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Vanilla Ice > Than Your Least Favorite Rapper – Think About It

Before I even start this one I gotta say, just hear me out.

Okay, week before last my man Jesse did a post called “Queen Reigns Supreme,” which broke down a few of the hip-hop records that sampled the world-renowned rock group. One of songs mentioned was Vanilla Ice’s 1990 mega-hit “Ice Ice Baby,” which borrowed the baseline from Queen’s “Under Pressure.”

Call it curiosity or nostalgia but I clicked play on the “Ice Ice Baby” video, and let the song play in the background while reading through the post. It’s been years since I actually listened to the record (front if you want we all did at some point) but as I heard Ice droppin’ his verses a thought crossed my mind: “You know what; this record isn’t that bad lyrically for the time?”

Now, before y’all start throwing digital stones at just the mere thought of someone giving Vanilla Ice props, let me continue. I’m not saying he’s anyone’s G.O.A.T., but as for as 1990 era raps go, Vanilla (or his ghostwriter) held his own, IMHO.

“All right stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something, grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know
Turn off the lights, and I’ll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle”

That’s far from lyrical perfection, but if LL Cool J had spit those same lyrics around the same time on a record like “Jingling Baby” or “Eat ‘Em Up L Chill,” would there be an issue?

Regardless of whether he made one of the biggest hip-hop records of all time; the problem most people have with Vanilla Ice is what he represented. Or, better yet, how he tried to represent. The fake “hood” background, baggy Hammer pants, and gelled flattop with the parts on the side tryna wild out where what folks hated on. The song, though, was an undeniable hit. (17 million copies sold!!!)

The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if Vanilla Ice got a raw deal. Sure, Eminem would rap circles around his (and any other MC’s) ass on bad day; but it’s unfair to compare a industry-fabricated pop figure like that to some of rap’s greats. That’s when I started to wonder if Ice and his 20-year-old verses from “Ice Ice Baby” could hold up against some of today’s most hated on rappers and their biggest hits. The Soulja Boys, Waka Flocka Flames and Shawty Los of the rap world.

So here are a few choice bars from the aforementioned rappers that I matched up against Vanilla Ice’s rhymes to see whose actually look better on paper.

RD: 1

Soulja Boy, “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”

“Soulja Boy off in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man dat hoe
Then watch me crank dat Robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haterz mayn
When I do dat Soulja Boy
I lean to the left and crank dat thang
(Now yuuuah)”

Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”

“(Dance) Go rush to the speaker that booms
I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
(Deadly) When I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull’s eye the kid don’t play
If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it”


RD: 2

Waka Flocka Flame, “O Let’s Do It”

“One shot, man down
His brains, go ka-pow
Ow, that shit hurt
So don’t fuck around
But that happen often off in Riverdale, Georgia
You gon’ pay the life you live off in Riverdale, Georgia
They gon’ lay yo ass out rock you to sleep like a baby
Brick Squad, shawty, in the ’hood we got them babies
Ever since they killed my nigga Travis start poppin’ pills and actin’ crazy
Ever since they killed my nigga Travis start poppin’ pills and actin’ crazy”

Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”

“Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
(Jealous) ‘Cause I’m out getting mine
Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine
(Ready) For the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they’re full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard was shells
(Falling) On the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas
Bumper to bumper the avenue’s packed
I’m trying to get away before the jackers jack
(Police on the scene) You know what I mean
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it”


RD: 3

Shawty Lo, “Dey Know”

“Shawty Lo — I got flavor
Plus you know, the kid got paper
Like 40, don’t “Save Her”
Bankhead — been pullin capers!
The way you drop woulda thought I had a taser
Call me street, like the razor
Shawty Lo, A-T-L, I’m the MAYOR
Street nigga but my gear be tailored
Every now and then, Shawty might rock gators
Me and that kush — I got acres
Yeahhhhhhh! No more nosey-ass neighbors
Big up — to all my haters!”

Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”

“Take heed ’cause I’m a lyrical (Poet)
Miami’s on the scene just in case you didn’t (Know it)
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake, kick holes in the ground
‘Cause my style’s like a chemical (Spill)
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and (Feel)
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step (With this)
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say, (Damn)
If my rhyme was a drug I’d sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while Shay revolves it”


So there you have it, the tale of the tape. Based on the rhymes; do you agree that Vanilla Ice might possibly be better than your least favorite rapper? —Anslem Samuel

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