    I rest my case.

  • http://www.candidbackshots.com Candid BACKshotS

    wait….is Justin Beiber respected in the hip-hop community?? When did this happen? and why?

    ^click my name for big azz

    • SOMETHIN NEW

      I don’t thinks he’s respected but i think his handlers want to make him visable to the hip hop community to try to give him an edge.

  • smh

    white ppl shit

  • YoUtopic

    Twitter followers don’t equal record sales.

  • buffalo bill

    Haha i dnt get it is it that much different than B.o.b & the paramore chick doing a song together ok i get the fact that ye used a classic wu beat n all bt these collabs happen all the time ne1 remember walk this way

  • Savage

    im still wonderin about dat 40 mill dat kim makes…suspect as hell, but i heard dat justin cat sing he sounds like a girl, ill consider listenin to him when he gets a lil base in his voice,and there is still hope for kanye cuz he still has dope beats and verse…he jus gotta make the right choices

  • Kavv

    I cant believe I just wasted my time reading this pointless bullshit.