The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand

“I am totally obsessive about ’80s shorts. You know the kind that makes your butt look kinda big.”
Madonna’s 13 year-old daughter Lourdes

The worst thing that could happen to America is for white men to develop an appreciation for women with huge asses.

Allow me to explain.

I’m sure most of us have had the awful experience of being in public and seeing a couple consisting of a male wigger and a female wigger. (My bad if there’s gender-specific terms for wiggers, and I just don’t know about it.) In other words, two wiggers who decided to be wiggers together, rather than pairing off with black people. There might even be a little wigger baby, similar to these juggalo couples who procreate, then take pictures of themselves doing shit they probably shouldn’t be doing with a baby in the room, except I guess to familiarize it with the juggalo lifestyle – a little Faygo root beer mixed in with the Similac and what have you. I hate that shit.

It used to be that one of the few perks of being black, other than the myth about a black man’s Johnson, which is very true, at least in my own personal experience (nullus), was that if a white chick’s ass was too big, only black guys would like her, and eventually she’d begin to talk like a black person, which is to say that her facility with the English language would somehow deteriorate (has Chomsky looked into this?), and the next thing you know there she is in a Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon with her tiny village of half-black children, all of whom clearly come from separate fathers, loading up the cart with those Little Debbie snack cakes and other shit I’ve never seen anyone actually eat, except when I used to work at K-Mart.

Even if she was one of these women who made it to middle age (i.e. 29) before pushing maximum density (c) John Bender, she’d be one of these women you see walking around with a sweater wrapped around her waist in the dog days of summer, clearly concerned with the kind of guy her mud flaps might attract, not wanting to fall victim to the kind of crime Mel Gibson apparently fantasizes about. Which obviously would have been her fault.

It was fucking sweet: on the one hand, black guys had the second best kind of white women (behind conventionally attractive white women) to ourselves, and on the other hand, white women with particularly fucked up asses covered themselves up as if they were married to Arabs. White men didn’t give a shit, because white men used to have standards.

Alas, those days might be over, if a trend piece the other day in the New York Daily News is to be believed.

The three examples that make it an according to Hoyle trend, per the rule at the New York Times (which has since been adopted by all New York newspapers) are Serena Williams, who recently explained in an interview that she could give a rat’s ass that she looks like the modern day equivalent of the Hottentot Venus; Kim Kardashian’s, who’s built a small cottage industry based on going outside wearing tights (and god bless her for it); and Madonna’s 13 year-old daughter, who apparently has a blog I might need to check out. For style tips, natch.

And I quote:

Make way! Big bums are shaping up to be the summer of 2010′s hottest trend.
[...]
Not since Sir Mix-a-Lot’s 1992 hit “Baby Got Back” has so much praise been paid to the posterior.
[...]
Lucky for [Kim] Kardashian, bubble butts are here to stay. Gone are the days of being ashamed of a wider bottom, with America becoming more diverse amid shifting standards, according to Stylesight trend analyst Sharon Graubard.

“I think it’s about the diversity of our population and more accepted beauty, and a wider range of accepted beauty,” Graubard explains.

See, there are downsides to diversity.

No but really. I guess the one good thing about this is that it’ll lead to white chicks, who are packing on the pounds anyway, especially here in the Midwest, being more accepting of their failure to keep their bodies in decent shape, as if they were black chicks. Lollerskates. No more extra-long jackets. Not that I’m looking or anything, but I’m noticing more white chicks with huge asses these days than ever, and I’m sure at least part of it has do with them wearing the kind of shorts Lourdes designs for her clothing line at Macy’s. We might not have them all to ourselves, but what difference does it make, if there’s so many of them?

  • ri067953

    See man, you got it all messed up. There is a difference between having a phat ass and a fat ass. I am in favor of the bubble when it is toned and shaped properly but most white women have flabby cheeks which is not hot at all.

    • geico lizard

      You said it ri067953, most white chicks are chubby I have NEVER seen a thick white girl. Christina Hendricks looks thick with clothes on but I dont think she has the ass and all around thickness of an Esther Baxter or Gloria Velez. Most self proclaimed thick white chicks are sloppy looking when you peel those tight clothes off.

      “other than the myth about a black man’s Johnson, which is very true, at least in my own personal experience (nullus)”

      ^^
      That is funny but I think I was in the Placebo group when they passed out big dicks in heaven to black guys.

