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Just my thoughts on Diddy’s son’s birthday party

I wasn’t there, but I saw some pictures of it on Necole Bitchie.

With all due respect, past and present, and without further… to do:

1) Are we sure that’s not Al B Sure’s son?

I know Diddy has one son who actually is Al B Sure’s son, because Diddy’s baby’s mother is also Al B Sure’s baby’s mother. (Coincidence?) I read somewhere that Diddy considers Al B Sure’s son his own son. Which must be weird for Al B Sure. It’s bad enough that that “Night and Day” probably ran out back in the early ’90s, which I’m sure is why his son has opted to live with Diddy. But to have Diddy go around calling the boy his son? Al B Sure could have the last laugh though, if it turns out Diddy’s real son isn’t really his. If you notice, Diddy has one son that looks just like him (and hence is probably shadier than a mofo), but the other one – the one that just turned 16 – is mad light skinted. He’s even got a Hawaiian Silky.

2) Justin couldn’t find a real date?

Think about it: We all had some broad we wanted to bang when we were 16. And if you’re like me, you definitely didn’t, and you’re gonna spend the rest of your life sitting around wondering what it would have been like. If I were Diddy’s son, I would have invited this girl to my ridonkulously expensive 16th birthday party. Shit, I would have put together a list of the 10 girls I’d most like to bang and invited all 10 of them, just in case the one didn’t work out. Or who knows, maybe you could bang all 10 of them. Not all women are materialist whores, but Diddy’s son can afford to play the averages. If Diddy’s son has a girlfriend, I’m sure she’s none too pleased with him kicking it with Nicki Minaj. If he doesn’t, this is one hell of a missed opportunity. Which leads me to suspect either one of two things: 1) Justin does have a girlfriend, but she’s white, and hence had to be left at home, for PR purposes, or 2) Justin is suspect. Here’s hoping it’s the former rather than the latter.

3) I’m sure the children of Haiti would like a Maybach.

Public relations expert that he is, Diddy must have predicted that people would be pissed at him for giving his son a Maybach, which costs more than I’ll make my entire life, for his 16th birthday. The same weekend when other celebrities were going on TV trying to raise money for the poor people of Haiti. You know how many Haitians you could feed for $360,000? 180,000. So what did he do? He also gave his son $10,000, which the son then donated to Haiti, hopefully not through Wyclef Jean’s charity. Damn. But I’m actually less concerned with the fact that Diddy considers his son 36x more important than the island nation of Haiti than the fact that he donated by way of his son’s birthday present, thus killing two birds with one stone. Technically, I’ve donated $30 more dollars than he is.

4) Does that Maybach count against his child support?

Diddy might want have to his lawyer look at whether whether that $370,000, plus whatever else that party cost him, should be taken into consideration, when it comes to his child support payments. At the very least, this should be the end of Justin’s mother trying to take him to court for more money. I know she hit him up recently, when she found out that she was getting less money than the one who used to be a model. (Which is only right, as far as I’m concerned.) But he might even want to see about having that car count against any future payments Justin would have received from him. Diddy has been an exec in the music biz for something like 20 years now, so you know the thought has crossed his mind – especially with the prospect of having to cop similar presents for his umpteen other kids.

5) Kids these days aren’t into G-Dep, are they?

Speaking of coming up with creative ways to deal with financial obligations, I’m assuming that’s why G-Dep was invited to perform. He must have tried to hit Diddy up for some money, and Diddy told him he’d pay him to perform at his son’s birthday party. I can’t imagine it’s because Justin just had to hear “Special Delivery.” Diddy could have just given G-Dep the $600 or whatever out of his pocket, and avoided having to explain to his son who G-Dep is and why he’d be performing at his birthday party, but he didn’t want to establish a pattern of him just giving G-Dep money. The Ghetto Dependent famously smoked up the half a million dollar advance he received to sign with Bad Boy, to the point where, a few years later, he got stuck on Rikers Island for a month, on some ol’ bullshit, because he couldn’t come up with the $750 bail. This was probably his best payday in a while. If you sell crack in the Harlem area, this is not the Monday to take off.

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