Drake: The softest rapper of all time

Playing Wheelchair Jimmy on the Nickelodeon version of Degrassi is one thing, but what kind of fruit writes a sad song about how one of his jumpoffs decided to get an abortion? A rap song, I mean. No shots at Ben Folds.

Even Charles Hamilton, who’s on drugs, had the sense to realize that talking a chick you knocked up into having an abortion is a sort of victory, impressive enough to brag about in an impromptu freestyle battle with said chick. That line may have gotten him punched in the chin, but it was still a relatively small price to pay.

I did listen to Drake’s Thank Me Later once, the other day, when my “review copy” arrived, but I must have missed the part with the abortion. I only read about it just now, in a story in the New York Times about how Drake is the new face of hip-hop. Step aside, Jay-Z. No, really. It’s fawning to the point that it really does do itself a disservice. Even if I didn’t know jack schitt about rap music, I’m not sure if I could believe that Drake is nearly as good as they make him out to be. They even go so far as to call him the most important and innovative new figure in hip-hop. Seriously? What about Lil B?

The part about the abortion doesn’t come until near the very end, which is chock-full of information about Drake that I hadn’t been aware of. I guess because I have no interest in the guy’s music, I’d read very little about him up until that point. All I knew was the video for “Best I Ever Had,” which I know like the back of my hand. It’s a good thing I forced myself to read that bullshit article through to the very end, because I figure if I’m gonna make fun of something, I should probably know something about it. Otherwise, I’d still be in the dark about the abortion faux pas, and a number of other things.

For example, I feel like I should have been out ahead of this story having to do with his brief relationship with Rihanna – also mentioned towards the end of the article. In fact, I’m pretty sure you could dig through the archives of either this site or my own site and find where I called their dalliance for the PR stunt that it was. She’d gotten herself beaten up by Chris Brown, and so she was trying to rebound with someone who was similarly light skinted, but clearly soft and harmless. For a minute there, she was letting the Mexican dude from That ’70s Show hit it, which I of course took as proof that they were trying to wean her off of black men altogether, but slowly and gradually.

I was approaching the narrative from the perspective of Drake being a more articulate, less incident prone Lil Wayne, a sort of Pat Boone to Lil Wayne’s Little Richard (I believe I also did a post on this), and of course as part of my continuing (in perpetuity) coverage of the Rumble in the Lambo. Drake himself hardly entered into it. And so it hadn’t occurred to me that Drake had no idea that his relationship with Rihanna wasn’t genuine in the least bit. Like Slim Thug’s jumpoffs’ financial woes, it’s one of those things that were inconceivable to me as recently as the other day. I was able to call that shit from the curb, and I live in motherfucking Missouri. And yet, there Drake is in the Times, seemingly shocked by the entire ordeal. (Apparently, there’s also a reference to this on the album.)

When you’re that naive, it’s only a matter of time before you get taken advantage of. My guess is that Drake is gonna somehow manage to get robbed by a woman. Already’s there’s rumors that he may have knocked up one of these video hoes. (No mention of this in the New York TImes.) He may have started that rumor himself, to spread the idea that he gets it on with a lot of black chicks, for branding purposes, but that could just have the effect of giving one of these hoo-ers an idea. And you know one of these video hoes is not about to get an abortion. With Drake’s baby? That baby could be even more fucked up than Sarah Palin’s baby – drooling all over itself, playing with itself at inappropriate times. That just means it’s gonna cost that much more to take care of.

His best move might be to steer clear of black chicks altogether. Word to Slim Thug. Alas, his audience might not like the idea of him getting it on with white chicks. If he does, he might have to keep that shit on the low, like Lil Wayne’s Asian fetish. He’s got a lot of singing on his album. He needs the hoodrat demographic to turn out in full force next Tuesday. And who knows? He might actually like black chicks. His white half is Jewish, and it’s a well known fact that Jewish men hate Jewish women way worse than black men hate black women. Why, I’m not sure. I kinda like ‘em, despite their personality. They’re like regular white women, except, at their best, they’re only about 75% as attractive. But that just makes them that much more approachable. Black men should be so lucky. I’m sure Drake’s father would cosign, if he weren’t in jail.