    • sway-z

      Amen!!! I’m tired of niggas coming around me talkin about this “bad, thick, white jawn” only to find out this bitch is just fat, period. Most white women with “big asses” really just have big, wide hips, very rarely do you see a shapely bubble butt to go wit it.

  • shabai

    first!…and i must say pretty boring article.

    • that nigga

      Diddo, very boring Bol. You wanna see white chicks with FAT ASSES. Go to the Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ. You aint neva seen no rich white bithces with asses like that anywhere else. No lie.

  • Sha

    FlameThrower 5.0

    I also noticed how the white chicks are getting those nice round asses like sisters. I have two reasons I’m putting this on….

    1. KFC…. I guess black people aren’t the only people to like chicken (kinda jokin’). But on the real…. All kinds of chemicals are put into our foods nowadays. White girls are getting big tits and fat asses. Men are growing breasts… It will continue to be like this because today’s society seeks immediate gratification. Fast food. Fast living.

    2. Racial Progress and Hip-Hop…..

    I guess there was a reason those suburban parents were beefing about their sons and daughters listening to and seeing hip-hop culture (thanks Sir Mix-a-Lot).

    VOGUE magazine defined what a beautiful woman was for so long that people were really believing that shit. And then hip-hop exploded and started showing the world what black men really believed were beautiful women. Soon, white dudes co-signed (I think they really liked big asses all along but were too nervous to challenge the racial system). The rest is history.

    Truth be told…. I like Black, White, Yellow, Brown… As long as they have that wonderful balance of Nice Asses, Natural Beauty, Big Tits, and a BRAIN….

  • Larry2x’s

    I remember when having a big butt was an insult, now every body wants a fat ass and the thing that pisses me off is that black women don’t even get credit for having them first. White men did’nt even notice big booties until Jennefer lopez came out in the late 90′s, Then kim Kardashian made having a big ass a trend?Fuck both of them I’m paying homage to Keisha around the corner her ass has been great since 1992 and she never got any credit. And Big Bootie Trudie who always wore those super tight biker shorts with no panties thank God for those chicks.To all the black girls around the world do us all a favor stand up and give youself a round of applaues(but don’t use your hands)Thank you for all you do for us. Amen

  • http://deathbeforetaxes.tumblr.com 1deep

    You don’t work at the BGM anymore? congrats you fat fuck.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    Damn son, there’s plenty of other stuff to talk about besides this pedo blog about Madonna’s daughter.

    1

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    thas why i call him the EM of bloggin BUT this is still funny. cosign, booty has always been in, pop culture is just late. as a certified bootiologist i just want to add that its not the size of the body but the body per booty ratio. Wats rare to find is a girl with booty boobs beauty and brains.

    • El Tico Loco

      Wats rare to find is a girl with booty boobs beauty and brains
      ^^^^

      Not really that just means they got issues.

  • Master CHeef

    One of your funniest blogs in a while, and the comments are on par, as well.

    I’m a big fan of incredibly rounded bottoms, and perfectly plump, juicy breasteses, but we should not forget what makes females so truly special, what gives them their certain je nais se quoi, what brings elegance and class into their beings,… my absoulute favorite part of a woman is her pussy.

  • Q461

    it is true…big asses were considered unattractive for a long time…. but a girls gotta have meat on her for me… I like em black, white, latina, asian, indian whatever…but shorty’s gotta have curves..tittys… ass… hips… yummm. Skinny bitches ain’t shit…gotta have somethin to hold onto no doubt…

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    lol@Master Chef that was the perfect comment. and ya i think its mcdonalds / kfc / church’s etc. its not just booty shots white girls getting thick.

  • http://www.justice.gov.za Chiliz

    After Jlo came Britney Spears then Kim Kardashian’s & the rest………………….

  • http://hotasballs.wordpress.com steezolini

    so, bol, your’e getting hot under the collar about comments from a thirteen year old.?

    theres a word for that.pedosexual.

    white dudes always liked girls with some ass..you also quoted the spinal tap song, from how long ago?..even gaylords like freddie mercury liked “fat bottomed girls”..they make the rocking world go round, apparently.

    big boneded.heavy structured.thick.

