How To Stay Single In The Rap Business

Hip hop has more in common with the NBA than balling and rhyming (get it?). Some are considered prodigal sons before they even reach their twenties, while some reach their prime and flame out within their first season, and some are relegated to being a bench warming journeyman throughout their career. Everybody has their own picks for the greatest of all time, and we’ve all been guilty of rooting for a team that seemingly out of nowhere took off and became a powerhouse.

The perks are one and the same, as well. I’ve never understood how, even if you’re well beyond your means financially, you still get free stuff. I mean, most ball players and rapsters can afford the jewelry-ridden watches, luxurious vacation trips and all-green M&Ms as is, yet they still get it for free? Hell, the most I’ve ever gotten was a bottle of Ludacris’ monkey juice, Conjure, and I’m not really that rich at all. Maybe I got into the wrong business…

Anyways, as with the “complimentary” baubles rapsters and hoopsters have to deal with the groupies, slores, trollops, scallywhops and other such unscrupulous, slovenly women whom they can dominate sexually when the money comes. Thing is, most of them are already knee-deep into relationships with women, some of which have been down with them for years. So what’s a rapster to do when the groupies, slores, trollops, scallywhops and other such unscrupulous, slovenly women whom they can dominate sexually when the money comes not-so-suddenly pop up in their lives, risking the solid foundation they’ve already had with their current relationship?

I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but it may be best if they split up with their women.

Before the remaining three women stop reading this post, allow me to articulate. Men are dogs. I am. You are. And you are too. Most of us tend to think with our dicks more often than not (word to the many times I’ve thought about sex while at a job interview), and not too many of us can keep our bozacks to ourselves and our spouses because, for reasons unknown, we can’t decipher what’s better: a possible STD-ridden one night stand with a chick that’s shaped like your secret fantasy, or going home and laying down with the wifey. And to the few of you that can actually choose the latter? You’re obviously not a rapper (or worse, a successful one), and I applaud you for giving me one less email to flood my inbox every day.

And before this gets mistaken as a feminist empowerment post, let me enunciate. Rappers from Mack Maine to Mos Def have a penchant of deep sea diving in too may fish tanks, and most ultimately get caught up paternity suits or, if a whore really wants to reach for the stars, a “tell-all” book or reality show. And that surely won’t fare well for the rapper who’s married and/or with children, as – evidenced by Nas – you’ll end up in a messy divorce, with prosecutors and the judge putting a foot on your neck for alimony and lawyer fees.

So rapsters, do the noble thing and stay single, for the sake of your sanity. You won’t get away with sloring around even when using the most skullduggery of tricks, and the end result is just sad.

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  • $yk

    Many of rappers have held down long term relationships, LL & Will Smith would top this list, no?

    I think this speaks on the mentality of some.

  • Miss Ls

    kudos to you for keeping it real… 98% of rappers and ball players can’t be faithful. why would they when the average man can’t be anyway? which is why i would never date a man in either profession.

    the even bigger joke is men going on the endless quest of defending themselves against being a “dog”. not saying every man is, but the average man is. just sayin.

  • Moving Sideways

    Since I’m a solution-oriented kind of guy allow me to solve this.

    All single guys should try and date a bisexual chick, then share the spoils of war (slores) with her. Granted you couldn’t have a family at that point, but who needs a family when you are getting double-teamed every night.

    • El Tico Loco

      Been there don’t think that everynight the spoils of war are gonna get shared sometimes she’s just gonna want a fish taco night and you just gotta sit there and watch. Bittersweet.

  • caino

    The reason men cant say no, is that we need to take what we can get!! Girls have been getting hit on since they were 12yrs old, the minute those boobs popped out, guys have been trying to bed them! So when a guy makes a little paper, and a girl shows some attention and we dont need to work for it ! Damn right we take it!! It might not be right, but its tha truth!

    And if you are with a guy or whatever and he becomes famous/rich you gotta expect he is gonna hit some skanky ass!

  • R2j

    In this world we live in, you live your life but at the same time be cautious on how you do it too. These women are getting deadlier, crazier and weirder by the day so as a rapper you write what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling about being single or alone cause that’s what I usually do. I’m an unsigned rapper that happens to have a lot of issues that happened in my life, why have a girlfriend or a honey when you’re in an industry that can screw you over?

    Let the women go, in the end they are people too. Like I say “They enter your life for a reason, they leave your life for a reason.” Why have a child by someone that has issues? Why get with someone that like’s to start problems when there’s no need for it to be caused? It’s not just about being a rapper, it’s more about what you’re looking
    for and are you ready to be faithful to your woman. Temptations will come a mile away so it’s your choice if you wanna ruin a good thing. If you’re ready for a long term relationship then be committed to your girl and hopefully she does the same. If not, then keep learning more about yourself and focus on your job. It’s that simple, it’s your choice.

  • EmCDL

    Damn thats some deep rooted words R2j, dude telling the truth.

    Its all about your mindset; some guys just cannot stay faithful when they are in a position like that, and some guys rather have a wifey waiting for them at home and not be bothered with these floozies out here, especially nowadays. Hell, a good example of this is Paul Wall; dudes kept telling him that it was a bad idea to get married and that its some much ass out there to get, but dude has a different mindset than that and got tired with messing with those girls.

  • Chitown

    True words R2J and EmCDL


    Good points. its the game tho. most of the people play it know the rules. I think its this way because its more women then men and a successful baller/rapper aka black man bascially gets first pickings when it comes to women. Even will smith is rumored to be a swinger. LL has other rumors about him. I’m sure denzel washington has a jump off. Morgan freeman at his age has one. I know government officials locally who have jump offs. Its the game. I say live everyday like its ur last and don’t do anything that isn’t worth dying for.