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In semi-defense of Yung Berg

Gulliness means never having to go on the Internets to explain how you didn’t really get robbed by a woman.

Like Yung Berg. He took to the Internets just now to clear up rumors that he got robbed this weekend by four people, two guys and two girls, and that the two guys stood guard while the two girls beat the crap out of him and stole $10,000 in cash and jewelry from from him and the rest of the people at his house, as reported by the legendary Media Take Out, and then TMZ.

First he took to his Twitter account to inform people that they should only believe half of what they see and none of what they hear, even if it’s from TMZ, which is owned by a multinational corporation with lawyers on staff and a direct line to the LAPD. If they got those photos of Rihanna looking like she left a towel in the pool at Joe Jackson’s house, how hard would it be for them to find out if there was a robbery at Yung Berg’s house. The shit is probably a matter of the public record, just like all of the other scoops the MSM snatched right out from under hip-hop journalism.

Then Yung Berg added, also on his Twitter, that the next thing you, people are gonna be suggesting that he’s teh ghey! As if it’s inconceivable that Yung Berg could be a fudge, what with his facial tattoos, and his lithe physique, and that song he did with Ray J… It just goes to show how delusional he is. His handlers might want to take him to see a mental health professional. Getting robbed and beaten up so many times must have fucked with his brain. For all we know, he might be genuinely unaware of the fact that he just got robbed.

If only his handlers really did have his best interests in mind. They’re probably more concerned with whether or not he can come up with another “Hey Sexy Lady,” which is why they’ve got him out here spinning. They realize he’s long past the point where a man could take him seriously, but men don’t buy songs called “Hey Sexy Lady” anyway. They’re trying to protect his image amongst women. It was one thing when he was getting beat up by bad motherfuckers like Maino and Trick Trick, but women don’t like the idea of a man who can’t beat up a woman. On a subconscious level, women like to know that the man they’re with could kick the living shit out of them. It makes the sex that much more exciting. That’s why Asian men stay taking an L in the dating game, if not quite as often as black chicks.

I actually feel sorry for Yung Berg, to the point where I wouldn’t even be making fun of him, if I knew of a better way to put food on my family. He can’t help it if six dreaded n-words kicked in his front door, like Biggie Smalls looking to teach Faith Evans a lesson, and two of them happened to be girls. I’d have to see a picture of the girls before I could say for certain that they could kick the crap out of him even if they didn’t have guns pointed at him. For all we know, Yung Berg could have taken these girls in what fellow short person eskay likes to call a fair one. But the truth of the matter is that they did have guns on him, and if he would have tried to channel his inner Chris Brown, he would have been on the Internets talking about how he doesn’t care about the fact that he got shot, like this clown Wacka Flocka, instead of copping a plea about getting robbed – when his name is practically synonymous with getting robbed.

To think, if Yung Berg spent less money on jewelry and spent it on a house in a better neighborhood, this wouldn’t be an issue. He needs to get one of those apartments like Soulja Boy, where you can’t have more than four black people over at once without the rest of the tenants trying to have you evicted. When I was in high school, I could hardly drive down my own street without 5-0 checking to see if I wasn’t there to steal, and you know what? I kinda liked it. It made me feel safer at night when I went to bed. As far as I’m concerned, the fact that these dreaded n-words keep preying on these rappers is way sadder than whether or not some of them are girls. That’s why black people can’t have shit: we stay trying to steal from our own people. What’s really gully, sticking a gun in some semi-retarded kid’s face and taking his chain, or robbing a real celebrity, where you might run the risk of getting attacked by six Israeli dudes, who’d pull some of that Krav Maga shit on you faster than you could say Roc Raida, and then probably try to harvest your organs, if they’re worth a shit? I’m gonna suggest the latter.

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