Great Moments in White Rap History – Well, Not That Great

Hi, it’s Kool A.D., (slave name Victor Vazquez) from the weirdo hipster bullshit rap group Das Racist, back again with yet another blog entry for you to look at instead of doing real work at your job.

We’ve all heard a lot about The M&M and The Vanilla Ice rapper, but what about those unsung heroes that have paved the way for the rich, sprawling tapestry that is contemporary Caucasian hip-hop? Below are five classic moments in White rap history, as documented by YouTube…

MC ROVE:

This is seriously one of the most insane YouTube videos I’ve ever seen. At some sort of White House dinner or event or whatever type of Illuminati gathering they get up to in that nest of evil, this White devil man raps about George W. Bush’s senior advisor, Karl Rove, saying, “That’s right, he can’t be beat/Because he’s so White from his head to his feet,” while Karl Rove tries to dance like a Black person and say his name the way he imagines a Black person would (which apparently is like some sort of bear-gremlin). It’s funny to imagine some White House public relations dude having to track down the one Black guy at the event and have him present on stage so that the whole thing would “look less racist.”

SUPER BROKER SHUFFLE:

I have no idea how or why this video got made but it has some of the ILLEST PUNCH LINES AND METAPHORS I HAVE EVER HEARD.

THE RENEGADE JEW:

In 1994, a Wall Street millionaire dropped three thousand dollars on recording and promoting a rap album under the (AMAZING) rap name “The Renegade Jew.” The song never fails to make me shake my head with my mouth wide open (pause) with lines such as: “My family is paid/But not off the slave trade;” “Just like the Holocaust gets me in the shower,” (???), and this zen koan of a line, “Blacks and Jews have always been hated/If we didn’t exist we would be created.”

WHITE RAPPER SAYS N-WORD AT RAP BATTLE IN SPOKANE, WASHINGTON:

I really like this dude’s ad-libs about how “hip-hop is hard, you need to articulate” and that rappers shouldn’t be “just fuckin’ around, you know, tap, tap shit.” And his ponytail is ON ANOTHER LEVEL. HE IS REALLY OPENING UP MY EARS.

DENNY BLAZIN HAZEN – AVERAGE HOMEBOY:

I actually have no words for this.

  • sneed

    first bitches

  • Anonymous

    That’s just wonderful… Thank God for Slim Shady

  • MaxDowski

    U racis!

  • dolo

    great post.. had me in stitches man..The Renegade Jew used to always have ad’s in the source, Too funny. Never actually heard the song. I always ask cats if they remember those ads. Only a few actually do. Rove was just insane as was his sidekick shuckin and jivin away.

  • C Bo

    Average homeboy got swag thru the roof.

  • Lisa

    shit is hilarious but seriously.. I couldn’t watch any of these all the way to the end. They all made me uncomfortable. Especially karl rove..

  • Sha

    I’m going to ruffle some feathers with this one but…. I am actually thankful for these dudes. Without them Caucasians wouldn’t know what “Real” hip hop is. Without this type of racist stereotypical behavior we wouldn’t have the Yang to all of this stuff. Yeah, it will burn some cats to look at it (me included), but we as a nation and as a culture are better in spite of it. Shit… Without Mario Van Peebles, you wouldn’t be able to have a trail blazer like Denzel. All of this is necessary so that we can grow. Contrary to what those fuck-head “Tea Party” people think, hip-hop has brought the races closer together. This shit is visually painful… But consistently necessary…. For growth.

    • D-Thorn

      whats the fuck-head tea party have to do with this.

  • pluck212

    AVERAGE HOMEBOY IS ASHER ROTH BEFORE ASHER ROTH LOL!!!!

  • ziggy

    ponytail guy said some concious tip rap evrbydoy is listenin to all the shit about jewles etc but this guy is white but hes smart too yall shoulda listned instead of just makin fun of him too

  • STOP ROCKIN SILVER & CZs

    The MC Rove shit was too funny, im suprised I didnt catch it on the news. Super Broker shit was just weird. The Renegade Jew was…uhhh…diffrent? LoL. White Rapper drops N word at Rap Battle, was soo fuckin corny, dudes a bum. I dont even care about how dude was white, he just looked like a fuckin retart not takin the ways of hip hop/rap seriously. & the Denny Blazin Hazen Average Homeboy shit had me laughin my ass off, too fuckin funny…i cant believe people really made shit like this HaHaHaHaa, let alone think their good LoL

  • hartford ct

    im a white(italian) emcee from hartford ct

    check me out

    i was nomaniated best mixtape in my entire state and best song of the year in 09

    and been on the main radio out here

    http://www.myspace.com/willianosantoro

    real 90s type hip hop

  • big A

    What about the 80s Zelda rap!????

  • Anonymous

    das racist is the most embarrassing white rappers

  • psy

    i think the last one was a hidden track on ‘license to ill’

  • ryan

    Hey, is that first guy rapping brad sherwood?