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Why Jay-Z is announcing his illuminati ties

Jay-Z must not mind people thinking he’s in the illuminati, if he’s releasing videos full of illuminati symbolism.

I bring this up, because I checked Twitter the other day, to see if any celebrities had died yet in 2010, other than Shawty Redd’s weed carrier (RIP), and I saw Talib Kweli, aka the Henny Sipper, throwing a bitchfit about people saying Jay-Z is a member and/or pawn of the illuminati.

It seemed like some random shit to just get upset about all of a sudden during a holiday weekend, but it just goes to show how disconnected from the streets I get when I’m not on the Internets. Pretty much anything could have happened in the last week or so, and I’d be none the wiser. I hope no good new pr0n surfaced. Well, I hope some did, but I hope it didn’t surface on the Internets and then disappear into the vast sea free and easily accessible Internets pr0n, where I might not find it until two years from now and then wonder, How come I wasn’t up on this two years ago?

I hope I’m not letting you in on more than you need to know about my thought process when I’m away from a computer. I’d hate for things to get all way, if I run into one of my female readers in public, not because I care about their feelings but because lord knows my game, so to speak, is hindered enough as it is.

But I digress.

Come to find out, there’s a new Jay-Z video that hit the Internets on New Year’s Day – probably the umpteenth clip now released from the Blueprint 3. (Remember when they’d release 3+ videos – real videos, not that Rik Cordero bullshit – from any ol’ album?) I seem to recall seeing it mentioned somewhere that the clip for “On to the Next One” premiered during the telecast of one of these New Year’s Eve celebrations, like the one where they keep wheeling out the stroke-addled Dick Clark, but don’t start me to lying. I’ve only seen a little bit of one of those in the last 20 years or so, and that was by accident. The other day, I turned on my TV, which had been set to CNN, and I caught a bit of their broadcast with Andersoon Cooper and Kathy Griffin. I’d gotten too drunk too early to go out, but I wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep. I must not have done anything during the day. (Shocker!) Anyway, the reason I interrupted what started out as a (somewhat) promising post to bring this up is because I didn’t realize that Anderson Cooper is essentially an out homosexual now. The 30 seconds or so I caught of CNN’s New Year’s coverage was some of the gayest shit I’ve ever seen. They had Lance Bass reporting in as a correspondent from Las Vegas, and he had all of these teh ghey guys, in their underwear, at best. He asked one of them how he was enjoying his New Year’s Eve, and the guy grabbed the mic and said something to the effect of, “Y’all need to send Anderson Cooper out here, so I can fuck him in his ass.” No bullshit. I’m like… 98% certain I’m not just imagining this because I drank so much alcohol that if I described it here, people would be more concerned than impressed.

Similarly, I didn’t bother watching the video for “On to the Next One,” when I saw it posted the other day on one of these blogs where they slavishly copy and paste the contents of their inboxes, because I thought it might be gay. (See what I just did there?) If it isn’t clear to me that they at least had the decency to pay a woman to strip down to an indecent amount of clothes/nothing at all, I’m not clicking on any rap videos in 2010. As a matter of fact, consider that my new year’s resolution. (As Cam’ron would say, fuck losing weight.) As such, I had no way of knowing, when I saw Talib Kweli all butthurt over allegations of Jay-Z’s illuminati ties, that Jay’s new video looks like some shit right out of an Alex Jones movie. It’s not one of these things like the clip for “Run This Town,” in which Jay, Kanye and Rihanna are dressed in all black, in front of some apocalyptic imagery, as if the Bilderberg Group had enacted its plan to reduce the world’s population from about 7 billion to a more “manageable” 500,000,000, but that could have just been some weird shit one of Kanye’s designer friends came up with. Or the sweet Jesus backhand in “Empire State of Mind,” where what Jay really meant by that is up for debate on the Internets. If only he’d go ahead and admit that that was his way of announcing that he’s an atheist, just like the president. No, someone had to have purposely inserted all of this illuminati symbolism in “On to the Next One.”

Which begs the question: Why? Why would Jay-Z load his video down with all of this illuminati shit, when he knows the Internets are going nuts with people suggesting he takes part in freemason blood sacrifice and what have you? (You know Jay-Z stay on the Internets.) The only thing I can think is that this must be part of the plan. He’s trying to announce that he’s down with the shapeshifters, as a sort of jedi mind trick, so people will stop whispering about it. He hopes people will take the fact that he’s announcing his membership in the illuminati as proof that the illuminati is meaningless/not particularly harmful. Otherwise, why would he own up to that shit? The other day, I was watching an episode of Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura, and Alex Jones was breaking down how the illuminati likes to keep their shit out in the open. For example, the Bilderberg Group announces when and where they plan to meet, if not what exactly they plan to discuss. But members are on the record as saying that the world’s population could stand to be reduced by six and a half billion or so. It’s even carved into a miniature fake Stonehenge somewhere down in Georgia, probably not far from that hilarious 2Pac statue. You’d think they’d want to keep some shit like that to themselves, but they probably figure people will hear it and think, Well, obviously there’s no way they’re planning to kill the vast majority of the world’s population. That doesn’t even sound like something that could happen. All of these weird diseases and vaccines you keep hearing about I’m sure are entirely unrelated.

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