The miseducation of URB magazine

Whew, that was a close one! For a minute there, it looked like Lauryn Hill would be headlining this year’s Rock the Bells tour. It’s a good thing the exclusive(!) press release put out by yesterday afternoon by URB magazine turned out to be some ol’ bullshit.

In retrospect, the dead giveaway should have been right there in the press release, where it says URB spoke to an insider with Rock the Bells, and they wouldn’t confirm that Lauryn Hill was headlining this year’s festival… but they wouldn’t deny it either! (No really, it says this.) Tha fuck kind of bullshit is that? Couldn’t you say that about pretty much anything? Like, “I spent some quality time this morning with Miley Cyrus, and while she won’t confirm that I’ll be the first grown-ass man to beat it up once she reaches the legal age of consent, she won’t deny that shit either!” I could see if they presented it as a rumor, and something that could just as easily not happen (which it didn’t), but they tagged it as exclusive(!) and sent it out in an email blast, as if it were all but certain.

Not that I’m complaining. I could give a rat’s ass about seeing Lauryn Hill, especially at this point in her career. I wouldn’t even bother still going after Lauryn Hill, if I were them. The lineup in its current state is already pretty much the best rap lineup possible, in 2010. It’s a good thing they have to book so many groups only white people are interested in, so it doesn’t get shot up or anything.

I was seriously thinking about checking out this year’s Rock the Bells, I was just waiting to see the lineup. I haven’t been since I flew out to New York for Rock the Bells ’07, when Rage and the Wu were headlining. (Particularly old people might remember when I wrote about it here.) I was meaning to go the last couple of years, but it just didn’t work out. They added a date in Chicago, which would have worked out well for me, but it was the same day as Lollapalooza – and obviously I’m not gonna miss a rock concert to go to a motherfucking rap concert. I suppose I could have gone to one of the dates in New York or California, but they both seem like such a long way to travel, unless it’s for a very special occasion, like Rage playing one of their firsts shows since they up and disappeared for the duration of the Bush administration, and my first chance to see the entire Wu-Tang Clan (except for Ol’ Dirty, obvs) perform together. I probably wouldn’t have bothered, if I hadn’t missed Rage and the Wu when they toured together back in the mid to late ’90s.

This year, I figured I might have to check out Rock the Bells even if it was the same day as Lollapalooza. I don’t have tickets for Lolla this year, and I’m probably not going, since everyone I want to see there I’ve already seen at least once or twice, if not a few times (and I don’t even go to that many concerts), and everyone there I don’t want to see I really don’t want to see, even if it were free. Part of it’s that I’m scheduled to have eye surgery that same week, and I’m not sure if I want to run the risk of spending that much money and not being able to go, or having it be an awful experience. Having been blind out of one eye for some time now (it’s not as bad as you’d think), I’m not as worried about not being able to see as I am about being on all kinds of drugs, standing out in the blazing sun, gorging myself on the great American lager. I could fuck around and end up being that one guy you always hear about dying at one of these festivals.

Alas, there is no Rock the Bells in Chicago this year anyway. If I do go, it’ll have to be one of the four dates on either of the coasts: two in California, one in DC and one in NY. I caught an interview earlier today with the guy who does Rock the Bells, and he was saying that it had something to do with favoring the cities that have been most supportive of Rock the Bells, and Rock the Bells eventually becoming a two day-long festival – presumably, a destination festival on either of the coasts, a la Coachella and the aforementioned Lollapalooza. If they can get a big-ass venue, like the ones where those festivals are held, and jack the prices up to like $200, they could probably make way more money in one day than in an entire summer of traveling state to state with a gaggle of incident-prone rappers, playing cities like Houston, where there might only be a small handful of real hip-hop fans, despite it being one of the biggest cities in America, right behind New York and LA. I wonder if they had similar problems in Chicago, another big city. I know they didn’t have to cancel or anything. Did Chicago lose an entire festival, just because people in the South don’t know from good rap music? Damn.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?p=80577 jay

    i was a lil surprised when i herd it was lauryn hill to i havnt heard nothin hot from her in years its def not her time lol..im hittin that lloyd banks concert in albany ny at times union square june 2nd tho..live right by it

  • Vega

    Yo Bol have you seen this McDonald’s website for black people? As Charle’s Barkley would say “turrble”

    http://www.365black.com/365black/index.jsp

    • what

      No. Fucking. Way.

