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Who invented the sober guy?

I stopped discussing weekly album sales on a regular basis back when my repertoire of post gimmicks expanded to the point where I was accusing people of being teh ghey every other week rather than every third day (just kidding, there’s no set schedule), but I figured I should probably go in today, for a couple of reasons.

1) It’s hotter than a motherfucker outside, and if black people don’t like to read during the school year, I’m not sure why I even bother during the summer. Is there any way I could just get paid to not do anything, like when Jay Smooth used to work here?

2) This isn’t just any ol’ week for album sales. Eminem’s Recovery sold damn near three quarters of a million copies in a week, last week, which is more than any album I can think of off the top my head (as much effort as I’m willing to put forth at this point) since Tha Carter III. And last week’s big album, Drake’s Thank Me Later, almost set a record, but not for a good reason. Sales of Thank Me Later dropped over 65% in its second week.

Thank Me Later sold something like 150,000 copies last week, which is still more than Little Brother has sold in the course of its career, but I’m gonna take it as a sign that people don’t really care for the Drake album. How else to explain such a monumental drop-off in sales? The 450,000 or so that first week must have been chicks (and teh ghey guys) who are really into light skinted black dudes, and people who are especially susceptible to Internets hype. Those people would have copped the album anyway, regardless of whether or not it’s any good, but people who were waiting to hear if it’s really as good as it says in the New York Times must not have been impressed. Could it be that people really don’t like the idea of some fruit from the Viacom version of Degrassi whining about how he makes too much money, and how Rihanna doesn’t really like him the way she likes Chris Brown, perhaps because he just doesn’t have it in him to put his shoe on a woman, like Chris Brown? I can’t say I’m surprised.

Similarly, I can’t say I was surprised to hear that Recovery sold ridonkulously well, even better than Relapse sold its first week. I even predicted it, in that post about how I was no longer nearly as interested in hearing Recovery, because I thought “Not Afraid” was gay, and because I don’t like the idea of people quitting drugs. I’m cool with people who were never on drugs in the first place, and I’m cool with people who are on drugs, as long as I don’t have to worry about them trying to steal from me to support their habit, but people who used to be on drugs are the absolute worst. There’s nothing worse than being at a party where people are getting high and doing drugs (the only kind of party I’d be at anyway), and there’s that one guy there who used to drink and get high but then he had to quit, because he had a kid and one time he accidentally left the kid in the car overnight (but fortunately it didn’t die or anything), or because he got a DUI or some shit, but he still shows up to parties that don’t exist for any purpose other than getting fucked the fuck up with a group of people rather than by yourself (like on weeknights), because those are the only friends he has. As if I need to be reminded that there’s always the slight possibility I could get caught driving drunk. Not because I drive any worse drunk than I do sober, but you know how 5-0 stays fucking with people.

Let’s face it. People like redemption stories. Even if they’re BS redemption stories, like in the Bible.

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