Maybe “Area Codes” was a true story

You know I don’t do this, but… props to Ludacris for having the number one album in the country.

The other day, in a post about my new favorite video ho, the girl with the towel wrapped around her in Luda’s video for “How Low” (if you’ve seen it, you know which one I’m talking about), I mentioned how the video might not air very many times, since no one seems to give a shit about this Battle of the Sexes album, but apparently I was mistaken.

I checked this site’s news section just now, to see if Lil Wayne has met Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson yet, and I saw where Battle of the Sexes is set to debut at the top of the Billboard 200 next week. I was shocked. Granted, it’s only expected to sell about 120,000 copies, which is only an impressive figure by 2010 standards, but that’s still enough to make it the number one album in the country.

Unless you count my boo Ke$ha, which some people don’t (haters), this might be the last time a female rap album is the number one album in the country evar – barring something unexpected, like Foxy Brown posing for photos like the ones she took for Ill Na Na, with her new jumbo size cans. Which actually don’t strike me as being all that hot, despite their size (it might be what I heard about her personal hygiene), but I find myself compelled and drawn beyond my will to stare at them every time they pop up in a YouTube video. Like this one she just put out with Ron Browz. I’m not gonna lie – I watched that like three times.

The only other thing I could think is if Lauryn Hill got her shit together, at least for as long as it would take for her to record another album. You see how many people ran out and copped that Sharday album (don’t google Sharday), not to mention Susan Boyle. People like the idea of an older women taking one more go at it. If they let Queen Latifah sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl, who knows what the response to a new Lauryn Hill album might be. She must make a dollar every time a cracka-ass cracka in a Hawaiian shirt sings a Bob Marley song in a bar on a Thursday night. Otherwise, she probably would have tried that shit a long time ago.

When I saw that Ludacris was putting out an album full of guest appearances by female rappers, of course my initial thought was that he’d run out of ideas and was just trying to buy himself some time before he put out his next real album. If Battle of the Sexes didn’t sell worth a shit, he could just claim it’s because it’s got a lot of women rapping on it, and people don’t want to hear women rapping any more than people want to hear a woman tell a joke.

But maybe Ludacris knew what he was doing. I don’t think Ludacris knew an album full of collaborations with female rappers would sell as well as it has, but maybe this is part of an overall scheme to build his female audience, for his movie career (where all of the real money is), and the fact that people actually bought it was an unexpected bonus. It does seem to follow in a pattern I’ve noticed of him pandering to women, seemingly for no apparent reason. Like that time when he was so adamant to get on Oprah (no Stedman). And that godawful song “Runaway Love.”

As I’ve discussed here before, there’s no money to be made these days being a man. Hoodrats have all the money. I’ve learned this the hard way. I’ve spent years and years developing my craft as a writer, when I could probably make way more money posting pictures of celebrities, if it wasn’t for my testicles and being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost – the two things that make us men. Nullus. If only I could be as cynical as Ludacris. I could escape this shanty town before one of the natives steals my laptop, in which case I’d be really shit out of luck.

  • anutha_level

    “I checked this site’s news section just now, to see if Lil Wayne has met Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson yet…”

    word to Penatentiary

  • Ayre

    If Strippers all over the country bought that album at the rate they bought it at my store, then I can see 120,000 sold.

  • geico lizard

    Bol,you should give up like Luda and start writing for Jezebel. Luda did an all women guest spot album after Shawna smoked too much weed and decided she would leave the label instead of doing a best of both genders album with Luda. Shawna thought Luda would flop without her but she didnt realize she wasnt the only rapper in america with ovaries Luda could exploit.

  • eesco

    First of all **Fleece “booty warrior” Johnson*** f’ing classic. I laugh evrytime i see that.

    Now on to Shawnna being dumb as hell. I can imagine how an artist feels when they feel they have that star power but can’t seem to break through. I think Shawnna falls into this category. She wants to be a star so bad and probably feels like luda wasn’t for her best interest. She wants to shine and luda currently has all of the shine being that he is the leader of the crew. She made a move to roll with t-pain thinking that she will blow up under his guidance problem is she just doesnt have that cross-over appeal that so few artist have. Admittedly she is a dope female mc but as far as a female who could blow ehhhhhhhhh. I personally think that she should have stuck around atleast until the battle of the sexes joint dropped cause now she left with no promo again. If she would have stayed she could have gotten her face out a little more to corporate america. I mean her name isn’t even mentioned in the features on the album even tho they kept her vocals on like 4 songs. Its just my opinion but I think she is saying to herself,especially after seeing the album still doin 120k 1st week, “Man…I F***ed Up” (Dave Chappelle voice)

  • cmoney91

    “sharday” hahahahahaha!

  • John Cochran

    That chick in the towel had on no less clothes than the other chicks in the video, but I almost felt when I saw it that she was justtoo much for regular tv. I stumbled upon the video channel surfing( I wouldn’t dare actually sit and watch 106). There hasnt been a reason to watch videos in a while. Luda should teach her how to rap and make some money off her, fuck Niki Minaj Chaka Khan lookin ass.

  • latino heat

    i kinda feel bad for Shawnna. they’ve been talking about this Battle Of The Sexes album for about 5 years now and she probably thought like i did that it was never actually gonna see the light of day.

    now she’s off to T-Pain’s label with no promo or momentum from this album, only to be T-Pain’s tax write-off. it’s a shame too cause she really does have talent. Block Music was a hot album, and not just hot “for a female mc” but really a hot album. somebody should have told her that patience is a virtue.

  • yoprince

    *youtubing the how low video*

  • BIGNAT

    bol you will make it out the shanty town one day. you might be wearing a toe tag and be under a white sheet but you going make it out homie.

    • http://www.bboycult.com $yk!

      LOL @ Nat

      Food is ready! Click to eat…

  • RR

    I liked The Big Lebowski reference…Very nice…

  • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

    Damn, I just saw the video on youtube…that chick with the towel thick as all hell…

  • av

    hey fuck what yall are talkin bout, this gay ass web site just told me that i was posting messages too fast. man fuck yall , yall cant tell me how fast to type messages.Fuck you. ps ludacris is the shit

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  • Justice4all

    Women buy music, men freeload.

  • nicholasdelorejo

    To be honest Shawnna leaving this album was the best thing for Luda. People in general don’t buy a lot of albums that feature artists they don’t particularly like, especially if its female rappers. So why would anyone want to buy an album with Luda featuring a chick who doesn’t have here name out as much.

    Also as the person above said women buy music from female artists but only if they possess either the broken down, depressed character or the high school,boy-crush, sexual, oblivious to real issues female artists. Of course Sade and Susan Boyle would sell because one has issues in getting a man and the other reminds the women of their ugly, reliable. Britney Spears and her carbon copies sell because their music relates to the tweens who are looking for the special guy who would one day give the baby that she’ll carefully dispose of into a garbage can during Prom night (props to Family Guy).

    Women don’t buy remale rappers because they, like female basketball players, remind them of dykish women. And the subject manner(over the top sexual and thug mistress references), deep voice, and their male-like pronounciation don’t help either. Women would rather listen to a Luda’s sexual degrading lyrics because he’s a man than Shawnna who may give them the impression of being a carpet muncher.

    • Swordz

      Co-Signatured

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