Posse on Trendwatch: Treating men as if they were objects

I was at a loss for the third example of a chick trying to claim that a fat guy raped her that would make it a trend, per the rule at the New York Times, but then I was reminded of that time Aaron Reid, son of Island Def Jam CEO and Big Boi benefactor LA Reid and Pebbles, the woman who stole TLC’s publishing, was photographed by some chick asleep on a hotel bed with his unfortunate wang hanging out of his pants.

It wasn’t a rape per se, and it took place last year, which might as well be a decade ago in Internets time (in a sense, it was), but it seems like part of the same phenomenon: fat guy gets some action from a chick he almost certainly couldn’t have gotten with, if he didn’t have a shedload of money, and it somehow ends up biting him in his ass. Fat Joe and Sean Kingston were recently accused of raping groupies. Let me guess – these chicks had sex with them, and then tried to hit them up for money, or else they’d cry rape. Similarly, if the chick who took that horrific picture of Aaron Reid didn’t try to sell it back to him first, I’m sure that could have been arranged. If he couldn’t have gone to one of his parents and explained to them the situation he was in (I could have done this, but I have very understanding parents, which is to say they’ve grown accustomed to embarrassment and disappointment), I’m sure he could have sold one of the gifts he received on his episode of MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, or whatever it’s called.

The idea must be that if a man’s body is disgusting enough, with The-Dream being the cutoff point (and hence my goal physique), there’s no way anyone would believe that a woman would purposely have sex with him. She’d have to be drunk, or asleep, or bound with duct tape. And because of the BS rape laws in this country (not that this is an important issue to me personally…) all you’d have to prove is that you weren’t quite in your right mind when you said yes, or refused to say no, or that it didn’t seem like nearly as good an idea the next day, when you were walking to your car all bowlegged, as it did at the time. The fact that we’re starting to hear about these cases more and more often makes me wonder if the groupies of the world got together and decided that this might be a good way to cope with the economic downturn. Like, maybe Necole Bitchie has a secret message board, similar to the one Pitchfork uses to decide who gets to pretend to like a certain LCD rap album. I’d start a message board like that for my own site, but I’m afraid to see what would be posted. You remember those problems SOHH had.

It’s a particularly disturbing trend for a brother such as myself, who has what doctors like to call a little bit of a weight problem. I ate too many bearclaws as a kid, and they got lodged right in *this* region. One of these days my facility with crude sexual humor and my extensive knowledge of Jedi Mind Tricks’ oeuvre might finally pay off, in which case women will be compelled to have sex with me, for the reason women are supposed to want to have sex with a man anyway, per biology, i.e. because he has more money than other men (don’t hate me, hate Charles Darwin), and I’d hate to think that, even at that point, my distended beer belly, or as I like to call it, a fuel tank for a sex machine, would get in the way of my schlong, both literally and figuratively. I thought men were supposed to be the ones who look at the opposite sex as if they were objects, and women were supposed to be above that. Isn’t that why I’m supposed to feel at least somewhat guilty during my increasingly lengthy daily pr0n intake regimen? It’s a good thing I know better than to take anything a woman says seriously.

No but really. Even The-Dream’s relatively svelte profile could come back to bite him in the ass, if he has to get divorced from Christina Milian. (Has he tried to buy her something really expensive but less expensive than a divorce settlement?) The judge might be sympathetic to her plight, because of how much of an ogre he is. It’s one thing if you step out on a woman who can’t be bothered to take any pride in her personal appearance, but she put forth as much of an effort as any black chick these days – which is to say 75%. (Aww dang…) The truth of the matter is that, as some dude in the comments section here pointed out, he probably wouldn’t have married her anyway, if he’d been pulling decent trim before those “Umb-a-rella” checks started rolling in. The-Dream and I are about the same age, but I don’t know if he has the experience that I have scanning the Internets for pictures of ridonkulously well-endowed women in varying degrees of undress. He might not be aware of the level of quality that exists, and just how little it costs. He may have been too focused on his songwriting. If he needs someone to break it down for him, he should holler. My fee is extremely reasonable. Nullus.

  • SansBeach

    Women have always looked at men as objects. I would even say women objectify men more then men do women.

    Women do a lot outline stuff and get away with it.

    One reason is because of the law.

    The second reason is because men do not complain about it even though we probably should.When a woman does something that crosses the line men dont right books, start talk shows, hold rallys or cry all the annoying crap that women do.

    If men were allowed to put their hands on women none of this would be happening im not trying to encourage domestic violence Im just being honest.

  • Worley

    The Dream has the ultimate pre-nup. I heard his wife is signed to his “label.” He could always cobble together a half-assed CD on her then disguise the divorce settlement in what would undoubtedly be a tax write off.

    If only Nas had thought of that.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    Wait a minute here…

    Sean Kingston is accused of taking the ass too?

    And ain’t Dream doing the same thing Usher did?

    Wow. These dudes.

