I’d Rather Be a Lion, Cheetah than Tiger
This is gonna be a shock to some folk but I have no problem whatsoever with rich men who cheat.
Considering what most men endure to be good husbands they deserve at least a monthly visit to the Asian spa for a HJ/BJ. I actually believe the richer you are the less taboo “cheating” should be. Since a few thousand years ago during the time when humans were hunter-gatherers the man with the most food and the warmest fire, usually had the largest harem. So if Bentley’s, bar tabs, and big brick homes are rewarded with adoration and affection of jump-offs near and far I totally get why rappers, ball players, rich politicians, business men and lame ass, sell out beige golfers all cheat- it comes with the territory. Most wives of rich men know this and most probably wouldn’t have looked at they ass in the first place had they not been rich already or had the potential to be. True story.
Women are better talent scouts than the Yankees Dominican farm team. So when the player they picked gets caught up in unhusband-like conduct they have a disciplinary handbook to refer to. Stripper can be fixed with a ring (and possibly no sex) while severe degrading session can get you off the hook for messing around with a college girl (You gonna throw all this away for a young bitch, Mike?) and after that verbal blitz you’ll get the standard “Didn’t you see what happened to Steve?”
In Tiger’s case it was 13 jump offs and all except two brunettes were merely cheaper, whacker versions of his wife. Married men should know better than to “cheat down.” Meaning, if you’re gonna cheat and get caught, you better get caught with a woman that is on par with (pun intended) or one-ups what you got on the home front (word to Swizzy)! Women have invested a lot of time and training into controlling men and our behavior. They want us to play by the rules of cheating. If you are caught breaking those rules it could lead to yo ass making an absurdly panty waist, cry baby, sucka- ass-sucka apology in the history of bad ass American athletes.
Don’t try to tell me you did it to save your marriage because, well, you married a golfer’s nanny. No disrespect to your lovely wife but I’m talking jobs here. You married another golfer’s nanny… really? Considering that blonde hair and fair skin with blue eyes is the white ideal you never once thought that maybe perhaps the other golfer might have ran a late night session of putt putt… SMH Nah I’mma be quiet, that’s your wife. But considering you delivered her from a life of subtle sexual harassment you’d think she would at least be there to accept her apology in person. I mean you did buy her out of her indentured servitude. It’s the least she could do.
You are a Stanford grad and the world’s greatest golfer ever. You were Bruce-fucking-Lee on the golf course (no racism). You were a focused, fit, and fighting tiger. Your spirit imposed itself on the world of golf and in one press conference you became a cub.
Maybe if I believed that you believed that flex you showed me I would say Awww fuck it, but you know you bullshitting and you doing it for all the wrong reasons. If you were doing it to keep the wife and two little cubs I would get it totally although would still amaze me considering SHE WAS A NANNY! If you were not a billionaire I would think Oh he’s doing it for the endorsements. We both know they will be back at some point though because you ARE the PGA, you ARE the TV ads, so every company would be back or new ones would come. So if that public display of “I sho’ is sorry boss” was not for Elin, Sam and Charlie, who was it for?
A husband that cared would’ve paid whatever to keep all them hoes hush. It was not for the kids that watch on TV and it was not for Buick or Nike.
Who was it for? It was for the boys in the club, the same suckas that cheated with you I’m sure; the same suckas that threw you under the bus and sided with the wife and his ex-nanny! Bro’s before hoes man bros before hoes! You did that bullshit to be liked again at ESPN and Golf Channel to be seen as good and clean by people who envy you. They envy your golf skills, your magnetism your blackness and you cowered and fake cried and tried to beg your way back into their graces. Well Tiger I hope it works out for you man. Kobe understands people hate him so he dominates his rivals he embraces his inner villain. I suggest you learn that role.The jig us up. That press conference told us you are pussy and I’d rather you just stayed a lion and a cheetah at least that way I’d know I was dealing with a man. -It’s Bigga!
Shouts out to El Tico Loco! I saw him in the club, smoked that rapper chronic with him until he fainted but before he faded out he said “Blog about Tiger.” So hear you go homie!