Royce Da Rocketeer

Happy New Year, everyone. It looks like we’ve got more of the same on the naggerdom front in 2010. Perhaps the naggerdry is getting progressively worse. I think WSHH has already shown us seven signs of the apocalypse this week. But, I’m just the weird “old” man who shakes his fist at everything.

So, Ray Ray Benzino continues to volley foolery with Slaughterhouse members in his [hip-hop] weekly pleas for attention. I will say it’s been fun watching Benzino discover how hard it is to promote himself without abusing the world’s most popular rap magazine for ad space and 12-mic ratings. But, we know attention is all the man wants when he makes outlandish statements with The Great Spear in one hand and a glamor pistol in the other, as Royce Da 5’9 so eloquently put it.

Unfortunately, instead of stepping over Benzino whilst exiting Popeye’s like every other rap fan does, Royce Nickel Nine chooses to up the niggerishness ante. Worse still, he attempts UStream humor beforehand. Mind you, as clever as Royce’s raps are, I expected to laugh at least once. I’m not going to count the Martin Lawrence character facial expressions. I laughed at those, but they weren’t intentional. You know you done fucked up when you and your ventriloquism dummy can’t get any of the Rhodes Scholars at WSHH to laugh once. I’ve seen those stoop monkeys find comedic value in vehicular homicide footage.

[Blogger's Note: You saw us laying down our launchers as raw as crawfish. Snicker. Snicker.]

Needless to say, Royce’s failed Comic View routine only provides an example of how surrounding yourself with yes men can fail you miserably.

I don’t know if rocket launchers are legal in Michigan. I’m going to assume they are because Royce is on camera with one. He can’t be outwardly stupid enough to giftwrap a felony for the authorities like that, right? Naggers no longer surprise me with their foolery. It’s to the point where I can’t tell a coon from a Sambo anymore. I do know that it is absolutely ridiculous for even the hardest of criminals—which Royce must be, as he is a rapper after all—to possess a rocket launcher. Benzino is annoying as all fuck, but there’s no need to waste all that secret military facility training you’ve been doing between independent releases on another musician. Save that for the mission, dammit.

Oh, you didn’t know that Royce Da 5’9 is a sleeper cell? Royce was supposed to help that Nigerian nigga take down the plane the other day. Homeland Security thought Prince Akeem or whoever was trying to detonate a bomb and shit. Nigga was calling Royce to complete the surface-to-air attack they’d been planning for two years. Fortunately for us infidels, he missed the call because he was making video blogs and shit.

Royce was supposed to be maintaining that No Fly Zone.

[Blogger’s Note: I tend to go over the fence myself.]

What’s next for Itchy & Scratchy? Do we take rap weblog beef from pistols to rocket launchers to Patriot missiles? Maybe next time Benzino will turn his MacBook Pro toward the camers to reveal an ominous countdown. Much like Shawty Raw fumbling his possum-hunting rifle and transparent banana clips, these musical entertainers have no idea what they are doing with these toys they flash for the camera like children on Christmas.

Speaking of children, there are plenty watching. I mean, not all rap fans are niglets, but impressionable chillens are the ones most likely to be paying attention to the WWF bullshit. All these rapsters need now is Ol’ Dirty Bastard doing Slim Jim commercials between WMD brandishing sessions.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Odds that Royce Da 5’9 will blow up his own living room one day?

See how this silly shit works? Now Royce has to be Benzino’s guardian angel. If anything blows up around Benzino, the authorities have NiggerTube footage of Royce getting goofy with a rocket launcher in the throes of a rapster beef. That’s some national security shit. The federales were following Biggie & Tupac, remember?

I guess Royce could always play nice, then ice Benzino after the heat dies down. That would open the door for Royce tattooing Benzino’s name on his own arm like a dead homie. The strategy may help Royce confuse the prosecutor. I don’t remember where I heard that plan before, but it sounded pretty smart at the time.

Recommended for You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

  • Parksmcfly

    First [nullus]. Rocket launcher ?!? I haven’t this so called footage Royce must be on some Hollywood props gig. I dunno what ron, bol and some of these cats are on though maybe u should try something because you are tripping balls. No homo.

  • DoubleO

    Royce obviously isn’t taking Ben-mean-o too seriously – the rocket launcher pops up at the end of the footage, and the lil song he’s singing as he swings around about having a rocket launcher vs Ben’s lil pistol kinda reminded me of the foolery one would associate with programs like Sponge Bob Squarepants. But I agree with Ron, there was too much giggling and *quick looks and nods for approval from one another* for my liking.

  • Pierzy

    It bothers me that anyone pays to attention to Benzino. He’s that child throwing a fit in the store that just wants attention…or a Fisher Price microphone so he can sing duets with Dave Mays.

  • dronkmunk

    Slaughterhouse is corny, always has been.

  • bollocks

    HAHAHAHA “Royce was supposed to be maintaining that No Fly Zone.”

    too bad the closest he can come is maintaining that No Buy Zone. Broke muh’fukka…somebody give both of these dudes a hug.

