The terror of knowing what this world is about

That video of Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine at the Boston Red Sox’ home opener is one of the most ridonkulous things I’ve ever seen on the Internets, and I spent more time than I’d like to admit yesterday watching Mal Malloy videos.

It’s so obviously just a commercial for those Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. Who knew you could get TV news to run an infomercial for a product like that? I mean, I could see if Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine actually had some business at Fenway Park, a local news network went to report on it, and Dr. Dre just so happened to be wearing a pair of Beats. But the circumstances of this report could hardly be any more random.

The bimbo from the station asked Dr. Dre if he had any background in baseball, and he was like, “Um, yeah. I used to play a little bit when I was a kid.” Which he probably didn’t. I’ve been listening to NWA for over 20 years now, and I don’t recall hearing them say anything about baseball – even back when Dre was preaching about how you shouldn’t smoke weed (which you shouldn’t). Whenever you see one of those reports on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel about why baseball teams have to recruit all of those hispanic kids, supposedly because they’re better players, but obviously because black people just plain don’t give a shit about baseball, they show an area that looks suspiciously like Compton, replete with abandoned, overgrown baseball diamonds.

Jimmy Iovine was asked something to the effect of how he was enjoying his visit to Fenway, and his response was that it was especially interesting, because he’d never been there before in his life – even though he obviously has the means. He grew up in Brooklyn. He wasn’t a Red Sox hater per se, having been a fan of the Mets, and having lived in LA since forever, but you got the idea that he could have just as easily never gone to a Red Sox game in his life. If he didn’t think he could dupe the local TV news into running a free commercial for Beats by Dre.

That reporter must have been under pressure from the station to get people to watch her reports, regardless of what they were about. They must be losing a lot of viewers to the Internets, not to mention attrition. You know good and well that if Dre and Iovine could have pulled this shit at a station in LA, there’s no way in hell they would have gone all the way to Boston. When’s the last time you’ve seen a picture of Dr. Dre anywhere other than a studio? The man’s clearly a hermit. I don’t know if he’s still afraid of Suge Knight or what. (He appears to have toned down his roids regiment.) Jimmy Iovine must have some hoodrat he pays to send unsolicited email re: Beats by Dr. Dre, and that was the only station that bit.

The fact that the two of them would even bother just goes to show how much money there is to be made from BS audio equipment. A pair of beats cost something like $300. (I think they did introduce a cheaper pair that’s “only” like $200.) Dre and Jimmy Iovine must be taking home a substantial chunk of that, just to have Dr. Dre’s name on the packaging. It must be an especially good deal for Jimmy Iovine, who didn’t have to do shit but show up to this Red Sox game. I’m not hating. I’m just jealous.

It’s a well-known fact that those Monster Cables are the most egregious rip-off in all of consumer electronics. The tips of those things are made out of gold, but (a) you can’t see the tip once it’s plugged in anyway (no Boutros), and (b) apparently, the color of the metal has no bearing on the sound that comes from the speaker. Who’d a thunkit?! It used to be that even the guy at Best Buy would tell you to opt for the cheaper shit. But Best Buy must have realized what was going on and gotten rid of the cheaper shit altogether. I sent my little brother to cop an HDMI cord to connect my bluray player to one of my HD sets (#ballin), and he came back with some of that gold-plated shit. I told him it was a ripoff, but he said that was all they had. Damn. Of course, Beats by Dr. Dre are made by the same company that makes Monster Cables.

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason we’re supposedly finally getting a new Dr. Dre album is because there’s so much money to be made from those headphones, and having a new album out will provide that many more opportunities to promote them. In the Red Sox infomercial, Iovine was asked what he’d listen to on a pair of Beats. His response? A new song by Dr. Dre and Jay-Z called “Under Pressure.” No word yet on whether it has anything to do with the Queen and David Bowie song. Of course I’m hoping it does, but I’m also kinda hoping it doesn’t, just because that would be the gayest thing to happen in hip-hop in quite some time. The title alone is problematic, regardless of what the song is about. I might need to take another look at that picture of Dre and Jay-Z in the studio. Was that a microphone in the background, or a tube of astroglide?

