How Baby and Slim got into the oil business

You know what would be a trip? If Bronald Oil & Gas, Baby and Slim from Cash Money’s new oil venture, really was successful.

What if the two of them leapfrogged the likes of Jay-Z and Oprah Winfrey to become the richest black people in America? Imagine the message it would send to today’s youth, if the two black people with the most money were a guy with a buncha weird tattoos on his head, and a guy who’s almost certainly caught a few bodies, just based on his facial expression.

Don’t think it can’t happen. Oprah has a shedload of money, but it’s not really that much money in the grand scheme of things. Chris Rock once famously pointed out that if Bill Gates woke up with Oprah Winfrey’s money, he’d jump out of a window – and he was probably right. The list of the richest people in America still consists primarily of white people you’ve never heard of, and none of them made their billions from going on TV, having conversations with child molesters and shit. A few years ago, I spent 15 minutes or so checking out a list of the richest black people in the world, in the world’s most accurate encyclopedia, and as I recall, Oprah was way down on the list. The people at the top were all from Africa and the Middle East, and they probably all made their money from oil, or conflict diamonds or some shit.

Which of course begs the question: Oprah makes like $300 million a year. Why doesn’t she just buy her way into the oil business and make even more money? If the guys from Cash Money could do it, certainly she could. I’m sure they’ve made a mint off Lil Wayne these past few years, but it probably pales in comparison to what she made.

It’s probably not that easy. The thing is, why would the TIs and the A-rabs who run the oil business allow anyone else to buy into it? There’s a (kinda) finite amount of oil in the world, and they’ve been had control of it. And it’s not like they need the money. If they were ever to run out, or reach a point where they could use a little bit more than they already have (i.e. most of the money in the world), they could just jack up the price, like they did in 2008. There’s only a tiny handful of people who control the world’s oil supply, and they’re all in league with one another. It’s like a conspiracy theory, except that there isn’t anything secret about it. It’s just that there’s not a whole lot that can be done about it, because there’s a lot of Arabs in the oil business, and you can’t deal with Arabs the same way you deal with regular people. Its like trying to deal with irate black women in a retail environment. Best case scenario, you don’t have to get the cops involved.

There must be shenanigans involved in Bronald Oil & Gas. We’ve seen this before, where people from the hip-hop community achieve a certain level of success and all of a sudden all these doors open for them, and it’s probably not because the TIs respect their business acumen. Take for example Jay-Z being allowed to purchase a percentage of the New Jersey Nets. Then come to find out he was probably being used as a black front for a gentrification scheme in Brooklyn. I’ve written a number of posts about Russell Simmons’ involvement with conflict diamonds. Rush ran PR interference for the diamond industry, when that movie Blood Diamond came out. In exchange, they cut him in on the conflict diamond business, with the Orwellian titled Diamond Empowerment Fund. A lot of the money from the sale of conflict diamonds goes to settlement building in the Occupied Territories, and Russell Simmons does antisemitism PSAs. Coincidence? Then there was 50 Cent, who was given $400 million from Coca Cola, supposedly for endorsing Vitamin Water, when I didn’t even see a Vitamin Water commercial with 50 Cent until after it was purchased by Coca Cola. Then next thing you know, there was talk of 50 Cent getting into the diamond mining business. It’s almost as if Vitamin Water was a scheme to funnel enough money into 50 Cent’s coffers for him to make a significant investment in the diamond business. Has anyone ever actually seen anyone buying Vitamin Water in the store? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more people buying Pimp Juice, though I’m sure that’s due in part to the fact that I used to hang out at a gas station and drink $.99 tall boys of MGD.

Of course Baby and Slim didn’t need a suspicious come-up, other than the one they already had with Lil Wayne. He’s pretty much the only artist left who sells albums as if people still buy CDs, and he’s too high to have any idea how much wealth he’s generating. If he’s even aware that Baby and Slim are taking that Carter III money and using it to start an oil company, he obviously lacks the sense to demand his rightful share in it. If anything, that shit should be called Weezy F. Baby Oil & Gas – which would be especially amusing, because of how gay it sounds. They just better hope he doesn’t get sober enough in the joint to realize. As far as the actual purpose of Bronald Oil & Gas, it’s hard to say, without having been exposed to any secret documents or anything. Baby and Slim probably don’t even know themselves. But if I had to guess, I’d say it has to do with helping the TIs justify the fact that they’re stealing the oil right out from under New Orleans. I remember reading, back during Hurricane Katrina, how New Orleans never would have gotten nearly as fucked the fuck up as it was, not if the TIs gave the people there a tiny fraction of the oil business out of the kindness of their hearts or anything silly like that, but if they just paid their fare share of taxes and what have you, but they colluded with the government to make it so that the people there didn’t get shit from the oil business, because it’s considered offshore and hence isn’t covered by the same laws. Damn.