  • that nigga

    Yuh wan’ tess di rocket launcha?!

    HAHAHAAHAHA!!!! The article title alone is a killer.

  • beaver

    “Fortunately for us infidels, he missed the call because he was making video blogs and shit.”

    “What’s next for Itchy & Scratchy?”
    hahahaah funny haha..

    hahaha..y u trippin..royce was just messin around..
    dat video was funny…

    “U Dont Have Rocket launcher” haha..royce is funny haha..

    but at da end of da day..
    royce still puts out good musikk..
    let him fuck around..
    benzino is a attention whore..he finds a way 4 attention..
    nuff said.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    That rocket launcher line was Biggie’s right??

  • Will E. Will

    lol Benzino been fell off and he just tryin to be topic of conversation. Who knows why he goin at slaughterhouse? Maybe he feels some type of way since he had a group, but them niggas flopped.

    The gun shit is hilarious cus they just “dry snitchin” on themselves. WSHH is known for being the “police network site” lmaoo i figured Royce would’ve been smarter than that though. He looks like he must’ve just been high as shit. Anyway thats my 2 cents. Word to Eli Porter lol

    “I’m the best mayne”

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine


    You forgot to mention the SK Nickel had with the butterfly clip!

    Them dudes were on one believe that…I was surprised to see him bring out the toys, made Zino’s extended clip gat look like a t-square.

    But was Benzino lying when he called them weirdos?

    And I am damn sure surprised Chatterbox Budden hasn’t said a word…

  • Tony Grands

    Royce be drinking a lot, & rap niggas love them some ‘Call of Duty,” so this is the outcome.

    He should ignore Ray Ray, because we all learned in Junior High that high-yellow dudes have a major napoleon complex.

    • DV8


      so true

  • LongWinded

    This is not the way to welcome in the new year on a new label for your crew. Em will not approve. If Royce was juiced up then it is time for an intervention of sorts so this type of stupid shit doesn’t happen. He’s suppose to be the OG of the group. OG’s don’t get down like that, especially on uStream.

  • silentmurder

    damn. it’s nice to see Royce exercising his 2nd amendment rights (like any normal American should) but was all that really necessary? like everyone else said, he’s pretty much dry snitching on himself and every other cat that lives in the D. but damn… that grenade launcher and rocket launcher was sexy!

    and fuck Benzino’s old haggard ass

  • yeah man

    One day, shit, maybe even today, that youth Royce is going to look at that video and feel like a clown. I always rated Royce and he’s definitely nice on the mic but he just UNproved his ‘gangsta’. To paraphrase a term that’s corny to begin with. Somebody said Slaughterhouse is corny; somebody is right. Joel Oritz need to save himself before its too late. This is what happens when you create an industry around nerds that doesn’t let nerds be nerds.

  • Brooklyn

    them niggas were fucked the fuck up, that was clear. but the fact that dude stooped low enough to actually reply to benzino is beyond me. if benzino was ever relevant, it damn sure hasn’t been anytime in the recent past, that nigga is played out like a jheri curl. royce just played himself.

  • YoungDyce

    Leave it to a Detroit nigga to have a motherfuckin rocket launcher

  • Master CHeef

    lol at “itchy and sratchy”

    don’t even know what to say bout royce da nine nickel. this is obviously a pissin contest. it’s not like he was really gonna blow shit up

    and damn, laughing at “martin lawrence facial expressions”, too.

    and co-sign everyone that said benzino is an irrelevant, worthless, pecker-sucker. dude’s just mad cause royce and shady are cool again. I think slaughterhouse is already signed to shady, they just waiting to announce that shit.

  • Apollo Moses

    I agree going back and forth giving attention to Benzino is a fail itself…Benzi basically blackmailed his way rap z-list status…I remember when Lisa Raye said if he didn’t appear to have a lil change she wouldn’t have given him the time of day…yeah I know…as for Royce I figured that was a clever dude until he showed he was ready to star in Mission Simpossible…dude with that detonated his drawls would’ve caught an L regardless if Royce was on the team, everybody know thugs can’t hit a target on one shot…oh ATF is on that prop gun.

  • CL

    “Now you could choose ta sit in front of your computa/Posin’ with guns Shootin YouTube up”

  • giantstepp

    “I don’t know if rocket launchers are legal in Michigan. I’m going to assume they are because Royce is on camera with one. He can’t be outwardly stupid enough to giftwrap a felony for the authorities like that, right? Naggers no longer surprise me with their foolery. It’s to the point where I can’t tell a coon from a Sambo anymore.”

    Deep shit Mex!!! Excellent drop and happy New Year.

  • latino heat

    am i the only one that was reminded of that scene from Don’t Be A Menace where Marlon Wayans had that missile launcher in the back of his truck? do… we… have… a… problem… hmmm?

  • Technique


    I was thinking that same thing!

    “U.S.S.R.? Go nigga go”

  • http://?h ^

    Guaranteed Rakeback is the way to lift up your Cash flow wth Poker online.