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Pussy TKO

It’s about time the Game took his trolling to the next level.

For years now, he’s been letting us in on more than we needed to know about the girls he’d like to fuck, and the girls he wouldn’t like to fuck, almost as if he was a professional blogger. On his first album, The Documentary, he famously informed us that he’s wanted to fuck Mya ever since she was on the cover of the late, great King magazine, but he wouldn’t have sex with Mariah Carey even if it was in a two-way with Ashanti. Damn.

That line must chap Nick Cannon’s ass every time he hears it (no homo), if he ever listens to The Documentary. On the one hand, he’s got one of the top R&B chicks evar, but he didn’t get her until it was a little bit too late. I’m not gonna lie – I spent some quality time with that video she did for the “Heartbreaker” remix, with Da Brat, as well as that episode of Cribs she did right before she drowned that cat in her hot tub. Remember when she had to change into some lingerie before she could show the world said hot tub? That was the longest commercial break evar. Then she tried to put the cat in the hot tub with her, and the cat went all apeshit. I was like, “Damn, she just tried to drown that cat!” Then a few days later, I’m riding in my car and I hear on the radio that Mariah Carey has had some sort of breakdown, after the death of her cat. She hasn’t been quite the same ever since. The last few pictures I’ve seen of her have been just plain hard to look at, and you guys know I love me some questionable white women.

But I digress.

The Game stepped his, erm, game up to a certain degree on his second album, The Doctor’s Advocate, the only West Coast rap album I’ve liked since forever. There was that song about how video hoes only make enough money to drive a Honda Accord. (Which must be nice.) You could tell he was upset, because he wanted to bang some of these video hoes, and they wouldn’t let him hit it.

The reason we know The Game wanted to bang a video ho is twofold: First of all, The Game has been baiting Jay-Z probably since he was in high school, and I’m sure it occurred to get a famous wife, to compete with Beyonce. He may have even tried to holler at Solange, similar to how Jay took his Nas’ stannery to the next level by banging the little homey’s baby’s mother. Second of all, who wouldn’t want to bang a video ho? I’d slap my own mother to bend one of those cows over, and questionable white women are more to my liking. But of course I’d explain to her, beforehand, that the reason I’m slapping her is because it would afford me the opportunity to have sex with a video ho, not because I’m upset with her. She might even go along with it. She once gave me $40 to go to a strip club. And there’s always the possibility that I might accidentally impregnate the video ho. My mom wants a grandchild anyway – and because she’s a black woman, she’d secretly kinda hate it, if it was half-white, on its mother’s side.

The reason we know The Game has yet to bang one of these video hoes is because there’s no way he could bang a video ho and not mention it in at least one of his songs, if not all of them from here on out. He could try, but it’d be like that episode of Beavis and Butthead where Buzzcut told them they couldn’t laugh during sex ed, or else. Alas, the only time I’ve heard The Game talking about getting it on with a video ho was that time he said he fingerbanged Vida Guerra at a party, and she said he didn’t. I’m assuming he did, just because that sounds like some weird shit to make up, but she didn’t want anyone to know about it, because he’s kind of a nutjob/loser. Damn. It must be tough to be a famous rapper and have a video ho not want the world to know the two of you had sex. I wonder if that’s what led him to write that song in the first place.

Listening to The Game’s new song “Pussy Fight” (did I really just type that?), you can just see him sitting around plotting on how he’s gonna take his antics even one step further. He must have come up with an actual plan, that consisted of two main objectives: 1) Come up with a song in which he says the most foul shit imaginable involving sex with famous women. And obviously he achieved that with “Pussy Fight,” the highlight of which being the line, “I know it’s Reggie Bush, but that used to be Ray J Bush. She used to blow me like birthday kush.” Roffle. You know good and well The Game fed Ray J that line. That’s probably the only reason he was called in to collaborate. It’s not like he can sing. 2) Finally have sex with someone famous. Even if it’s Tila Tequila. Word on the street is that he’s also completed this objective, and it may have even resulted in her being pregnant. Yikes!

How much of a trip would it be, if The Game banged Tila Tequila, just so he could write about it in a song, and he ended up getting her pregnant? That would be almost as bad as what’s happened to Nas. I can’t imagine that The Game would want to have a baby with Tila Tequila, because she hardly possesses any traits you’d want passed down to your offspring, other than good hair, but I could imagine Tila Tequila purposely trying to get pregnant by him. You see what she did to that football player, not to mention what she did to that baby powder heiress’ corpse. I consulted the Google just now, to see if there’s any truth to this, and I see she really is going around saying The Game got her pregnant. Fortunately for him, this bitch has been known to tell a lie.

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