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Caulk in your ass: never a good idea

My obsession with butt injections, ass implants, or whatever some video hoes are supposedly using to artificially enhance their rear ends lies in the fact that, if such a technology really does exist, it might be the greatest technological innovation of all time, right up there with Viagra.

Maybe even more so than Viagra. I might change my mind about this when I’m a senior citizen, if I’m not already dead at that point, but I’m not sure that a pill that can give an old man a boner is really such a good idea. I’m not nearly as virile as I was, say, 10 years ago, and I’m actually kinda enjoying. It used to be the case that, like most black men, I could achieve a semi – without any pocket pool involved – on the basis of a solid 75% of the white female population between the ages of 13 and 39, but nowadays I won’t even look twice at a woman, unless she’s a Midwest 7. Would I want to be any less virile than I am? Probably not – though sadly I’m not sure what difference it would make.

The thing is, I’m not sure if ass implants really exist. The only time you ever seem to hear about them is when there’s a picture on the Internets of a woman with a ridonkulous ass, and some salty beeyotch in the comments section tries to claim that it’s not “real.” And you know how women can be on the Internets. Their response to any picture that might cause a woman to have issues with her body image (which is not necessarily a bad thing) is that it’s not real. Granted, some of them aren’t, but some of them clearly are – and you’d that women, who spend most of their time on the Internets scrutinizing pictures of celebrities, would be able to tell the difference. Maybe they mean unreal in the sense that it’s sufficiently rare enough that you’d never see it, if it wasn’t for the Internets. Which is one of the main qualities I keep in mind when I’m looking for women for my Tumblr.

I was at World Star just now, looking for things I could pretend to be interested in enough to write about (my idea for a shocking exposé on ball tag has already been taken), when I stumbled on an evening news report out of New Jersey about a group of dumbass women who paid some guy two hundred something dollars to pump their asses full of plumbers caulk. Presumably, they wanted asses like these video hoes, they read somewhere (maybe on this site) that there’s an injection for that, but they either didn’t have the money, or the sense to see an actual doctor. Probably both. I’m actually more concerned with their race than their thought process. The fact that went to see a plastic surgeon who operates out of a sleep ‘n fuck would lead me to believe that they’re black, but why would black women need anything extra pumped into their asses. Maybe they were white. I hear New Jersey is known for its lower class white women.

The evening news report says the caulk in the ass didn’t take well (shocker!), but it doesn’t say if that’s because the “surgeon” didn’t use the right kind of silicone, or because there’s no such thing as enhancing a woman’s ass by injecting it with some sort of liquid. Something tells me it’s probably the latter. Plumbers caulk, which says silicone right there on the bottle, probably isn’t altogether different from the substance inside a breast implant, but isn’t the reason why breast implants come in those bags because they used to shoot silicone right into a woman’s tits, but then they’d shrivel up and fall off? (Though I bet they were very nice, before the silicone went bad.) You could put silicone implants into a woman’s ass, like silicone breast implants, but they’d probably explode, just from sitting on them. Plus, you’d probably be able to tell they weren’t real – just like all but the very best breast implants.

Which is not to say that there’s anything wrong with a woman who isn’t 100% natural. I’m just saying. Sometimes it’s important to question science. Otherwise, you could end up with some caulk in your ass.

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