Who invented the sober guy?

I stopped discussing weekly album sales on a regular basis back when my repertoire of post gimmicks expanded to the point where I was accusing people of being teh ghey every other week rather than every third day (just kidding, there’s no set schedule), but I figured I should probably go in today, for a couple of reasons.

1) It’s hotter than a motherfucker outside, and if black people don’t like to read during the school year, I’m not sure why I even bother during the summer. Is there any way I could just get paid to not do anything, like when Jay Smooth used to work here?

2) This isn’t just any ol’ week for album sales. Eminem’s Recovery sold damn near three quarters of a million copies in a week, last week, which is more than any album I can think of off the top my head (as much effort as I’m willing to put forth at this point) since Tha Carter III. And last week’s big album, Drake’s Thank Me Later, almost set a record, but not for a good reason. Sales of Thank Me Later dropped over 65% in its second week.

Thank Me Later sold something like 150,000 copies last week, which is still more than Little Brother has sold in the course of its career, but I’m gonna take it as a sign that people don’t really care for the Drake album. How else to explain such a monumental drop-off in sales? The 450,000 or so that first week must have been chicks (and teh ghey guys) who are really into light skinted black dudes, and people who are especially susceptible to Internets hype. Those people would have copped the album anyway, regardless of whether or not it’s any good, but people who were waiting to hear if it’s really as good as it says in the New York Times must not have been impressed. Could it be that people really don’t like the idea of some fruit from the Viacom version of Degrassi whining about how he makes too much money, and how Rihanna doesn’t really like him the way she likes Chris Brown, perhaps because he just doesn’t have it in him to put his shoe on a woman, like Chris Brown? I can’t say I’m surprised.

Similarly, I can’t say I was surprised to hear that Recovery sold ridonkulously well, even better than Relapse sold its first week. I even predicted it, in that post about how I was no longer nearly as interested in hearing Recovery, because I thought “Not Afraid” was gay, and because I don’t like the idea of people quitting drugs. I’m cool with people who were never on drugs in the first place, and I’m cool with people who are on drugs, as long as I don’t have to worry about them trying to steal from me to support their habit, but people who used to be on drugs are the absolute worst. There’s nothing worse than being at a party where people are getting high and doing drugs (the only kind of party I’d be at anyway), and there’s that one guy there who used to drink and get high but then he had to quit, because he had a kid and one time he accidentally left the kid in the car overnight (but fortunately it didn’t die or anything), or because he got a DUI or some shit, but he still shows up to parties that don’t exist for any purpose other than getting fucked the fuck up with a group of people rather than by yourself (like on weeknights), because those are the only friends he has. As if I need to be reminded that there’s always the slight possibility I could get caught driving drunk. Not because I drive any worse drunk than I do sober, but you know how 5-0 stays fucking with people.

Let’s face it. People like redemption stories. Even if they’re BS redemption stories, like in the Bible.

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  • ri067953

    hahaha…I’m turning into that dude! All my friends drink gallons of beer and smoke weed all night and I can’t, unless I am at home because I caught a GD DUI. It’s beginning to be ri-goddamn-diculous!!!!

  • refill

    second. or first place loser. what ever. this post was kind of ghey, witha a few laugh out loud moments.

  • Crackee

    damn Bol

  • ChinCheka

    Let’s face it. People like redemption stories. Even if they’re BS redemption stories, like in the Bible.

    very true

  • ri067953

    If you thought the post was gay, but you still laughed at it, doesn’t that make you the ghey?

  • Anonymous

    “… whining about how he makes too much money, and how Rihanna doesn’t really like him the way she likes Chris Brown, perhaps because he just doesn’t have it in him to put his shoe on a woman, like Chris Brown”

    story of my life

  • tensensi

    that was one of the longest sentences i’ve ever read that still made sense.

  • wtf

    How are you employed as a writer?

    • foolio iglesias

      Who said Bol was a writer?

  • huh?

    was em bangin dope???

  • DazzOne

    I wonder if Wayne sobers up, will that effect his lyrics (yes). And if 3 Stacks really doesn’t do drugs. Have you listened to his music? He is not high to come up with some of that shit? Amazing shit that is.

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    I thought “Not Afraid” was gay, and because I don’t like the idea of people quitting drugs

    I became a fan with those lines. too many rappers are on drugs and for em to come out and blame drugs on his failed encore and relapse is a great pr move. I”ve said it many times, NOT AFRAID is the gayest hip hop song behind pumps in a bump. He’s literally crying and singing throughtout the hold song. As for the album dude is yelling and singing 76 % of the time. Again, em is talented but u can tell he’s pulling subject matter out of no where.

    Regardless, he has a strong group of stans.

    • Anonymous

      And a stronger group of haters.pay closer attention to the subject matter and you might not look so stupid ever time you post.Pumps and bumps really are you serious.You must have loved that song and thought it was great since your saying not afraid is great.Pumps pales in comparison to not afraid. on one hand we have a truly inspiring piece of music, on the other hand we have you all time favorite song which is garbage.

      Why cant people be happy for the dude he got sober which is a life long battle because you always have the urge to give in. Quitting and staying sober is harder than saying fuck it give me a pill. I SERIOUS THINK YOU AND BOL ARE THE SAME PERSON, YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE BUT IT ALWAYS TURNS INTO A RANT WITH HATE BEHIND IT AND NEVER CONTINUES TO STAY ON A POSITIVE NOTE.GIVE THE DUDE A BREAK, HE IS CLEAN SOBER AND PUTTING OUT SOME OF HIS BEST WORK IN YEARS AND THE SALES ARE THERE TO PROVE IT,Eminem aint pullin shit out of thin air, leave that to your favorite rapper who is still trying to be relevant mister Soulja Boy.

  • Huh

    em was on tha pills

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  • John Galt

    I don’t know man, you’re kind of slipping. I mean, I’ve definitely been entertained by your wildly fabricated inflammatory opinions in the past, but lately I feel you’ve been reaching an awful lot. Sorry, but this drop in particular is weak at best. Don’t get me wrong, whatever pays the bills, but you’ve still got to be good at what you do to keep those checks coming in.

  • http://www.justice.gov.za Chiliz

    1st week shows Em is recovering his old self & is still the best rapper alive.

    “Not Afraid” does’nt move me..with all the singing & yelling plus the sneakers he is wearing in that video r kinda ghey.

    Lebron + Bosh = Bulls………

    • awesome arsenal

      ^^^^^ hope so, if we don’t land him though, we could easily put up a damn good squad with the second tier guys if we got Rudy Gay, David Lee, and Joe Johnson and keep everyone we already have.

    • Anonymous

      I dont know whats more ghey the fact you noticed what kind of sneakers he was wearin in the video of the fact you wasted you time to look past how great the album is and comment on how ghey his sneakers are,didnt know there was hip hop fashion police.

  • kbo03

    Garbage post, just garbage. Barely rates me telling you, but then you might continue shitting on your keys and posting this bum as shit. I can smell the damn hate through my screen.

  • gaddic

    LAst line was funny as hell
    Them Christians mustbe hella pissed!