  • Ally187

    Pierzy!! You A fool for this one Bol FunnY ass Post Fuck Drake Young Homo Baby !!

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      What’s good, fam? I appreciate the love!

      Anyway, Drake is fake. The dude is manufactured, pure and simple.

    • alicia

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      • http://www.GrandTheftVideo.com Milo Scagnetti

        alica: stop spamming

  • geico lizard

    You are not born gay you choose to be gay. Blacks are born black they dont choose it. When you choose to be gay you understand alot of dumb homophobic people will bother you. I believe gay people and transgender people deserve the same rights as everyone else but its not the same as being a race of people. Being black and being gay is not the same so stop trying to compare the two. If Clarence Thomas and Michael Steele could choose to be white they would do it.

    You can say you were born in the wrong body and you want a sex change. If a white guy says he was born in the wrong body can he start telling people he is black because he feels that way inside? Can he start marking black on his census and job applications?

    • eddiesixes

      i can’t believe anyone would want to choose to fuck guys.

    • HU

      (You choose to be gay) That’s a false statement. Get up on your science and rational thought. You are quoting an outdated and heavily biased christian fundamentalist idea used to justify the hatred of homosexuals.

      • El Tico Loco

        Couldn’t the same arugument be used for pedophiles, molesters and those type of abnormal sexual behaviors too? If you’re born gay why doesn’t science figure out a way to determine it during the sonogram (before birth) so it can be put in birth certificates? How do you know your argument was not created by gay scientists? Why are there are so many health complications involved if it’s supposed to be an inborn normal behavior?

        • avenger xl

          Wow you are really going to use the slippery slope argument championed by right wing nut jobs? I am no expert on the subject nor do I give a shit about the issue sadly enough. But even I know that the issue is a lot more complex than the way it is reported by media and christian fundamentalists with junk scientists on the pay role.

    • avenger xl

      Please define what it means to be white? Then define what it means to be black? because I have always felt that we are all born humans with various traits based on our ethnic group. But we are all born human with no sense of black and white we do have brain functions that favor people that look like us at an early age but we are pretty much blank slates. NPR did a great piece on what is means to be white and how it is just a social construct or a staus and the same folks who created this status point and made it the high point by default created being black as the polar opposite. All of this is of course developed off of the race politics that built the U.S. and all of our base tribal instincts.

      I am born human and society labels me as black because of my ethnic heritage. Thus deciding certain things about me before I even open my mouth i.e. a little something called racisim.

    • ye

      you don’t choose to be gay you idiot, that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my life, other than Crawfords comment on rihanna being weened off black men entirely (she dated Andrew Bynum too ya know) you are born with more estrogen than testosterone or vice-versa. you dont choose to be gay, who would just CHOOSE to be gay? cuz they want to be fucking hated on by everybody? then no gays would be in the closet you dumbass

      • avenger xl

        I hope this is for el tico loco,eddiesixes and geico lizard. Because I agree you the whole homosexuality is a choice thing is just fundamentalist fear mongering. They act like teh ghey is contagious or something when the truth is you are either born gay or not.

        • El Tico Loco

          How’s asking questions being hateful or argumentative? Instead of dismissing my questions as hate why aren’t the questions asked answered so maybe the world can understand. You bring up science drop science, if I bring a point to the table is because I want to understand not because I want to be called a hater, that’s a copout in my book.

  • sealsaa

    Maybe Rihanna’s pussy has the same effect that Badu’s does.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    Youngblood’s only been in the game for like over a year, fell off stage & tore his knee up, got played like a video ho by Ri-Ri, saw his 1st hit get docked 25% for taking someone else’s flow.

    And this is y’alls hero? Take him.

