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Why Rawse signed with Diddy

The other day, there was a story at MTV News in which Rick Ross explained why he’s now managed by Diddy. I should have read it at the time, in case I needed to write about it at some point, but I didn’t, because I’m lazy, because I’m black. It’s since been buried underneath a million stories about Bret Michaels (who probably hadn’t been on MTV since 1991, before he had that stroke), Justin Bieber, and what the girls from The Hills had for lunch – which, admittedly, interests me as much as almost anything.

The gist of it, which I gleaned from the dek, is that Rawse felt like he had so much to learn from Diddy. Which wouldn’t seem to make sense, since Rawse is the man at this point, and Diddy is just some sad relic of a bygone era. If anything, Diddy could probably learn so much from Rawse. Rawse is one of a very small handful of rappers with a viable recording career at this point. His last album, Deeper Than Rap, did very well by ’09 standards. Many people actually liked the music on it, and the rest of us enjoyed it as an unintentional comedy masterpiece. He even survived being outed as an ex-cop, and a beef with Fiddy in which Fiddy did all kinds of foul shit involving his family and recorded the best (and some would say only good) 50 Cent song since “Wanksta.” Diddy, meanwhile, can’t even get a release date for his album, despite the fact he’s ostensibly the boss of his own label.

The only thing I can think is that Diddy can teach Rawse how to expand his career outside of rap music. Diddy probably makes a shedload of money from endorsing Ciroc vodka, those silly reality shows on MTV, and probably a buncha other she we either forgot about or weren’t aware of in the first place. He’s probably got more or less the same amount of money as Jay-Z, and he hasn’t had a genuinely good idea a day in his life. Jay-Z at least put out Reasonable Doubt. The Ciroc endorsement is especially bothersome to me, since I’ve been mentioning Yellow Tail on the website of the most popular rap magazine there ever was, for going on half a decade, and I haven’t received shit in exchange. Not even a complimentary bottle of their delicious Shiraz. I mean, it’s not like Diddy actually does anything for Ciroc, other than constantly appear to be drunk off it. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen him in a Ciroc commercial.

But it’s not like I’m famous anywhere other than white rap concerts (oxymoron?) with almost all dudes in the audience. Nullus. Rawse probably should have been had his own line of crab meats by now, just based on how often he mentions them in his rhymes. If he can’t partner with an actual brand of crab meats (since I’m not sure if crab meats come in brands like that), he might want to see about partnering with Long John Silvers. A few years ago, they introduced a product they call lobster bites. I don’t think they were ever that popular with black people, their primary demographic, because they cost like a dollar more than the fish, if not because they’re not really lobster. They’re actually hermit crab. In fact, I think I read once in the world’s most accurate encyclopedia that they’re actually a type of insect. And worse, they taste like shit – though I’m not sure if that’s just because they come from Long John Silvers. They might be pretty good, at an actual restaurant. Don’t French people eat a lot of weird shit like that? A Rawse endorsement would obviously alleviate all of those concerns. Even the taste issue.

Who knows? This could be the beginning of a profitable new third act in Diddy’s career. The trying to be an actual musician thing obviously hasn’t been working out very well for him, nor did the running a successful rap label thing, post-Biggie. But he always did have a certain knack for standing behind people with a modicum of talent, adlibbing, doing silly dances and what have you. I was reminded of this just now, when I heard the new Jay Electronica “featuring” Diddy. Which is the shit, btw. Like a 2K10 low expectations “Who Shot Ya.” It was nice to have Diddy in the background doing his “take that, take that” routine, for old time’s sake, and it was even nicer that he obviously didn’t have much creative input into the record. Could it be that Diddy has finally found the ideal role for himself in hip-hop?

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