2010 DN Tournament – The Sweet 16
You’ve done it again, people. We’ve got another tie! We were a mere few votes away from a third tie. It’s amazing how polarized we can be on these issues. Both Katt Williams and Rod Blagojevich will advance to face Million Dollar Max B this go-’round.
In the meantime, here are your complete Round 2 results.
#1 Lil’ Boosie (79.6%) def. #8 R. Kelly (20.4%)
#12 OJ Da Juiceman (70.6%) def. #13 Ron Artest (29.4%)
#6 WSHH Content (56.9%) def. #3 Delonte West
#7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys (70.6%) def. #2 Chris Brown (29.4%)
#1 Gilbert Arenas (85.0%) def. #8 Marshawn Lynch (15.0%)
#4 Gerald M. Saluti (61.1%) def. #5 Charles Hamilton (38.9%)
#3 Max B (57.1) def. #6 Bow Wow (42.9%)
#2 Katt Williams tied. #7 Rod Blagojevich
#1 Tiger Woods (74.6) def. #9 Barbara Norton (25.4%)
#12 Sexy Spec (64.7) def. #13 Michael Steele (35.3%)
#3 Gucci Mane (68.4%) def. #6 Frankie Lons (31.6%)
#2 Plaxico Burress (62.6%) def. #7 Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em (37.4%)
#1 Lil’ Wayne (58.8%) def. #9 Chopper (41.2%)
#4 DMX (50.9%) def. #12 Joe Jackson (49.1%)
#3 BET Programming (56.8%) def. #6 Stephon Marbury (43.2%)
#2 Buju Banton (42.0%) def. #10 Kanye West (36.0%) and #15 Rick Ross (22.0%)
#1 Lil’ Boose vs. #12 OJ Da Juiceman
Jewmane has had a longer lasting affect on the Negro Please/RMC readers than expected. Long-lasting effect is one way to describe that Bad Azz fan appeal. When Boosie’s done getting his dick sucked by well wishers he’ll likely look up at the scoreboard to find a laughable result in this contest. I’m not going to underestimate OJ Da Blawgmane’s ignorance. If it we can have ‘laskalanna, OJ Da Juiceman can have another day in the sun. I just won’t be betting on it.
#6 WSHH Content vs. #7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys
I think it’s time to get out t-shirts for the Eat Dat Boyz. This is more than a Cinderella situation we have here. Chris Brown just got manhandled. Creighton just burned Duke’s barn to the tune of 71-29. Coaches get fired for blowouts like that on both ends. Philosophically, considering that WSHH broke this video story, who’s dumber? I Eat Da Pussy is textbook WSHH Content. Can you really promote one and eliminate the other? #7’s magical run depends on your interpretation. I see them in the Elite H8. I wouldn’t be shocked to see them bring it to Boosie. I really don’t think your brackets are all that safe with T-Rex’s ashy feet stomping around the DN Tournament.
#1 Gilbert Arenas vs. #4 Gerald M. Saluti
Saluti’s in the Sweet 16, as deserved. Too bad he’s gotta go home now and get some rest to work that hot dog cart tomorrow. Arenas’ expected season-long suspension only punctuates the Agent Zero DN resume. Saluti will probably be Arenas’ first challenge. That’s to say Michael Rappaport, Esq may be the first to break 15% of the vote. Perhaps Arenas should have been a #0 seed instead of a #1. The boy is most definitely special.
#2 Katt Wiliams vs. #3 Max B vs. #7 Rod Blagojevich
Lightning has struck the 2010 DN Tournament twice. Now Biggavel has to fight off two niggas at once. I’ll bet shillings to suzies this is no novel concept for a nigga who has already spent several years in prison. Bow Wow was no easy victory. Blagojevich has already proven himself as a certifiable DN. Williams is a hot fucking mess, but he’s already drawn with Blago. I can’t call this one for shit. I guess Williams hasn’t been convicted of murder… yet. Though, there will probably be a SOHH headline this week suggesting as much. Needless to say, I consider this matchup of the round.
#1 Tiger Woods vs. #12 Sexy Spec
I can’t believe the Pretty Ricky pirouette machine has made it this far. Are niggas voting for all of PR at once? Is this one for “I’mma put a peeil in the booty–” as well? No matter. The man who has put a peeil in a booty at every Florida wing bar has come to put an end to this shit. Thpectacular, you’ve had a good run. Give Ms. Davis her porch chair back and go pick up your new lead singer from Subway.
#2 Plaxico Burress vs. #3 Gucci Mane
I may have jumped the gun with that whole “matchup of the round” thing earlier. Dammit. Did I say “jump the gun?” No pun intended. Fuck. I shouldn’t have said “round” either. Burress faces another icon of ignorance and fellow inmate in Gucci. Were they in the same booty house, Gucci would have to put some cigarettes and snack cakes on Burress’ head for what he did to Soulja Boy. Meanwhile, Gucci punched Frankie Lons in the side of the head like she was a heckler in the front row of his In-Community Center Performance. That’s WSHH-speak for “he was rapstering at somebody’s community center.”
#1 Lil’ Wayne vs. #4 DMX
Prison is become more common of a theme as the rounds progress. X has spent more time in the box than Tie Domi. Weeziana’s about to get his first taste. To DMX’s credit, he’s never made a Rebirth. However, there’s a dog shit-covered gospel album sitting on a shelf somewhere in Arizona. These may cancel out. Wayne manhandled Chopper, who is a sweet sixteener under better circumstances. X barely made it out of Joe Jackson’s practice facility alive. Literally a handful of votes decided that one. By virtue of opponent difficulty and margin of victory, you’ve gotta like Wayne’s chances to face either Buju Banton or The Negro Channel in the Elite H8.
#2 Buju Banton vs. #3 BET Programming
Buju and BET are a match made in heaven. The nigga would be rich forever if he could have just made it to Frankie’s apartment. He’d have had to clear her kitchen of young hoppers, but shit would have been sweet from the moment she tasted that sweet Bolivian butter. Frankie wouldn’t have even had time to cash the BET check. She’d have signed (“X”) on the back of that shit and done. This is all contingent on the notion that Buju could make it to Atlanta from Miami without having sniffed the whole 5 bricks up himself. I guess there are no guarantees in life.
Questions? Comments? Requests? We’re almost done here, but I’ve still got a few things I’d like to share with you this weekend. Do stay tuned. firstname.lastname@example.org