    ‘Robot’-Buckshot f/KRS-1

  • newyawka631

    His album is weak….80% of the songs are about females..Listen again…..I might have to get that KRS-one/Buckshot shit…I saw a video for it…I’m feeling it…Go check Krs-One’s 2008(??)Hip-Hop Lives….FIYAAAAAAAAA

    • Brahsef

      What’s so wrong about 80% of the songs being about females? I fucks with females

      It’s a good summer album, not a classic like so far gone, but it’ll be a hot for the summer and then dead by winter

      • El Tico Loco

        Not about females but for females, ask LL or better yet Fabolous how that worked out for them. An album 80% directed at females means that you only gonna enjoy it in the club when chicks get to grinding on you when their song comes on. You gonna get sideway looks if you got that bumpin out your car and the passenger seat is empty. I already know dumb chicks are gonna buy his album with their man’s money. I’m fortunate to have a girl that can’t stand Drake.

    • swype-matic

      That KRS/Buckshot album is the shit!! Plenty of good stuff on there.

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  • SOMETHIN NEW

    Another Drake post? Really? Hmmmm …..

    KEEP PROMOTIN THE DRAKE ALBUM BOL,I’M SURE HE’S HAPPY ABOUT THE FREE PROMOTION YOU AND SLANG EDITORIAL ARE GIVING HIM!!!!!!

    Damn,somebody needs to make a law about dick ridin around these parts.If that nigga is so gay,why you keep dat nigga on your mind to write about him every couple days.And you callin somebody gay? SMH

  • stress

    Sounds like you got alot of hate in your blood for DRake. He makes music, if you wanna say his music is wack (which thank me later is) thats cool. But calling the nigga soft and taking shots at him personally is clear cut hating unless you know dude personally. WAAH WAAH WAAH! Yall cry baby niggas are whats wrong with hip hop, not the music

  • stress

    And oh yeah, How great and funny is it that theres an ad for Drakes album right next to this HAHAHAHAHA

  • Michael

    Mila Kunis is jewish. Have you seen her lips

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  • dat k00n nigga

    see its a white jew telling you what to do

  • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

    “They even go so far as to call him the most important and innovative new figure in hip-hop. Seriously? What about Lil B?”

    LOL!!!!

    Like $yk said, you can have him….both of them.

  • Notorious AGC

    Damn now Jews are gonna take over RAP too? just like the movie business,Jewelery Business etc ?? Those niggaz are busy taking over the world, only take 12 days off the year i believe XD

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  • samuel habtegeorgis

    Hater man fa real

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  • swype-matic

    “It’s a well known fact that Jewish men hate Jewish women way worse than black men hate black women.”

    Haha, wow, as long as dummies like u post and spread this shit, people will continue to believe it.

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    this is a good write as in it is well writen and gets to the reader because drakes fans are suppose to go off. I am not a drake fan. I like music. Musically drake is ill. ILLMATIC ILL, nah. i’ve said this many of times, DRAKE raps and acts like he doesn’t have a soul. Thas his downfall. Soft, ya and so what. I don’t care if the music comes from some one soft. Its hard dudes that can’t rap. I will say drake is consitent and holding it down with the pressure. Lebron James type pressure. Like lebron who isn’t better than kobe, drake is constient and fills a stat sheet. Thing is, our beloved hip hop will see more and more of this. Rich kids who make music vs the kid that struggled to make it. Why? its a buisness now. you got kids wanting to be rappers in preschool. Which means they will write rhymes before they live. Drake rhymed without living. Like micheal jackson, who never had a childhood, drake makes good music. he maybe weird but his music is decent.

  • Intel

    Still talkin about Drake, huh people? It is astonishing how much you talk about dude on a regular basis. Dissing Charles Hamilton, who’s a better rapper than him, is one thing because all of his downfalls are in the open. But it seems like every time I’m on here, there is a large “I Hate Drake” contingency. You want to know how to stop him? Ignore him. The more you talk about him, the more famous he becomes. If you REALLY hate Drake, just shut the fuck up about him. I guarantee you if the amount of people that hate Drake would just not pay attention to him, he’d “fall off” like all you guys seem to want him to. You probably hate Kanye too.

