The other day, a hoo-er named Kat Stacks put out a video in which she claimed to have banged a number of b- and c-list rappers, including the entire roster of Young Money, sans Drake and Lil Wayne. You can tell a lot of what she said was true, because the rappers she claims to have banged seem like the kind of people who would bang a hoo-er like Kat Stacks.
This is not 2001, or whatever year the late, great kris ex discovered Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. A lot of these rappers and athletes are starting to wise up to the fact that you can’t just bang any ol’ hoo-er and not expect people to find out about it. Jamie Foxx once almost accidentally banged Superhead, but then he realized who she was, and was like, fuck that shit! Why do you think Superhead is out here writing books about how to properly handle a man’s balls, instead of sequels to the original Confessions of a Video Vixen, or whatever it was called, in which she swallows all of the loads in the first book? It’s because rappers have finally caught on to her ruse. These days, the only time you hear about a rapper banging Superhead is when a rapper wants you to think he had sex with a woman – like that time when Lil Bow Wow supposedly got Superhead pregnant.
I’ve heard that the only fool proof way that a man of a certain means can prevent his business from getting out in the street is to get with high priced hoo-ers, like that broad Eliot Spitzer was banging, who supposedly has the best-looking vagina of any woman evar. Yeah, Eliot Spitzer ended up being replaced as Governor of New York by a blind black person, but it wasn’t because any of his hoo-ers snitched on him. I heard it was because he was gonna try to go after those banks that fucked up the economy and then got huge bailouts, I guess as a reward. The TIs know any and every politician who ever dropped a load on a call girl’s chin, but they only pull your file if they think there’s a risk of you serving the will of the people. They may have even gone after Eliot Spitzer as a warning to anyone who was thinking about challenging the bailouts – which would help explain why that process went so smoothly, while it’s been so difficult to get half-assed universal health care.
But I digress.
I heard the NBA even has a program where they take young recruits, many of whom probably aren’t very strong readers, and explain to them how to deal with these hoes. I’m not sure what exactly they tell them, but obviously the idea is to prevent these situations like you used to hear about in the ’90s, when some of these clowns would have kids in pretty much every city with an NBA team. Or the situation Michael Jordan found himself in; I heard the woman he was married to was a well-known jumpoff, throughout the NBA, but Michael Jordan didn’t know any better, because he grew up in the sticks. Fast forward 10 or 15 years later, Jordan was out hundreds of millions of dollars. Not that it matters, when you’ve got the kind of money Michael Jordan has. He’s out here upgrading without a care in the world, like he should have been in the first place. But of course not all basketball players are as fortunate as Michael Jordan. I’ve heard some of these guys who only made $100 million somehow managed to lose literally all of it.
Speaking of epic losers, if you’re one of these guys on Young Money whose name isn’t Drake or Lil Wayne, I’m not sure what difference it makes which hoo-er you banged, or who found out about it. If I were, say, Gudda Gudda, I’d be less concerned with people knowing I banged Kat Stacks than with (a) people thinking I actually paid money for the privilege, and (b) the fact that she looks like she might be a guy. You can see how (a) and (b) tend to coincide. I wouldn’t want people thinking I banged a girl who looks like a guy, period, but I certainly wouldn’t want people thinking I had to pay money to bang a girl who looks like a guy. Kat Stacks was supposedly paid $1,200 to bang all of Young Money, except for the ones anyone ever heard of. Even if there were 10 people in Young Money, that would still be too much money. I’m pretty sure I could pay a much more feminine woman to bang an entire bachelor’s party worth of guys for less than $1,200. Not that I have any idea what a typical price per throw would be for an extremely low class hoo-er. I’m just assuming.
If I had to guess, I’d say the b-squad from Young Money did run a train on Kat Stacks, but they didn’t pay for it. She offered herself to them, free of charge, and they went for it, probably because they thought she saw them in that “I Wish I Could Fuck Every Girl in the World” video. You know how these weed carriers tend to harbor delusions of grandeur.
She probably wouldn’t have done it, except that she thought she could use it to make a name for herself as a sort of low expectations Superhead. But she had to claim she charged money for it, despite her looks, because she couldn’t have people thinking she let an entire rap group run a train on her just so she could have something to write about. The Superhead move only works if people think you somehow got forced into your hoo-erish behavior, due to upbringing, and then you decided to write about it, to empower yourself. Plus, you know how women are about group sex. 9 times out of 10, when you hear about gang rape, it’s really a consensual train that a passerby happened to notice. Or started to chafe 3/4ths of the way through.
Young Money probably wouldn’t have bothered, except that Lil Wayne is in the joint, and Drake probably doesn’t come around when Lil Wayne is not around. They aren’t catching that pussy shrapnel like they did back when they were on tour. They may not have been in a position to turn down Kat Stacks, but you can tell they didn’t pay for it, because they supposedly all live in an apartment together, and why would they throw away money like that, if they can’t even afford separate units? That’s the one aspect of her story she obviously didn’t think through.