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Slim Thug goes to strip clubs primarily to eat

The more I learn about Slim Thug, the more he seems like the coolest guy ever, aside from making music I don’t particularly care for.

Last week, he did that great blog post for Vibe in which he gave black women advice on how they might not die poor and lonely. Black women themselves didn’t seem to appreciate it, but I guess that was to be expected. The only way they could have not proved Slim Thug’s point for him was to not respond at all, or, god forbid, to take steps towards making themselves more desirable. A good first move to that end would be to acknowledge that he’s right.

Black women don’t seem to get that Slim Thug clearly loves black women, as evidenced by the fact that he’s dating a Halfrican American, as opposed to a full-on white chick, and the fact that he’s even bothering to give them advice on how to trap a black man. If he really hated black women, the last thing he’d want to do is give them relationship advice, for fear that they’d turn around and use it to try to get with him. It’s the same reason slave owners didn’t want black people to learn how to read.

I checked Sandra Rose just now, and I see where some stripper who was complaining about dudes who hang out in the club and don’t tip singled out Slim Thug. Presumably, she felt his behavior was especially egregious, because he’s a famous rapper. She said he’s infamous in the strip club community. I can relate, to a certain degree, because in that video of Ashley Logan going off on me on Kay Slay’s show on Shade 45, she claimed to know of several video hoes who have a problem with me, though I don’t make enough money to spend a significant amount of time in strip clubs.

Maybe I’ll start going and not tipping, and see how well that works out. I’ve had chicks yell at me from the stage before for not tipping, but I’m pretty sure that was because I actually went and sat next to the stage during a stripper’s set without setting out so much as a dollar. When chicks yell at you from the stage here in the Midwest, it’s not on some, “Ha ha, this sorry bastard only came to the club with $20 and is trying to spread it out over the course of an evening shit.” She seemed as if she felt genuinely violated (pshaw!) and may have been trying to warn her coworkers of my presence.

It wasn’t my proudest experience.

If I had some money in my pocket and decided to leave it there, it was probably just because I didn’t think the girl was that hot, and I was waiting for someone a little more deserving. The girl may have been Asian. Not that I hate Asian people. It’s just a personal preference as to how I’d rather spend my money. A man can have a preference, right? You’d think she’d be flattered that I even bothered to position myself near the stage, if several other guys in the club opted out altogether, but that’s just not how a woman’s mind works. Every stripper must think she’s hot shit, for the sheer fact that she’s a stripper. How she ranks compare to other strippers doesn’t enter into it – even though it’s been proven (more or less) scientifically that beauty is objective in nature.

A guy my father went to school with goes to strip clubs all the time. I remember one time my father asked him how he could justify the expense, but he said he hardly ever tips or gets dances or anything. He just goes there to eat, hang out and watch the game. He treats It like a Hooters where the girls don’t wear any shirts at all. Which sounds like the way to be, except I don’t know if I like the idea of eating in a strip club. A topless Hooters that maybe costs a few bucks to get in sounds like the ideal restaurant, but guys don’t blow their blow their loads at Hooters. Or at least you’re not supposed to.

(Pro-tip: First of all, don’t go to a strip club in your refractory period, if you live an area where strippers are allowed to do the whole knee in the crotch and what have you, but second of all, I heard the other day on the Stern Show where a guy was suggesting making a tiny crown of toilet paper for your unit. You know, for easy cleanup purposes. The next time I’m on the East Side, I might try either that or spraying a lot of Scotchgard on the front of my khakis.)

In his response to the salty stripper (issued via Twitter, natch), Slim Thug explained that he has a similar philosophy with regard to strip clubs. He’ll go, have a meal and leave. It’s not like he’s there for a free show. (If a free show just so happens to be taking place nearby, then so be it.) He’ll even bring his own girls. The latter makes me wonder if his Halfrican American chick is down for hanging out in strip clubs. I’m already jealous that she’s well-educated and has no interest in his money. Don’t let me find out she watches him get glitter on his face.

You know, come to think of it, as many times as I’ve seen couples together at a strip club, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a guy there with a black woman. Black women might want to take a little time this afternoon to reflect on that.

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