Starting Five, Dead or Alive – If Rap Was a Sport Who’d Be MVP?

Tonight’s the night. On primetime television, LeBron James will finally declare to the millions of people awaiting his choice for his new kingdom. Honestly, he has to leave Cleveland in order to win.

The city is one where the ominous cloud of futility rains yearly on all of its franchises. If you disagree, mention “Red Right 88” around Brain Sipe; ask Ernest Byner about “The Fumble” or say “Game 5” within an earshot of Craig Ehlo and see what happens. Man should not be subjected to such misery and King James has to leave before he becomes another causality of the Cleveland Curse.

On second thought, it may not be a curse in the case of the Cavilers.

The methodology behind the Cavilers was bound to fail. Their success and failure is that they built the team around LeBron opposed to constructing a ring-collecting, trophy-hoisting machine piece by piece. It comes down to two variables—chemistry and cohesion. From role players to superstars, a team needs to be able to withstand the opposition. Now, will LeBron find utopia in the remaining teams clamoring for him? Time will tell, but maybe he can learn what to look for in a team from the list I’ve compiled.

Before I reveal what many (me and my Charles Oakley basketball card) consider to be the greatest team ever assembled, listen closely: This list is not denoting who’s the Greatest of All Time. This is merely a rundown on what attributes a team needs to succeed in the NBA, only I’ve replaced players with rappers. You get the point.

POINT GUARD: Jay Electronica
(John Stockton’s vision/Isaiah Thomas’ drive)
Okay, I hear all of your shouting that he’s “unproven.” That most of his fire has come from EP-style mixtapes and singles that have taken light years to finish. Well, you can tell it to the bums in the nosebleed seats. The gems Jay unearths on the handful of tracks he’s blessed are brilliant. Gaudy punch lines and useless adjectives are not found in his prose. At times, his demeanor is that of a machine that only knows the moment and the centuries leading up to that point. Plus, his emergence seems damn near predestined.

SHOOTING GUARD: Jay-Z
(Magic Johnson’s timing/Michael Jordan’s command)
Jay-Z maybe 12 years away from getting an AARP card in the mail, but he has remained timeless. He’s more than a chameleon changing with the times trying to remain appealing to the public. Brooklyn’s consummate rebel has had bad breaks and setbacks, but has always been able to know when and how to pique our interests. Plus, he understands how to utilize the magnetism of the grand stage and the prime moment. The man sold out MSG in less than an hour. Believe me. You want the ball in his hands when you’re down by two with :12 left on the clock.

  • ThatDude

    C – Rakim
    PF – Notorious B.I.G.
    SF – Big Daddy Kane
    SG – Joe Budden
    PG – Jay-Z

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  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    PG – Nas
    SG – Jay-Z
    SF – Eminem
    PF – Ice Cube
    C – Jadakiss
    6th Man – Black Thought
    Coach – RZA

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    how many ways can you ask this question?????

    pg-Nas

    because he is very visual lyrical knows the game and is humble.

    sg. jay-z

    he has MJs killer instincts. I’m talking jordan jackson tyson pick one. he sells, he delivers and has all around game.

    sf-cosgin andre 3000.

    he can ball fo real, plus he is a great swing man (no pun) but he is very versitle and delivers. we just gotta keep him inspired.

    pf biggie/method man

    the nod goes to biggie. biggie fills a stat sheet and does all the dirty work. he is a grinder and grimy.

    C-common/talib/mos def.

    its a three way tie. each can go hard in the paint and put up big numbers.

    sixth man. j. cole.

    gotta go with a rookie who can come off the bench and inspire these old school cats.

    head coach.
    kanye. he see’s things and can get the best out of this group.

  • og bobby j

    first of all, this is the most retarded correlation ever. But, for no other reason than sheer boredom, here it is:

    1- big pun
    2- eminem
    3- jay
    4- big
    5- pac

    6- nas off the bench….

    it would be far more entertaining to try and figure out 2 rappers to rep on a track that needed 2 verses from the east, west, south, south central midwest…

    say…
    east – jay & nas
    west – Snoop & Too Short
    south – Luda and Tip
    Mid west – Eminem & Royce
    South Central – Scarface & Bun

    that could be a fire track

  • swype-matic

    I’m gonna go in a different direction, puttin’ the shittiest team on a Clippers/Knicks level…

    1)Soulja Boy
    2)OJ Da Juiceman
    3)Waka Flocka Flame
    4)Chingy [Did everybody 4get he sucks?]
    5)Gucci Mane

    *6 Shawty Lo

    Coach
    Lil’ Wayne

  • Anonymous

    1-RZA
    2-MF Doom
    3-Eminem
    4-Jay-Z
    5-Dilla
    6th-Nas
    Coach-Biggie
    Mascot-Gucci Mane in a clown suit

  • Tiiz

    ^ Am I the only one who finds it scary how much thought you guys put into this??