  • Dan

    To the “journalist” who wrote this article, I hope you choke to death on a Jewish man’s dick, you fucking asshole. If someone wrote that black women were just like white women but not as attractive and with worse personalities, Al Sharpton would be demanding people be fired. Luckily for you, because being a hip hop “journalist” is such a fucking joke anyways, nobody gives a shit.

    • Swrodz

      Co Sign,

      I used take BOL hatred of black women for a joke. No it’s just getting sad and I can’t condone that sort of willful ignorance any longer.

      Goodbye XXL I aint never checking this lame ass blog or site again!

  • http://www.bboycult.com Syk

    “TMZ has learned Kid Cudi was arrested in NYC today for felony criminal mischief and possession of a controlled substance.

    Sources say Kid took a 24-year-old woman’s phone and slammed it to smithereens. He also allegedly broke the door of her apartment off its hinges.

    Cops arrived and found a glass bottle of a controlled substance”

    ^ controlled substance=blow

    • Capital G

      glass bottle = vial. Remember them shits? Cudi’s a weirdo, that shit was prolly Special K or some other club drug. Dude was wildin’ though, might’ve been some dust. That shit is making a huge comeback. Cudi prolly got his Jesus on, walking on water and shit. Think it was regular ass perico? Maybe it was an old school jar of ‘dro. Damn the possibilities are endless…

  • Anonymous

    whoeva think drake is fake nikkas iszz hataz nd all diszz shii diszz stupid nikka put on this article… iszz an act of jealousy… Drake is da best!!!!!!! no doubt bout it… nd whoeva disagrees suck it.
    Drake u da best keep it goin..

  • KOKO

    Hip hop stars such as Drake are evolving into more of a ‘global’ phenomenon. A few years ago, MC’s from outside of the US would never reach the top selling singles from the US charts. In fact, all hip hop stars were from the hood or lived the US. However, after the emergence of emo- rappers in the United States opened doors for international stars such as Drake to make a big name on hip-hop. Drake has done something no one has done before – he is not from the hood, never sold drugs, never gangbang and he’s actually is from Canada. I think some ppl in the hood have a hard time listening to drake or his new “Thank me later” album because of his subject matter, he’s talking about struggles that most black people haven’t gone through (success, fame, meeting famous people etc.) and he is not talking about typical issues that most black Americans in the US can relate with (being for the hood, selling drugs, violence etc.) There is no denying that Drake is a great rapper or has potential to be one, even if you’re a hater. There are two things that Drake has going for him; He can rap/write/sing and gives you an honest outlook of his life. Drake was raised on the underground and has been influenced artists such as Slum Village, Little Brother and jay-z. His lyrical ability has put him in the position he is currently in today. I think his subject matter and content will take some time for most people to get used to from his new album “Thank me later”.

    • swype-matic

      I can see ur point in all of that, but the simple fact is, that any objective common sense person who thinks of themselves as a “hip hop” head, can see that Thank Me Later is a little bit better than mediocre. Drake and this album were set up to be the be-all/end-all phenomenon, and was pretty much destined not to be that at all. Drake’s got decent wordplay, but is “enthusiatically monotone”, I ghess kinda how Fabolous used to be. It’s kinda like if Jay-Z wrote Chingy’s lyrics…he may say some good things, but it’s still a chore to listen to.

      • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

        “I ghess kinda how Fabolous used to be”

        ^ lolz

        Fab’s got other things to worry about…

        nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/06/13/
        2010-06-13_cops_eye_fabolous_
        tie_to_slay_on_vid_
        leaving_scene_before_shooting.html

      • cube26

        when jay-z first released resonable doubt people said that he also had a “montone” voice…until people listen to his lyrics his album starting selling…not say that his album is on jay-z’s level….cause jay-z had lyrics were just on another level and way better flow.

