I see I might need to get beat up by Rawse

Rawse got pissed at DJ Vlad for posting pictures of him stuffed inside that polyester cop uniform like a big-ass bag of bread, so he had Vlad beat up at - where else? - the 2008 Ozone Awards. Vlad sued Rawse for $4 million, and ended up walking away with $300,000 - $50,000 in compensatory damages, and $250,000 in punitive damages.

$300,000?!

What about all that shit I said about Rawse's obsession with crab meats? Where's my beatdown?

Admittedly, Vlad's injuries sound way more severe than I realized at the time.

In the $4 million suit, Vlad said he suffered a broken eye socket, a broken nose, nerve damage to his face, cheek, upper lip, teeth and gums, and required seven stitches under his right eye following the alleged attack. Ross has always maintained his innocence in the matter.

Rawse is just glad he didn't have to pay the full $4 million, which he probably doesn't have anyway, which is probably why he only got stuck for $300,000 in the first place, his secret career as an epic coke dealer notwithstanding.

"I've been fighting a $4 million lawsuit for the last two years," Ross said. "My defense was a success. I've got to salute Xavier Donaldson, my attorney. Whenever an artist or anybody is put in a position such as a lawsuit in this capacity, so much evidence is represented — videotapes, what have you — to be able to walk out of a courtroom giving the plaintiff less than 10 percent of what he requested, I consider my defense a success. God bless America! The lawsuit is done. Even though I plan to appeal the decision, I thank the courts for the monetary decision that they made. They were extremely lenient, I appreciate that. It's back to the business for the boss."

Vlad, meanwhile, considers this a victory for hip-hop journalism.

“As an individual that covers breaking news in the hip hop world…I am grateful that the jury punished Rick Ross for setting me up, when all I was doing was covering the news and making commentary,” Vlad said after the verdict was announced.

Damn it if this isn't starting to sound like a win-win.

Yeah, DJ Vlad's eye got all fucked the fuck up, but I'm sure it's not anything $300,000 can't fix. My eye is all fucked the fuck up, and I haven't gotten shit for it. Rawse could pretty much have my eye, at this point. It's not like it's serving any purpose.

Rawse is out $300,000, which I'm sure is a tougher blow than he'd like us to think, but you can't discount the value this will add to his "personal brand." Finally, he's on record as having broken the law, rather than just enforcing it. I'm still not buying any (literally any) of that shit he says about being a coke dealer - but between this and that guy from Don Diva who got killed, supposedly related to his coverage of Rawse, I'm pretty much willing to forget that Rawse used to be a cop. This is like how Pac didn't have a criminal record until he had an album out, then he went and did all of that stupid shit. At a certain point, you have to give a man credit: Fine, you're a criminal!

Lest we forget, Denzel's character in Training Day was ostensibly 5-0, and he was the baddest of all badasses. Rawse might even consider a Training Day theme for his next album, if I can't talk him into making an entire album about crab meats (even more so than Deeper Than Rap). The part where he'd compare himself to King Kong would be especially clever, given his girth.