  • Sha

    1-Nas
    2-Jay-Z
    3-Dilla
    4-DJ Premier
    5-Eminem

    Coach…. Russel Simmons

    Assistant Coach….. Big Daddy Kane

  • Casey

    WU-TANG FOREVER

    PG: Inspectah Deck
    –>He knows how to get shit started and set up his teammates, but he can do it himself if he needs to.
    SG: Method Man
    –>He has the smooth style and flashiness, almost finesse with words.
    SF: GZA
    –>The guy on the team who takes the beautiful pull-up jumper and never misses. He’s always in the right place on the court at the right time.
    PF: Ghostface Killah
    –>Just a big force. He’ll probly dunk it real flashy in your face, or block your shit. As you guys said, he’s like Sheed.
    C: Raekwon
    –>Just that dude that you don’t wanna step to, holding it down real heavy in the paint. Dunking with two hands all day.
    Coach: The RZA. He’d probly run crazy plays that make the Triangle Offense look shitty.

  • Casey

    ***6th Man is Masta Killa. Dirty woulda got in some time at SF too RIP

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  • El Tico Loco

    PG – Eminem
    SG – Jay Z
    SF – Ghostface
    PF – Busta
    C – Sean Price

    6th man – Nas
    rest of the bench – Slaughterhouse

    Head Coach – DJ Premier
    Assistant coach – RZA

    Head Cheerleader – Trina
    Mascot – Wacka Flocka
    General Manager – Kevin Liles
    Owner – Me

  • NoBull

    This is a crazy topic but ill play:

    PG- Lil Wayne and thats based on my SG cuz whenever theyre on a track together my SG has an out of body exp

    SG-Eminem with assist from Weezy he will hit every shot.My fav rapper is a beast

    SF- Jay-Z,HOV,Jigga,IceBerg Slim nuff said

    PF-50 cent.UR power forward gotta be an enforcer and who u knw starts more shit than 50 lol

    C-T.I. cmon son after goin to jail for machine guns Tip will “block shots”lol

    Head Coach-Nas, commands respect from all of these dudes

  • ILLWILL

    PG PAC
    SG JAY
    SF NAS
    PF BIG
    C SCARFACE
    6TH MAN EM
    HEAD COACH MASTER P

  • LEO

    PG-Eminem (who else can run the team?)
    SG-Nas (Clutch…see Ether*)
    SF-Jay-Z (Most Versitile)
    PF-DMX (Who gonna do the dirty work?)
    C-Big Pun (Dirty Work, plus points)

    SIXTH MAN-JOE BUDDEN (Versatility off the bench)

    COACH- BIGGIE (KEEP THE TEAM FOCUSED ON STREET, RAW, GUTTA SHIT)
    ASSITANT COACH- WILL SMITH & LL COOL J (MAKE THAT MONEY AND GET THE LADIES TO FOLLOW)

  • http://screwjams.tumblr.com cramzy

    pg-weezy->if hot features=assists he’s Stockton
    sg-jayz->air hova
    sf-pac->can do it all
    pf–50>dirty work,enforcer
    c-BIG->cant have a squad without poppa
    coah: Master P->see no limit records
    assistants:Bun B,Pimp C->motivational speakers->”Fiddy, get off the boo boo!

    yeah, im bored as fuck at work lol

  • http://overmanent.com C. Hop

    PG – Andre 3000 Sees the whole floor makes players better. (Big Boi)
    SG – Jay-Z Deadly finisher 11 #1 Albums
    SF – Eminem Triple double threat intense defender
    PF – T.I. Powerful inside scoring and rebounding presence
    C – Game Size in the middle good midrange jumper for big man

    6th man – Kanye, can play all 5 positions

    Coach – J. Prince

  • K mac

    PG-Big L (puts his team on and also kills solo)
    SG- Canibus (Crazy raw talent but does it on his own)
    Sf- Nas/Guru/mos def (nice addition that holds team together)
    Pf- Pac (no one questions him)
    C-Biggie/Pun (Big inside presence people scared to step to them)

    Coach-Rakim (everyone listens to the old school)

    Owner-Jay Z (knows how to run a buisness)

  • Black Benji

    Coach: Jeru the Damaja – “Your nine spray, my mind spray.”

    Point Guard: El-P – All about great production.

    Shooting Guard: Pharoahe Monch – Whether Stray Bullet or Gun Draws, he is well versed in the art of shooting.

    Strong Forward: Kool Keith – You running ball games? “I don’t believe you.”

    Power Forward: Thirstin Howl III – You are going to get a lot stolen.

    Center: Cam’Ron – Not as “big” as others, but I can’t think of anyone else with more swag to get the center of attention.

    Sixth Man: Del the Funkee Homosapien – “That little nigga tried to cut, I caught him. – We sap the strength and lap the length around the whole course of time and still got the time to unwind.”

  • Massy 8ball

    grimy team benji easily my fav

    • The Southern Comfort

      Co-sign, some people approaching this like it’s a typical “favourite five rappers” thing, benji went a different way. Nice team man (and they’d record one crazy ass song too)

  • alderman j

    COACHES
    KRS ONE, DR DRE, SCARFACE

    POINT GUARD
    SNOOP DOG
    SHOOTING GUARD
    TUPAC
    SMALL FORWARD
    TI
    POWER FORWARD
    KANYE WEST
    CENTER
    JAY Z
    SIXTH MAN
    CAM’RON
    1 DRAFT PICK
    JAY ELECTRONICA

  • http://www.xxlmag.com 615banga

    Luda
    Bun B
    T.I.
    Nas
    The Game

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  • don ron

    pg – em
    sg – pac
    sf – Jay
    pf – cube
    c – Face

    Coach – Dre
    asst coach – short

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