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Don’t Tweet and Drive

What can we say about Bow Wow that hasn’t already been said about Lil’ Romeo?

“Face numb im whippin the lambo,” he wrote. “Tispy as fuck.” Adding, “Im fucked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris [Brown] might have to drive after next spot.”


Well, fuck. I guess there’s that.

I’m kind of amazed at the notion of Bow Wow, Chris Brown and Akon drunk driving around Florida for New Year’s Eve. Not only does the scenario sound like the opener of a terrible joke, but two of the three enna-tainers have recent legal trouble.

Put a pin in that one, we’ll come back to it.

As if drunk driving weren’t bad enough, Twitter self-etherization takes on a new form in Prince Bow snitching on himself while the crime is still in progress. What the fuck was going on there? Was he drunk driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on his Blackberry? Maybe this nigga thought people would give a shit about him if he were dead, like it would be tragic or something. I know we tend to dramatize artists’ impact when they transcend, but ironically enough, I think niggas would turn Bow Wow’s fiery death into a comedic trending topic. #BowWowWentOutLike

If niggas found out Bow Wow died doing that dumb shit, I think their only concern would be if he took anyone else with him. Otherwise, it would be a completely green-lit clownfest. I can’t exactly say it wouldn’t be deserved either. In fact, Bow Wow would be reviled the middle school world over for taking Brown with him. No matter what Brown does, that generation of self-hating attention-seeking baby bitches we’ve created will defend him. Bow Wow would be lucky to be even the Ritchie Valens to Brown’s Buddy Holly.

[Blogger's Note: Some of you readers look just like him. But I don't care about that.]

Don’t think we didn’t notice that “face numb” shit either. “Face numb” is some serious Juelz Santana & Lil’ Wayne cuckoo for coke-o puffs shit. Good work, Bow Wow. He must have been geetered up pretty good to be driving and tweeting at same time. Aspiring rapsters, take note. This is can be your life for fuckin with that Like Mike.

Clearly this ho-ass nigga wasn’t too fucked up to namedrop. The last thing Chris Brown needs right now–aside from being dead, of course–is to be confirmed as having knowingly rolled with a drunken and coked-out driver. Way to pull the mechanical dummy into it, Nino. Ain’t Brown on probation and shit? The fuck is he doing riding around with a cocaine kingpin like Nino as if he were fuckin Duh Duh Duh Man?

[Blogger's Note: The b-b-b...]

Speaking of which, none of this Bow Wow bashing is to absolve Brown and Akon of responsibility in this situation. They both knew Bow Wow was twisted. Look at him. He’s like 78 pounds in a monsoon. Nigga probably gets ripped off of half a Calvin’s Cooler. You’re equally responsible for the Ras Kass action that ensues if you get into a vehicle he’s operating. Let alone if you’re pouring the lines onto the dashboard for him.

Here’s where a dumb-ass nigga pops in to remind me that coke wakes you up, making you a better drunk driver.

With all that said, I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest to find out Bow Wow was completely sober and wrote that because he thought it would make him sound cool. Kinda like calling himself Nino Brown and molesting the New Jack City motif.

Under normal rapper circumstances I might throw something in there about how Bow Wow’s having a negative influence on the kids or whatever. But, in this case, influence may be working the other way around if anything. This nigga acts like he hasn’t aged a day from Lil’ Bow Wow. Maybe I’m onto something there. He’s still pretty much the same size, right?

Cash Money is in serious trouble. Cash Money’s supposed to be an army. They lookin’ more like Coast Guard on leave in a college town. What the fuck is going on over there? Is there not a professional with a clue on the entire roster? I would say the obvious answer being Drake, but he signed with these foolhardy negroes and then put out the mixtape everyone already had as an official release at the height of his influence [pron: manufactured buzz]. Needless to say, the jury’s still out on him too.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Want some fresh azimiz on your falafel?

Consequence & Diddy’s Coon Picnic are on deck for tomorrow. That’ll probably be the title too, unless I think of something better between now

Oh, yea. One day someone is going to live-tweet a murder.

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