  • gaddic

    I prefer skinny girls over the fat ones

    I’ll bang a phat ass bitch but as far as relationship I don’t want a fuckin heifer as a girlfriend

    For the record there are SKINNY GIRLS WITH PHAT ASSES!!!

    Most big asses(white or black) are girls over-weight or just in poor sloppy shape

    • El Tico Loco

      So you rather be involved with a chick that will bruise your pelvic area with her sharp ass tailbone? I’m sorry bruh but I got to have that shit that make one bounce back, that be looking like waves upon contact and no that’s not always fat none of the women mentioned in the comments are fat, you make it sound like we tryna fuck the cast of Precious.

  • Cal

    I really have been worrying about this. White women with dense mudflaps are a god given gift to black men… as long as white men find them disgusting, but times they are a changing and you should blame that on black culture being so damn popular. Now white people are catching on to the fact that a big ass is actually a positive.

  • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

    LOL @ ya’ll comments, especially El Tico Loco’s. I don’t mess with ‘hangers’ either brah! I got with one before and vowed never to do that ish again; wake up in the morning with bruises and ish from bumping into her sharp ass elbows and kneecaps. No bueno! Need that cushion barrier to hit it from the back; as long as ‘ol girl keep in shape, you won’t have to worry about that ish saggin’ later on in life if you decide to wife her.

    I only mess with thoroughbreds (thick-in-the right-places type of chicks), but only black and hispanic ones. Them white chicks that have phat asses, 9 times out of 10 don’t even know they have it, let alone know how to work it in the bedroom. Same with asian chicks…

    gaddic is right about skinny chicks having phat asses though, they out there but rare like a mofo.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com 615banga

    some guys are ass men
    some are tit men
    some are leg men
    im a pussy man.
    the rest above are good too. but it all comes down to the divine vagina lol

  • Bol’s #1 Fan Stan

    i prefer a small ass and big tits and a tight pussy. oh, and long hair to pull on whe u hittin it from behind. wonder if my hero Bol has ever had a bitch??

  • ARKANSAS-SOUTHS IN YA MOUTH

    Dont be fooled by all this white girl with ass Phenomenon, my niggs they make padded pants n shit Brazillian butt tuccs which are surgical and cannot be seen!!! SOME OF THEM HAVE IT MOST OF THEM DONT!!! all of a sudden it’s a trend to have big asses and lips but when blacc women had these traits only it was almost animalistic!!!! go to hell, old fake ass copycats!!!

  • og bobby j

    one thing being overlooked here is the willingness. see, a females understanding of her role is the most attractive part, to me. She knows it is on her to keep a good man satisfied, whether than be socially, domestically or sexually.

    for example, this morning, i woke up to the smell of some bacon in the kitchen. Came down the stairs, ham and cheese omlette, toast, and bacon ont he plate waiting….coffee made.

    I ate, went to hop in the shower and get ready for work. I came out the shower, she hands me the fres ironed shirt….

    i slap her ass, one thing leads to another, and i get some quick dome before leaving.

    That is the quality. Fat ass, small ass, big tits, little tits, they are all dope. But a bitch knwoing what needs to be done, there aint no vogue for that shit.

    • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

      Deep…

  • Pingback: Set of 2 Spanx Original and Super Footless Pantyhose | Flexees Shapewear & Undergarments

  • Pingback: Spring Break Beach Bikini Girls » Blog Archive » Men?s Undergarments Guide

  • Pingback: Mango Women’s High-waist Pants | Women’s Apparel Stores

  • Pingback: Shock Doctor Women’s Power Hockey Short with Pelvic Protector | Team Sport Guide

  • Pingback: Olian Vertigo Maternity Skirt | Maternity Apparel Stores

  • Pingback: Huggies Diapers LeakLock protection, Large Adjustable Fasteners, Size 4 200 Diapers | Diaper Deals

  • Pingback: Safety Leash for Pedometer (1) Unit. Helps Save Pedometers From Loss Reviews | Step Counter Pedometer Reviews

  • Pingback: NEOII Pedometer,purple – Walk4Life 2 function (steps and activity time) | Step Counter Pedometer Reviews

  • Pingback: Hurley 80 Super Skinny Zipper Jeans Reviews | Women’s Apparel Stores

  • Pingback: Huggies Size 2 258 Diapers | Diaper Deals