I kid, I kid. Even if there was a tube of astroglide, I’m sure Jay-Z would have removed it from the frame. He’s very protective of his image.

  • DV8

    who in they right mind would spend $200-$300 dollars on some headphones?

    Wonder what Dre thinks about Cube’s recent jabs?

    • Brahsef

      What’d Cube say? Must have missed that.

      • murK

        “I ain’t the doctor, this ain’t the patient. This ain’t the nigga always on vacation. This ain’t the white boy’s rehabiliation.” – Ice Cube

        Interscope full of gimmicks…

  • 1N1

    That house nigga said he could see people paying 300 dollars for those headphones. Bol’s spot on. Dude’s a hermit.

  • ri067953

    Weren’t they advertising a “Red Sox” edition of the headphones?

  • The Unknown

    Dre looked like a brownie hound in that video. I hope the music is good though!

  • Teddy

    man i dont give a fuck if i had that cash to blow i would buy those headphones just cos dont act liek u havnt spent some bullshit cash on less worthy shit like lets say a pair of jeans jeans dont plug into ur computer and allow you to hear pron in never before heard extra crisp sound quality

  • http://letyoutellit.com/ LetYouTellIT.COm

    Detox better sound good after he been making that dam album since Ja Rule had a career

  • Dime Magnet

    Sad to say. I don’t think anyone will care anymore.

    He waited too long for whatever reason.

    Jay is played out. He is not capable of anything new anymore. Just more poppy.

    thats the thing about being older. They are done with their breakthrough years.

    • El Tico Loco

      So the young cats are making breakthrough music now? c’mon son! GTFOH

    • http://myspace.com/ncprecise ncprecise

      jay is played out? just had his 11th #1 album, highest grossed hip hop tour… and if you’re one of the those so called “hip hop heads”, chuck d said he was the greatest, pharoah monche said everytime he hears a new jay song he asks “how is he not the greatest”… dude… what r u talkin bout??

      • Kats’r'us

        Just because Chuck d and pharoah monche say something we have to believe it, Jay is what he is but he can’t be the greatest because there is no one great rapper. People are getting tired of jay z but the rest of the field is mediocre or washed up that really isn’t a rival or threat to outsell but Dwayne “take it in the butt” carter. SAD.

  • og bobby j

    i got some panasonic HDMI’s for my ps3 and shit….$25 bucks….word to walmart…

  • latino heat

    Dre stays in the studio? for what? besides Relapse, Dre hasn’t produced anything important since Game’s first album 5 years ago. does everyone forget Dre did like 4 beats on Jay-Z’s Kingdom Come album and nobody gave a shit?

  • jim

    Best believe Dre is caking off those headphones, I see broke mofuckas wearing em all the time, if he can get that money more power to him, but of course you niggas are gonna come on here talkin shit like white people don’t do this shit,

  • mikel

    “The tips of those things are made out of gold, but (a) you can’t see the tip once it’s plugged in anyway (no Boutros), and (b) apparently, the color of the metal has no bearing on the sound that comes from the speaker. Who’d a thunkit?!”

    not necessarily, they use gold tips because they’re better conductors than other metals typically used, so they do produce a more consistent and slightly higher quality of sound….that’s not to say monster cables aren’t a giant rip off, you can make your own cables with gold tips on them for much much cheaper

  • El Tico Loco

    I care about no gold tips, if a damn headphone cost as much as a medium size tv nowadays I don’t need it. Maybe if Foxxy Brown’s deaf ass cosigns then we might have something.

  • Enlightened

    Man, Y’ALL SLEEPIN!

    I can’t really be blowing $300 on headphones but THEM MUTHAFUCKAS IS WORTH IT – I bullshit you not.