Maybe Baby and Slim could use their newfound influence to explain to their TI overlords how unfair this is, and they could work together to come up with a more equitable solution. Ha!

  • Phillmatic

    Post of the year.

    By the way, I’ve always wondered; does the F in Weezy F. Baby stand for ‘fucks’?

    • http://j-mace.deviantart.com Shawty J

      The “F” stands for FEMA, he explained this on Tha Carter II

      “They got the shivers, man I got the fever
      I got to bring the hood back after Katrina
      Weezy F. Baby, now the F is for FEMA”
      - from “Feel Me”

      • these posts are racist

        that’s not true. He’s been using the “F” for a while…he often says the “F” stands for…whatever in random raps but that’s not the official meaning.

        I don’t know where it originates from. Anyone?

        • Detroit P

          Weezy Fuckin Baby

          He was callin himself Weezy Baby…then he started sayin Weezy Fuckin baby(but not like what u think)…its like when people wanna add emphasis to their last names when they say their full name…like.. I’m Anthony Fuckin Anderson…or my name is Johnathan Taylor Fuckin Thomas bitch!…like a dontchu know who I am type of thing…Thats why he was saying Weezy F. Baby, please say the Baby….he reps Baby hard

        • these posts are racist

          Thanks homey. What’s good in Detroit man?

  • DVS

    “Take for example Jay-Z being allowed to purchase a percentage of the New Jersey Nets. Then come to find out he was probably being used as a black front for a gentrification scheme in Brooklyn”…

    Co-sign people ain’t up on that shit…Oprah won’t buy in b/c she knows it’s a grimey game and she ain’t a grimey nigga, she actually cared when those kids were getting abuse in the orphanage she started in africa…Baby,Slim,or Jay probably would’ve said pain builds character or some shit like that.

  • DevilintheFlesh

    I believe the business that they bought into was just an oil exploration business which isn’t to say that they are in cahoots with Arabs at all. Most of the people from where I live are filthy rich because they all buy into exploration businesses together. They do take a loss sometimes when they come to find out that they well they drill is dry.

  • E-MothaGr8

    “If anything, that shit should be called Weezy F. Baby Oil & Gas – which would be especially amusing, because of how gay it sounds.”

    Ab-so-lootly Hilarious!!

  • http://www.mikestreezy.com Mike Streezy

    Wow! Didn’t even hear anything about this prior to the blog. It does make you wonder what plan for profiting was in place. I’ve got a buddy that works for an oil company in Texas and he finds new oil. Apparently it’s not as limited as one would think. I wonder what they know that we don’t. I hope they do well with it though. That would be a good look for entrepreneurs expanding their portfolio from hip hop!

  • Worley

    “Imagine the message it would send to today’s youth, if the two black people with the most money were a guy with a buncha weird tattoos on his head, and a guy who’s almost certainly caught a few bodies, just based on his facial expression.”

    Classic. House n*ggas would have done all that buck dancing for nothing and even fewer black folks would go to college.

    And there is definitely something creepy about Slim.

    • eesco

      *co-sign* on the slim remark. that dude always gave me the vibe of a cat that dont give a flying f**k about nothing. I mean when u get 2 b that ghoulishly gruesome your morals officially go out the window.

      man that nigg look like a black ass herman munster.

      • DV8

        I think you mean Lurch the door man (not the people eater)

  • Broke Iz A Disease

    “$.99 tall boys of MGD”

    Word

  • these posts are racist

    “A lot of the money from the sale of conflict diamonds goes to settlement building in the Occupied Territories”.

    I think this needs further expansion: Israel, funded by America, controls the lives of millions of Muslim and Christian Palestinians yet denies them equal rights under the law because they are not Jewish. It makes them drive on separate roads, gives them different color license plates and takes their land without any due process. It then brings jews from around the world and builds them houses or “settlements” and lets them live on land owned and recognized as Palestinian land…

    With respect to “A-rabs owning all the oil”…let’s be clear. There are only a handful of Arabs in the Gulf with any money…and they are allowed to run around their Kingdoms because they defer to the US and Britain. The majority of arabs in the middle east live in poverty.

    • 3rd eye clear

      “The majority of arabs in the middle east live in poverty”.
      @TPAR you ain’t lied..but you can’t tell them that!! Some of the most ignorant and arrogant groups of people I have ever crossed paths with were poor arabs in arab countries!!

  • sealsaa

    “Israel, funded by America, controls the lives of millions of Muslim and Christian Palestinians yet denies them equal rights under the law because they are not Jewish. It makes them drive on separate roads, gives them different color license plates and takes their land without any due process. It then brings jews from around the world and builds them houses or “settlements” and lets them live on land owned and recognized as Palestinian land…”

    Sounds like they learned a couple of tricks from the Holocaust.