  • The Decatur Dictator

    Damn Bol!……who cares about Lauren Hill Not performing at the rock the bells concert? I mean Damn.If it wasn’t for the fact you’re blind in one eye (sorry dude), I would blast on this whole post about you wasting my damn time talking about lunipolooza, cracked (thus ROCK the bells huh?) out lauren hill, rock music ( I do Like Lincoln Park) but anyway, URB Magazine-any magazine for that matter,and what negro still spends $4.95 on a mag? Where he at? That’s the ole’ niggerish crap there man, the only mag selling these days is “Home & Gardens” and that’s because they got 400 negros & underachieving white folk cold calling folk and trickin them into buying them at this backroom call center in Atlanta by the mall. How do I know you ask? Underachieving friends man….Anyway Bol…Damn!Damn!Damn!

    • Capital G

      Son, Linkin Park is fucking garbage. An emo white boy and a rapping chink, shit is the equivalent of musical abortion. Go to the bangers section and check that alphabet soup joint by Raekwon. It’s that New York shit in it’s finest, ain’t no way you can shit on that track. Up north might just’ve dropped something you can get down with. By the way, that Trap or Die 2 is fuckin fire!

      • The Decatur Dictator

        I was not speaking about rap music, since Bol mentioned Rock music i was speaking on that, and furthermore-I happen to like Lincoln Park, If you don’t like it, cool then you just don’t like it, no sweat off of my back. That’s why we are different, I like a diversity of music and you like Trap Or Die 2…It’s cool, I can get down with that. Be Easy.

    • cmoney91

      “the only mag selling these days is “Home & Gardens” and that’s because they got 400 negros & underachieving white folk cold calling folk and trickin them into buying them at this backroom call center in Atlanta by the mall.” HAHAHAHAHAHA!
      As for Bol,today’s title is irrelavant(except the the 1st 2 paragraphs)but good post today.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    If you really want to see both concerts, but can’t be in two places at once, do what I did to remedy such situation: clone yourself.

    I was on some wild-out acid trip adventure back in ’07 and was able to see a MF Doom show in Amsterdam and the clone hit up a simultaneous show that he was performing in LA. I still don’t know how that shit was pulled off…people were saying he was sending an imposter to don the mask and lip sync…shit, I don’t know.

    But what perplexes the mind even greater is how my clone managed to snag more snatch in that time period than the real me was able to. It wasn’t even close–something like a 3:1 deficit. When we later met up in the ATL, I tried to ask him to reveal his uncanny gift of game, but astonishingly, he had no explanation other than, “I’m a clone of Matt Muthafuckin Herbz! THAT is how I gets pussy!”

    It was the right answer, but at the wrong time–I was feeling a little homicidal in my deranged and delirious state–so I murked my clone in a battle so epic, the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Sparta…

    Anyway, clone yourself, Bol…it’s your only hope.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • El Tico Loco

      The Family Guy people are gonna start coming here for ideas.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    I remember reading that drop in ’07. I was still in my 20′s back then. Damn. No wonder I love the Wu.

  • whatever

    havent been to this site in a while, and i was quickly reminded why. bol- you guy still write? and people read it? good for you, i guess. if dumb people wanna read dumb blogs, i guess you got it covered. and matt herbz is still dropping thought provoking comments? is dude an alias or just that much of a clown? whooo cares. *dissapears*

  • RudNare

    “It’s a good thing they have to book so many groups only white people are interested in, so it doesn’t get shot up or anything.”

    HaHaHaHaHa *rofl* :)