    I was in Best Buy getting a new deck put in my car (for about a third of what they cost) and while I was waiting, I went over to a display that had “Beats by Dre.”

    I put them muthafuckas on my ear and was mesmerized. That shit might cost a lot, but’s worth it homie. For a nigga who do music and want to hear everything right and get a proper mix, they the shit for real.

  • ….

    You could get an hdmi cable on amazon for anywhere from a few cents to a few dollars. It works fine.

  • audio tech

    i’ll stick to my $10 Coby headphones(at the bootleg spot) thank you

  • caino

    ‘I kid, I kid. Even if there was a tube of astroglide, I’m sure Jay-Z would have removed it from the frame. He’s very protective of his image’

    ahh Bol the illumanati police will be after you now !

    Anyways peopel will still cop Detox whenever its realised cos its Dre, the dude has always taken forever to drop and album (tho this one is taking the piss) older kats who remember the Chronic and 2001 will defo cop it!

  • El Tico Loco

    If this doesn’t put the fact in perspective. Kids that were in preschool when Chronic 2001 dropped are now 10th graders.

  • Joe

    does everyone forget Dre did like 4 beats on Jay-Z’s Kingdom Come album and nobody gave a shit?
    ——
    Helllooooo!!!! Thank you, I been saying this…and compare “the wathcher’ to a jay z jus blaze/kanye collab…THEY DONT COMPARE

    Dre is overrated. Period. He’s the Curtis Martin of this rap shyt. Jus cuz u got longevity dont mean you the best.

    • valdez

      ^^co-sign. dre is def. way overrated. also, as far as the headphones are concerned, i’ll stay away from em. yes, they sound good, but those are not “b” on them, it’s “6.”

  • romil

    When it comes to recording music those Monster Cables last longer and dont put static in your speakers. I can say theyre good for that. But Go get some Bose headphones. lol Dre we waiting on the soundtrack, I was hoping he would stick to his roots on it but it looks like the whole industry is on the album. I know For Sure it will Be HOT THOUGH!!!!!!!!! But Dang Jay Z on the first single???? Should’ve had a new artist popping off from the West

    • valdez

      ^^true dat, bose noise-canceling phones >>> dre

  • djfupayme

    I agree Dre. should have a Hot new west artist on his first track but no! He was told to put his mason brother out first!oops!Did I say that? I mean his most powerful friend out first!

  • Justice4All

    First off, this blog is hilrious, secondly, I don’t think I would ever buy a pair of those headphones outright (unless my mans and dem come through the barber shop with them on the low)-Since I own a recording studio I use Sennheiser HD Phones and they will blow those beats by dre outta herre. Also, that detox album is nonexistant, don’t look for it, you will be dissapointed. I think Dre dropped himself from his own lable like he did Stat Quo, Rakim, Truth Hurts, Mailman and a host of other artist that were waiting on this fool to do something. It’s like waiting on the US mail, you’ll get it after they take their 5 breaks a shift…Anyway, Dre is a great producer, but i think he is beyond being an artist.

  • RudNare

    “I’ve been listening to NWA for over 20 years now, and I don’t recall hearing them say anything about baseball – even back when Dre was preaching about how you shouldn’t smoke weed (which you shouldn’t).”

    HeHeHeHeHetltltltl… *collapsed-again* :)

  • http://www.onethreemusic.tumblr.com MalMoe

    Man I guarentee that at some point they will sell those headphones and put some dr. dre music from detox or leftovers/bonus tracks along with them to get people to buy them. And people will do it. I do want them headphones but I’ll wait til I’m rich or somebody sell them to me. I remember at one point they was selling some lap top or something along with the headphones and it came with all of dre’s albums. No Lie. What up Singapore Kane? I know your on here somewhere.

  • Drefan

    SMH @ hip hop legend Dr.Dre sitting next to greedy Jimmy Iovine all the time talking bout headphones.