  • GoldiLoxxx

    Yes, Drake is Downy soft. And yes, his music is well crafted mediocrity at best. But making light of abortions, retarded babies and intra-racism/self-hatred makes Byron Crawford a true bitch amongst the whiniest, bitchest of bloggers. *that is all*

  • Anonymous

    I cant believe you and well even me for the most part even continue to comment on this ignorant dudes blogs.He is a flake, and needs to find somethin else to do with his time.He gets paid for makin controversial blogs and yall eat it up.Funny thing is, he probably jams the fuck out of the music he talks so hateful about.Though I do agree Drake sux.

  • Caino

    ‘That baby could be even more fucked up than Sarah Palin’s baby – drooling all over itself, playing with itself at inappropriate times. That just means it’s gonna cost that much more to take care of.’

    Thats cold, funny as fuck tho!!

    And to the fools talking about being gay is a decision you make!! Grow up, go out in the world and educate yourself!

  • John

    i never knew XXL had so many retard followers…seriously

  • cmoney85

    Damn some You are the biggest DRAKE HATER I have ever read.Like what is your beef with the man. Is it cause he call himself a thug and then gets exposed over and over on film. Is it because he raps about being a drug kingpin but was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. Or is it because he raps about bitches and hoes… Thats right he doesn’t do ant of that. Cuzzo sings hooks which I guess anyone could do and raps cocky just like most rappers do. Sad really he may be one of the realest rappers out who do it cause he has skill and knows what the people like. That is called entertainment. If you liked so Far gone you more than likey would like Thank Me later and if you looking for the same type of Lil wayne musik or any other half ass non gang affiliated rapper than you looking the wrong direction. Do is in his lane and is resting comfortably.

  • Brooklyn

    “All I knew was the video for “Best I Ever Had,” which I know like the back of my hand.” i bet you do know it like the back of your hand, the front too nigga.

    yeah, drake’s a softy. he’s softer than the sheltered love child of the cottonelle puppy and the bear from the snuggle commercials. what i never liked about drake was that he was forced down our throats because he was a mediocre actor on a mediocre adolescent soap opera who raps, in my opinion, somewhat mediocre. simply because he had some money, he got all that damned attention, when you got niggas more talented than he that gets none. and i wish i could find one of them dumbasses that went out and bought “so far gone” when the nigga had it out for free. they need their asses kicked for that stupidity.

  • Sultri

    That was so insensitive and down right RUDE what you Bryan Crawford said about Sarah Palin’s baby. The term you could substitute for statement could be “Down Syndrome”.

  • http://www.thedollarsmakesense.com WULU

    degrassi was on the n. not nickelodeon.

    and you call yourself a blogger bol.

    dont get shit twisted!

  • PJ

    This article is biased and filled with bullshit. Fuck you Byron Crawford

  • JC

    Byron Crawford, you wack as hell!

  • VADA

    lmao. byron you dumb as hell. drake is the hottest rapper/singer out. he appeals to damn near everybody. besides, his r&b joints be off the chain. check that “a night off” with lloyd.
    and tell me who gives a fuck about rihannas bitch ass? that hoe was all over the nigga dick for a hot second and i aint see nothin about that trick whorin herself around hollywood. so what nigga fucked up with a tramp? what nigga out here AIN’T did that?
    all that shit that was said up there was garbage. i wish niggas would stop hatin on that dude. damn..i aint even him and i’m gettin tired of hearin the shit.

  • http://sportsnewsep.info/ Tristan Wolhok

    This is actually one of many far better articles regarding things that I’ve got please read on the following subject as of late. Great work.

  • http://behindthescenesel.info/bookmarks/ Cleo Weniger

    Amaze! I have been browsing search engines all night just for this and i as a final point found it listed here!

  • tiffany

    Idiot…. I can’t even read the whole article. People always got some negative shit to say Drake is real. Period he never bragged about making shorty get an abortion in fact he did an interview which he clearly looked sorry about it that shit was real!it was one line in a fucking song. He didn’t make the whole song about it. Wtf . Get over ya self …. This article is why I don’t read xxl mag