    “and a guy who’s almost certainly caught a few bodies, just based on his facial expression.”

    *DEAD*

    • these posts are racist

      What’s good fam…i’m not in the business of comparing human tragedies – the Nazi Holacaust was horrible, period. What’s happening to the Palestinians is horrible, period.

  • hate

    good post. very coherent.
    hopefully someone under the age of 25 reads this and actually absorbs it.

  • sealsaa

    @ TPAR

    Not throwing salt or anything(or joking, for that matter), just noting the eerie similarities.

    Different color(distinguishing) license plates>Star of David arm bands

    Unlawful acquisition of land>forced immigration to ghettos.

    • these posts are racist

      Got it…And the fact that those oppressing the Palestinians often use the Holocaust as justification for their crimes against humanity.

      How u been homey? …i haven’t been on here in a minute. Miss the XXL crew.

  • sealsaa

    Chill’n.

  • Brooklyn

    i don’t think that this venture is gonna succeed, 1st because white folks ain’t buying no oil from american born niggas, especially “a guy with a buncha weird tattoos on his head, and a guy who’s almost certainly caught a few bodies, just based on his facial expression…” 2nd, niggas ain’t buying oil from them either, except those niggas that believe in buying black. 3rd, the powers that be (america, britian, the eu, saudi arabia) ain’t gonna allow no niggas to interlope in their monopoly of the oil industry. besides, these niggas call themselves rappers and can barely rap, what the fuck do they know about the oil business?

    • sb

      they should of kept their mouths shut, never put out that they were starting this venture and had someone else to be the figurehead of the company…

  • droopey

    Bol watched the nino brown story part 2.

    That was the only useful information in the whole hour and a half.

    I was actually surprised he actually owns an oil rig.

  • http://twitter.com/michaelbjordan Michael J. Focks

    Standing ovation.

  • http://www.justice.gov.za Chiliz

    I c u have stepped up ur pen game up!

  • caino

    Bol been on form the whole of 2010!!

    another classic! Shit oil is gonna run out soon enough! Just wait untill China makes a deal with Iran, so Iran supplies them with oil, and wait for America to crawl and beg forgivness to Iran! its gonna happen and you hear it hear first!! America’s grip on the world is slippin!

    • these posts are racist

      Caino,

      This is not true. America is the only superpower that matters and it will remain this way for all of our lifetime. China, Russia and any other country you think has any juice knows its limits. There is no “deal” any relatively strong country (China) can make with another small/weak country (Iran) that would impact the US.

      We can literally shut down China tomorrow if we stopped letting our citizens (the world’s largest consumers) purchase Chinas goods….impose some tariffs and the Chinese are done. Also, how many US dollars does China own? Look it up…There’s a reason they invest their money in the US: a) the US dollar is all that matters in the world; and b) the US citizens use that money to buy Chinese goods. China would crumble without this system.

      • Lloyd Sprayweather

        TPAR, how does the fact that we are in billions of dollars of debt to china fit into it all?

        • these posts are racist

          What up fam, i responded but it didn’t post. Essentially: the US owing money to China is irrelevant. What can China do about it? Let’s say it wakes up tomorrow and demands its money from the US and the US says “go screw yourself”. What can China do? It needs the US market to survive! It has no power to do anything! China has no power to do anything to the US.

          Another example is Saudi Arabia. The Saudis have trillions of dollars invested in the US and tied up in US banks. In theory it can pull this money out any time it wants, correct? But can it? In practice, what fungible power does it have with respect to this money? The US would simply not allow them to do so! Are they going to send their army to demand their money?

        • Lloyd Sprayweather

          Preciate that perspective. Makes sense to me.

        • these posts are racist

          My pleasure homey.

  • giantetepp

    “and a guy who’s almost certainly caught a few bodies, just based on his facial expression.”

    Dead on Bol. Slim doesn’t say much at all, but when I look at the dude, nothing about him says that he was a pussy. In fact, he at least looks like a “real” nigga, and I doubt that you grind and rise to the top of the N-O w/out having droped a few along the way….im just saying!

  • Sincere

    @TPAR are u serious? I understand patriotism but u can’t possibly believe that. Do u not know about the billions of dollars we are indebted to China? Have u ever heard of the Euro? I’m pretty sure it’s valued more in the world than the dollar considering the latter is still on the decline. Just saying…

    • these posts are racist

      Sincere,

      Did you actually read my comments or simply skim through it? What effect does debt to China have on the US? What can China do to the US as a result of any debt it is owed?

      I won’t even comment about the US Dollar because you obviously have no clue and are just talking nonsense…do some googling and get back to me.

  • AG

    GREAT POST! You should start your own news opinion piece site, or contribute to one.

