Time for an upgrade, kthxbai

You know I don’t usually do this, but… props to Reggie Bush for knowing when and how to get rid of Kim Kardashian.

I read yesterday on Sandra Rose that he dropped her like a bad habit via text message, while she was out of town – which is probably the best way you can break up with a woman, provided you can afford sufficient security to make sure she doesn’t try to exact revenge on your car or some shit. If I had a shedload of money, and, um, a woman, that’s the only way I’d go about ending a relationship. Why bother doing it in person, where she might take a swing at you, or start crying, or say some foul shit about your mother (as if I give a shit)? It’s not like you have to worry about what she’ll think of you. You won’t be seeing her again anyway!

I’ve heard it argued, in some of the books I read to pick up strategies on how to confuse women into having sex with me (which is what I’m gonna have to do, until I strike it rich), that you should try to make a clean, amicable break with a woman, lest she tell every other woman she ever meets that you’re a douche, just because your relationship didn’t end as well as it could have, but I don’t know if I’d trust a woman who took anything a man’s ex-girlfriend said seriously. That’s just the first sign that her mind is not right. Word to Matt Berninger.

But what do I know? Sadly, I’ve still got a lot more book learnin’ than I have actual real world experience, let alone “free” real world experience. I’m pretty sure I even got on Reggie Bush for getting with Kim Kardashian in the first place, either here or on my own site; but now I’m starting to think that may have been the best idea evar – and not just because Kim Kardashian has a body that’s built for sex (perhaps quite literally).

Of course, my main concern with Kim Kardashian was that, not only had she been with motherfucking Ray J, but she’d been in a pr0n film with him. Following Ray J is bad enough, but following Ray J with a woman who’s been in pr0n, with Ray J, is almost as unfathomable as getting Superhead pregnant – if that’s even possible at that point. The only upside is that there couldn’t have been any doubt in Reggie Bush’s mind that he was gonna saddle up behind Kim K’s gargantuan ass, ride her hard and put her back wet. Possibly on the same day they met. He may have even approached her after he saw the pr0n film, with the thought that he could take over Ray J’s role in the sequel, like Omar Epps playing Willie Mays Hayes in Major League 2.

I’m sure my fellow upgraders reading this understand the thought process that goes into trying to trap a white chick. Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl. You can kinda assume that the better a white woman looks, the less likely she’s down to fuck with a brother, but it’s pretty much impossible to say for certain, based on looks alone. Devoid of any contextual information, she could be the late, great Kacey Kox, or she could be a full-on neo nazi. Sometimes the best way to get with a white chick is to find a white chick that you know has already been with a black guy. It’s not like that was her last time – or her first, for that matter. You know the old saying..,

You get the idea that Reggie Bush, like Kanye West, had his heart set on upgrading all along – there was just an obstacle in his way. In Kanye’s case, it was his mother, who fell victim to what Jello Biafra would call a plastic surgery disaster. I’m assuming Reggie Bush was concerned with his image. The dead giveaway (no Donda West) was the fact that his handlers let him pose for the cover of Essence magazine, perhaps to set him up for a post-NFL career acting in Tyler Perry movies, or writing books on Why Black Women Can’t Find Good Black Men, or some shit. They must have figured that Essence’s readership would give him a pass on interracial dating, since Kim Kardashian is kinda black: she was on the cover of the late, great King magazine; she let a black dude hit it from the back, for the world to see; and both of her sisters snagged black ballplayers. What else should she possibly have to do to cement her honorary black status? Shield Obama from a sniper’s bullet?

Leave it up to black women to thrust a successful straight black man into the loving arms of white women forever. Reggie Bush may not have been with a legit, according to Hoyle black chick at the time, but he was at least trying to reach out to black women. You think he needed to be on the cover of Essence magazine? Because I can tell you right now, the only way I’d appear on the cover of Essence is in a sweaty, post-coital embrace (think Lil Wayne and Baby on the 10th anniversary issue of XXL) with Anne Hathaway. I checked Necole Bitchie just now, to conduct my usual five minutes worth of research for this post, and wouldn’t you know, she had a video of him and and his bottled water carrier leaving a restaurant in New York with two chicks who looked like they’d been sprung from the depths of my subconscious.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com jimmy price

    Major League 2 is the best

    • geico lizard

      That Major League 2 reference was really perfect Bol.

      “(which is what I’m gonna have to do, until I strike it rich)”

      ^^^
      Playing the Lottery,FTW

      “and not just because Kim Kardashian has a body that’s built for sex (perhaps quite literally)”

      ^^^
      They showed Kims high school pictures before the surgeries and she looked more like Khloe in those days.

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    u gotta love it when Bol starts off his blogs like that, LOL, that shit be too funny.

  • bigjon

    I could give a damn about Ray J, Reggie Bush, whoever.

    I would throw a ring on Kim K quick fast. That body is a wonder of the world.

  • http://none yo yo

    Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl.

    • cmoney91

      co-sign

  • El Tico Loco

    Kim K is a dream jumpoff but not a dream wifey, period point blank.

    • yoprince

      c/s

  • Ayre

    @ El Tico
    Amen!

  • raazi36

    …Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl… You Ma’fuckin right BOL ! ! ! !

  • P. Harris

    Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^Hilarious!!!

    I don’t know if anyone else has peeped it? Or, maybe I just look at this, but I always noticed that white chicks, who smoke, if they smoke Newports… it’s a good chance they’re down for the swirl…

  • giantstepp

    “Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl.”

    Classic!!
    Also ANY whitegirl in a Black club is down, PERIOD!

    • Slymm

      “Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl.”