    Yo SansBeach:

    “Women (IN AMERICA) do a lot outline stuff and get away with it”

    ^ other countries and cultures don’t allow that nonsense.

  • Smokey

    dude i love your blog but i gotta ask, what is LCD rap. you say it hella but i have never quite really known.

    • Izzle

      It stands for ‘lowest common denominator’ rap. He means rap that caters, essentially, to lyrics about pussy, money, weed, jewelry.

      • smokey

        alright thanks bruh much love

      • Dowski

        Ya, thanks for clearing that up. I always knew what he meant by LCD Rap, but had no idea what LCD was supposed to stand for.

  • geico lizard

    “He might not be aware of the level of quality that exists, and just how little it costs”
    ^^^
    Kat Stacks only charged Jim Jones 800 dollars so video ho coochie isnt expensive. They have bills to pay to. “I thought men were supposed to be the ones who look at the opposite sex as if they were objects, and women were supposed to be above that”
    ^^^
    Women want you to think they are deep and only care about how a man treats them and his soul or whatever the hell but that is BS. Women complain about no good men left but what they mean is no good looking men left. Usher,R Kelly,Trey Songz and plenty of guys admit they treat women bad but women only care about their looks so they keep chasing the same guys. I dont blame the pretty boys or thugs for sleeping with as many women as they can because if women wanted a faithful guy they would go for a fat guy. There are plenty of fat guys making 30 grand a year who will treat them like queens. The fat guy or ugly guy is afraid he will never get another woman that attractive so he wont cheat or do anything to mess it up…unless he has some money or fame like The Dream who cant seem to say no to any vagina offered up to him.

    • Neptune

      “Women want you to think they are deep and only care about how a man treats them and his soul or whatever the hell but that is BS.”

      True dat. Women say shit like that because that’s what they’ve been taught that they’re supposed to say (generally—there are a few genuine exceptions who actually DO prefer those traits in a man, usually highly literate women often found in science labs, art departments and reading for hours on end at renowned academic universities and the like, or, possibly in their bedroom listening to India Arie records, which is probably the best shot for people here looking for women who *actually* want those traits in a man—-but, none of this is really a part of the “rap” world, so I digress). What *most* women say they want, and the traits exhibited by the men they actually fuck, are two VERY different things. The truth lies in who they are with and who they are fucking, not in what they say that they want (which like I said is due largely to social pressure and programming). And to be fair, the same thing goes for us men. The difference is that men are generally very honest and up front about the distinction between women we just want to fuck and women we want to “wife up”. You have good guys actually trying to do the right thing and listening to all the bullshit they hear from Oprah and the mainstream media, and they are sitting there lonely and frustrated while these bitches are all on the arms of so called “bad boys” and assholes (note to Oprah et al: you really need to focus your efforts on trying change women first instead of wasting your time attacking and blaming things on men while these women are out here giving the ultimate positive reinforcement–sex–to guys who exhibit the very traits that you are attacking “men” for). The truth is that “woman” is just as big a low, “base” level creatures as man (and, the more traditionally actractive the bitch is, the more this is generally the case—don’t hate me, hate Darwin).

    • sleep

      Trey Songz will treat you bad by passing along the HIV he has from getting fucked in the ass.

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    don’t get it twisted. pu$$y is power. don’t act like fat guys are dogs. men are dogs. we are only as faithful as our options. its too many women per men. I think fat man aren’t use to it tho and/or ugly men who just started getting some. those men mess up the game.

    women have needs just as men BUT most american men and women have needs and wants confused. our values are really messed up. wats sad is that the dream has four kids, is two times divorced, and still whoring it around. his new cd is garbaged because he’s whining and crying throughout the cd.

    in closing, women aka bytches are dogs now. its called evolution. we treated women like objects they got smarter now they pimpin the average man. get on ur dean youngins.

  • HellNaw

    Damn…I didn’t know about that aaron reid thing until you just mentioned it.He must have some serious issues.Couldn’t he do a Diggy and at least release some music?…then maybe he could get some Disney Channel stank.

    The shallow people are looking for different things in each other but it’s equally shitty.A fat dude with a ton of cash is looking for a fine chick.And you got a fine chick who can get with a dude but she’s thinking: damn..why should i just give this shit away.I might as well be banging some dude who might be able to pay the monthly bills on both cars.

    I aint saying its right but if you’re looking for this kind of stank then dont be surprised what you find.Guess what…they dont want world peace and they dont give a fukk about helping the poor.

  • Anonymous

    “one of these days my facility with crude sexual humor and my extensive knowledge of Jedi Mind Tricks’ oeuvre might finally pay off, in which case women will be compelled to have sex with me, for the reason women are supposed to want to have sex with a man anyway, per biology, i.e. because he has more money than other men (don’t hate me, hate Charles Darwin)”

    Epic bol!
    Great blog funny as shit
    Your probably more of a sexist than me

  • kriskringle

    I find it funny I only really check XXL to read Bol’s blog.