  • Brooklyn

    i think that it’s safe to say that the united states and china have an interdependent relationship upon each other. if china were to decide that they weren’t gonna sell shit to the u.s. anymore, it wouldn’t ruin them. they’d lose money, but it wouldn’t equal financial ruin, they can sell to the europeans, the canadians, other asian peoples, etc. 1st, the u.s. would never embargo china, because the u.s. wouldn’t be able to find goods as cheap as the ones made in china. look on the labels of your clothes, look at your children’s toys, your electronics, 85% of them were made in china. 2nd, in the event that the u.s. does embargo china, it’ll just have to look elsewhere for cheap goods and china’ll have to sell their shit elsewhere. i don’t predict china being shut down because america won’t buy their shit, there’s 5 billion and some million other people in the world that china can market to. and for the record, don’t sleep on china. they don’t flex like the u.s., but don’t think that they lack power because of it. when the u.s. empire falls, china, japan, and india are gonna take over. we’d never win a war against china, they outnumber us like 1,000 to 1; they could raise an army the size of the u.s. population. we couldn’t even invade china during the korean war, and china was split in two then.

    • these posts are racist

      I stand by my position re: China’s economy and other than a general opinion you don’t offer a rebuttal.

      Re: them raising an army. You really think it’s about numbers? The U.S.’s military capabilities can wipe out China in 30 minutes. Yes, the US cannot “invade” or “occupy” China, but China would never in a million years mess with the US on some military ish…that would mean national suicide for them. The US is not “falling” in our lifetime and there isn’t a country on earth, indeed ALL the countries on earth couldn’t band together and pose a threat to the US’s military…you have no clue son.

  • http://www.myspace.con/doinalright ROX ONE

    “Has anyone ever actually seen anyone buying Vitamin Water in the store?”

    the tranquillo is awesome.

  • Brooklyn

    it wasn’t meant as a rebuttal, it was simply an opinion. china wouldn’t fuck with the u.s. on some military shit, but on the flip side the u.s. wouldn’t fuck with china either. the u.s. is like that big nigga in school that always fucked with the little kids, but when a nigga roughly his own size came around he wouldn’t do shit. the u.s fucks with nations that it knows won’t be able to defeat them. why invade iraq because you “suspect” they have weapons, when north korea fires them shits into the air like firecrackers and the u.s. just vainly protests? didn’t they hold some american’s hostage a while back? and no war ensued, the u.s. has occupied nations for less, north korea got a pass. and north korea is, and has been since 1950, supported by communist china. the u.s. ain’t fucking with china, japan, india, or north korea, point blank. the romans also thought that no one on earth could could pose a threat to their military, and they were conquered by rag-tag germanic and middle eastern barbarians. the spanish felt the same way until england and france wrecked their shit. the british knew niggas couldn’t touch their navy and then germany destroyed that shit in ww1. no one’s untouchable, even the toughest motherfucker got someone out there than can beat their ass.

  • caino

    Co-sign that ^^^^^^

    USA would never mess with China on a military side, or India, or North Korea or Iran!! It just wouldnt happen, Yeah america has a good military but best in the world?? l doubt it !! l would say UK forces are far superior soilders from the SAS the SBS to normal infantry could kick americas ass, yeah america has more technology, but when those computers fuck up , they are poor!! or even the Israel those Mossad are crazy mutha’s

  • macdatruest

    Fight the U.S.????? I can tell you how the U.S. would lose that war, China who is the manufacturing center of the entire free world, would just stop dong business with us. We would have to do some bully shit and threaten them to deal with us or else but why should they when the U.S. is dealing arms to Taiwan to arm them against China on some backstabbing type shit???

    If I was China I would HOPE the U.S. gets cocky and does a trade embargo so they can fuck up their own economy. Wal-Mart is China’s 8th biggest trading partner they trade roughly the same amount as a country. Wal-Mart IS a Chinese company ALL their products come from China. (the google)

    Most American Brands are made in Chinese sweat shops. Wall Street Corporations would revolt against Obama black ass in a sec in he imposed a trade embargo and fucked up their cheap labor markets. China, man them lil muthafuckas can fuck up our infrastructure, while preserving their Super-Huge Military for better use. They can make the government collapse on its own citizens through halting manufacturing or banking and be home in time for eggrolls.

    Would China need to fight us if Wal-Marts all across the nation shut down???? Without China using our money to curb some of the deficit we incurred from bailing out OUR financial institutions the U.S. Dollar would collapse. Americans using our own money we print cheapens the value like a muthafucka if those dollars aint in circulation globally we fucked. It would be the equivalent of us printing money and handing it outin the USA. But the dollar losing its value more and more and China can basically just stop holding our hand and look that way

  • valdez

    great drop, bol and also some great comments.

  • 3rd eye clear

    When that Army, Navy, Airforce and Marines come together..that shitis like VOLTRON..No military on the planet can come close!!