      *Falls the Fuck Over*

      “Also ANY whitegirl in a Black club is down, PERIOD!”

      C/S

      “I don’t know if anyone else has peeped it? Or, maybe I just look at this, but I always noticed that white chicks, who smoke, if they smoke Newports… it’s a good chance they’re down for the swirl…”

      I noticed that shit too. Usually they smoke weed, too…

  • Phillmatic

    “The dead giveaway (no Donda West)”

    The guy who writes Kanye’s blog is gonna be posting an all caps affair tomorrow.

  • Themoreisee

    White girls that wear Reeboks are down.

  • bxrich3

    the only way I’d appear on the cover of Essence is in a sweaty, post-coital embrace (think Lil Wayne and Baby on the 10th anniversary issue of XXL) with Anne Hathaway.

    i need to stop reading these damn posts at work.. laughing too damn hard

  • tstiffy

    I think Reggie not only had the video weighing heavily on his subconcious, but when Ray-J spit the hottest line of his career recently, something like: “That used to be Ray-J bush. She used to blow like birthday kush.” Reggie couldn’t take it any more.

    If Ray J can justifiably dis your girl, it’s time to move on.

    My homeboy dumped his ex via FedEx while he was out of town on Christmas Eve this past year. Reggie needs to step his dump game up.

  • Roget

    Word to the Dead Kennedys

  • http://www.bboycult.com Don ‘$yk’ McCaine

    “Unless she’s wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, in a Wal-Mart, with a cart with a black baby in it, it’s hard to tell whether a white chick is down with the swirl.”

    * runs into traffic Martin Lawrence style *

  • BEEZIE!

    Win the Super Bowl… get rid of your cumdumpster girlfriend… find new cumdumpsters… Reggie’s on top of the world!!!!!

  • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

    I knew that was gonna happen between the two of them, dude younger than her and he has jump-offs thrown at him left and right, literally. It was only a matter of time.

    Co-Sign El Tico Loco, all you gotta do is look at one of her shows and you can tell she ain’t wifey material. Girl ditzy as hell…buuuuuuut I’d still smash it if I had the chance, whether if Ray J hit it or not.

  • ruffi mane

    she let a black dude hit it from the back, for the world to see; and both of her sisters snagged black ballplayers
    ^
    Kourtney’s married to a cracka ass cracka but if it counts for anything I heard Mario Lopez hit it (he has some color, no?)

    I bet Reggie’s going to upgrade to full on white girl – blonde hair blue eyes – Elin Woods style

  • strayz

    This blogger needs therapy, seriously. You’ve got mommy issues that have fueled your disdain for black women and your obsession with white women. Clearly your mom didn’t raise you right but shes still your mom. When you would allow a chick to cuss out your mom and think nothing of it then its time to check your priorities.

    Reggies a fool for letting kim go though, thats the baddest white chick out there hands down.

    PS… Anne Hathaway? Thats your fantasy girl?? Of all the white girls you could…. Anne Hathaway?? Well to each his own.

  • BIGNAT

    “You can kinda assume that the better a white woman looks, the less likely she’s down to fuck with a brother, but it’s pretty much impossible to say for certain, based on looks alone. Devoid of any contextual information, she could be the late, great Kacey Kox, or she could be a full-on neo nazi.” give them a drink that way you can tell if they pull you close you in. or if you hear i have never touched anything darker than me. or my fave is what the say about black guys true. i turn that into a joke hell no girl my credit is good hahahahahha. you want your white women to talk different from you but not to proper. that goes for any bitch if she is correcting your grammer you most likely don’t want her ass anyway.

  • gerald n. the birdman

    Word to Jello Biafra

  • J-town

    I saluta you Bol, u a genius dawg. How can Perez Hilton be famous n u not, step ya game up bro!

  • whatsgood

    when bol is at his most petty, few people can touch him. hating has rarely been this funny and insightful.

  • Cal

    Man wifey material, I think not but the epitome of cock marinating bliss? Hell yes!!!

    These are hard times one needs to get their priorities straight.

  • town biz

    “like Omar Epps playing Willie Mays Hayes in Major League 2″

    Thats’s pure comedy

  • Zaza

    Heres hoping Bol don’t ever create any female mini-Bol’s cuz when they read what daddy thinks of women with his and their own skintone(yes half black kids are STILL black)they are gonna have some serrrriuss daddy issues.

    If the man sitting up in the Oval Office didn’t think any ol’ white chick was an
    ‘upgrade’ I don’t need to thanks.
    Bol,you’re kind of proving the myth that black men will lap up even the bottomest white girls,even with your fantasy tricks.First that musty Ke$ha beast,and now Anne Hathaway?Too damn pasty and her giant eyes have more than a passing resemblance to kermit the frog.Never seen a photo of them in the same room,just sayin.

  • Zaza

    Oh and on Kim K,if there were any further confirmation needed that the bitch is dumb,it comes in the fact that she genuinely thunked Reggie Bush would be ready to settle down at 24.Um no dumb dumb!And not to Raj J’s former mattress.

    Kim’s increasingly knifed up face is already starting to look like her mothers.She’s getting close to 30,failed marriage already, and everyone knows who’s used her goods,she’ll probably end up getting a crazy amount of surgery to avoid the sad fact that unlike black,white does indeed crack,and end up married and divorced to some european millionare no-ones heard of.

    • BlackBoy

      OMG please tell me you meant to say “thunked” on purpose after detailing how dumb someone else is. PLEEEAASSE tell me you did that on purpose… this is too much *dies*

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    “First that musty Ke$ha beast”

    ^ Good 2 know I’m not the only one who can see this…