The Road to Ron Mexico City ends here.
Here are your Sweet 17 results:
#1 Lil’ Boosie (69.2%) def. #12 OJ Da Juiceman (30.8%)
#7 I Eat Da Pussy (63.2%) def. #6 WSHH Content (36.8%)
#1 Gilbert Arenas (72.5%) def. #4 Gerald M. Saluti (27.5%)
#3 Max B (37.6%) def. #2 Katt Williams (32.5%) & #7 Rod Blagojevich (29.9%)
#1 Tiger Woods (60.5%) def. #12 Sexy Spec (39.5%)
#2 Plaxico Burress (53.8%) def. #3 Gucci Mane (46.2%)
#1 Lil’ Wayne (69.5%) def. #4 DMX (30.5%)
#3 BET Programming (67.8%) def. #2 Buju Banton (32.2%)
So, for the last time at XXL… Here’s your current round bracketology!
East Region Championship:
#1 Lil’ Boosie vs. #7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys
I truly believe I Eat Da Pussy can become I Eat Da Boosie this week. The way IEDP has blown through this tournament–including absolutely slaying the remaining World Star representation–I have no reason to believe they can’t beat anyone still standing. This is definitely not another Jewmane the incarcerated Bad Azz has to deal with. These ignorant little niggas are a movement. I don’t mean the kind of movement you hear every rapper say he has as soon as he’s put his first lines into a dusty-ass microphone. This is like… the Civil Rights Movement, but in reverse. You kind of expect Boosie to be where he is. Sure, he hit every possible branch on the way down, but that’s also kind of expected. IEDP came out of nowhere and rocked us all. The extremity and severity has carried them this far. I’m not giving up on Cinderella now. She hasn’t let a 4 year-old eat her pumpkin chariot yet.
South Region Championship:
#1 Gilbert Arenas vs. #3 Max B
Sure, Agent Zero brought guns to work like he actually believed that FBI shit he be talkin’. But it’s not like he’s wrapped up in a hommy, right? Biggavel didn’t just catch a murder charge, he brought the shit down with both feet in bounds. His failure to fire Gerald M. Saluti, Zebrahead is a top-10 DN move of the decade past. Million Dollar Max isn’t leaving about 80 of his nickname sake on the Washington Wizards front office table, though. He’s leaving hundreds of thousands of Dutch Masters unbroken. That’s not to say niggas don’t smoke where Max B is. They just use toilet paper steamrollers. Fuck. Saigon! How did we forget to include him in this shit?
Midwest Region Championship:
#1 Tiger Woods vs. #2 Plaxico Burress
For as dumb as Woods has played his sex life, the man is sleeping in his own hotel bed tonight. Burress, on the other hand goes to bed before Jeopardy. Woods shot himself in the foot. Plax damn near shot his dick off, then shot himself in the face by trading three months on Rikers Island for three joints in the Camp Cornhole. Woods makes me sick. I get sicker by the emerged Rock of Love contestant. This nigga Plaxico ruined his leg, his career and my Giants, god dammit. Fuck this nigga with a sandpaper dick. Hmmm. That’s probably not the best choice of wishes, given where he’ll be for the next couple of DN Tournaments.
West Region Championship:
#1 Lil’ Wayne vs. #3 BET Programming
Weezy F. Baby vs. Frankie F. Baby ‘n nem??? Sheeeeeeeeit. This is the only Elite H8 matchup that made me struggle with my vote. Weeziana lived out all the worst parts of WSHH Content this year. BET Programming may be responsible for a generation of swag surfing sidewalk gibbons and money-worshipping monkeys, who ironically enough will be broke every day of their pathetic high-fructose corn syrup-drenched lives. While Tha Carter 4 may tie fans over until The Best Sperm Donor Alive comes home from a Rikers bullet, a Tupackian pace couldn’t produce enough records to keep people interested for the amount of time homie is facing in Arizona. Combine the legal troubles, a good 60% of Rebirth, the rebirth of Lil’ Wayne, jr. several times over and you have a DN year for the history books.
Questions? Comments? I’ll take your request to RMC. firstname.lastname@example.org
Don’t stray too far. I’ve got something to say later. There’s one more NP before it’s officially a wrap.