2010 DN Tournament – Round 1, South & East Regions [Part One]

Welcome to the 2010 DN Tournament, my fellow haters! Thanks for your nominations. None of this is possible without you. Please take this moment of silence to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

For those of you who missed the Play-In at Ron Mexico City, Diddy has beaten out Game and Lupe Fiasco in a landslide. Mr. Take That has earned his way into the the field of 64, making your official DN Tournament bracket as follows:

I’ve already wasted enough of your precious time. Let’s get into the matchup analysis.

South Region:

#1 Gilbert Arenas vs. #16 Lil’ Mama

Lil’ Mama compared Michael Jackson’s death to that of Jesus. She more notably barged onto Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ set at an awards show. We’ve been knowin’ she’s ’bout a pterodactyl-looking dodo bird of a human being. What else can we say about Arenas that hasn’t been said about Shawty Raw? The nigga has transcended. His 2009 tour-de-magnum force performance might earn him a plaque someday. His gunplay at the workplace “joke” will likely cost him $80 million and some time in the pokey. Washington Bullets, indeed. Shake your head.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#8 Marshawn Lynch vs. #9 Bone Thugs -N- Harmony

Check, please?! Lynch’s laundry list of a rap sheet took a special DN twist this fall. After already catching three years of probation for riding super dirty after the 2009 Pro Bowl, the Buffalo Bills running back is accused of trying to steal $20 from a woman at a TGI Friday’s. I guess he didn’t earn enough this season to cover that 3-for-$12 special. To make matters worse, Lynch’s accuser is the wife of a Buffalo police officer. Meanwhile, Bone Thugs -N- Harmony have no idea how people get HIV or AIDS. They also think Eazy-E got it in a music war and not from going dirty dick all over the planet. Needless to say, the ladies should be thinking twice before boning a Bone. You gonna fuck around and meet Uncle Charles at the crossroads fucking with these niggas.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#4 Gerald M. Saluti vs. #13 Method Man

Instead of focusing his attention on Max B’s (Charly Wingate) case, Saluti wanted to be the DN in the World Star video. He got his wish. Wingate has paid–in every sense of the word–for Saluti’s rapster famewhoring and inability to poke holes what looked like a pretty fucking leaky case. Is this nigga even a lawyer anymore? Method Man’s had his own trouble with the man. “Them people, ha” took Mr. Meth’s vehicle as a down payment on back taxes. When the story broke, the Wu-Tang Clan standout claimed his failure to pay his taxes was merely a result of pothead forgetfulness. You know how smokers get.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#5 Charles Hamilton vs. #12 SOHH Comments

“You punched me doe! I ain’t mean to do dat!” vs. “Ohhhh shit! I would of punched da fuck out of dat bitch dead ass. R.I.P. 50!” We all know Sonic’s idocy fairly well. We also give WSHH a hard time. However, SOHH’s comment section is a new evil. Half the niggas on WSHH are childish pranksters looking for a reaction. Visit SOHH.com and see if you’re not getting World Star-level ignorance from people who are not ashamed to put their names, faces and Facebook profiles on the line. People truly believe the crazy shit flying off of their own keyboards over there! Many suggest we hate in vain–that the widespread ignorance we refer to is exaggerated. Visit SOHH.com. Open a “news” story and look niggerishness between its own actual eyes.

Put a pin in that one. We’ll come back to it.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#3 Max B vs. #14 Shaquille O’Neal

For all the shit Saluti has taken, Max B hired the nigga. The Silver Surfer also failed to leave Saluti on planet Xenon to be swallowed by Galactus when the nigga wanted to be on the new Coke Wave mixtape with Portuguese Idaho instead of concentrating on them books. I’m not even going to touch what Max may have actually done to get himself into this position or the team of cronies who made him appear as impudent and contemptuous as Lil’ Boosie. A series of terrible decisions and a wake of destruction characterizes Max B’s 2009. Shaq Daddy’s must be a fucking daredevil. Not only has The Diesel been throwing the baby arm to Agent Zero’s woman–whom we know packs that illegal steel–but another of his many jumpoffs is now claiming he’s been levying threats on her life. At best, his all-you-can-eat libido has caused great embarrassment. At worst, he might be looking at some charges like jumpoff’s husband and his first-round opponent.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#6 Bow Wow vs. #11 Shakur

Bow Wow threatened to off himself, and very well could have this past New Year’s Eve. The Cash Money Brother has a massive Nino Brown complex, but exhibits the mettle of G-Money at best. Bow Wow is the kind of nigga who would figure out a way to blow his own brains out with an unloaded pistol. It’d be okay, though. He’s paired with an aspiring neurologist. She could whip up some operating room magic and put his shit back together in a heartbeat. I give Shakur a hard time, but she’s actually a woman to be respected. You niggas need to chill. I bet you didn’t even know she’s the first in person in her family to complete a semester at Whorevard University, which she attended on a tittyjiggling scholarship. She obviously up gave all of that booklearnin’ for bigger and better things.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#7 Rod Blagojevich vs. #10 Jayson Williams

The impeached Blago is accused of trying to sell Barack Obama’s vacated U.S. Senate seat, among countless other grimy shit. He and his wife have used the time off “wisely,” becoming stars of stage and reality TV. This nigga must be suuuuuper prepared for his June trial. He’s either a genius and is totally going to get off, or one of the biggest morons of our time. Unfortunately, the tournament will be long over before we get to see Blago’s moment of truth. You must judge him now.  As for the former 15-15 machine, Mousie summed it up best in the Nomination Ceremony. “[Williams'] dedication in his pursuit to spend the rest of his life behind bars has to count for something. He’s willing to die for it.” His tragically hilarious traffic incident is inadmissible, but he kept “the quest” alive in 2009 by mashing up a hotel room fucked up on drugs. Williams’ little rockstar party ended in his having to be tasered by cops and taken in for medical treatment.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

#2 Katt Williams vs. #15 Teddy Riley

Katt Williams refuses to stay out of the news. He even has inadmissible infractions from this young 2010 that may keep him alive for next year’s Dance. Whether the allegations against Williams are true or not, this nigga can’t keep his ass in the house and out of trouble. And, keep it real. Pimp in a Thimble looks like he’s been fucking with that Friday After Next. Teddy Riley took it back to St. Nick projects on his kids with the Guitar Hero controller. Mind you, St. Nick project representatives don’t even bat an eyelash at an asswhoopin like that. We’re jaded as fuck. It was still a ridiculous thing to do, defiantly tweet about, then deny publicly.

[VOTE AT RON MEXICO CITY]

Questions? Comments? Requests? You’ll Get the East analysis later today. ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    I don’t know if a #3 seed can be a sleeper, but keep an eye out for Max B.

    And you know every year that at least one 12 beats a 5 and I predict that OJ Da Juiceman does the same this year.

    I want to have an office pool of this bracket!

  • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

    I so wish Max B wasn’t going against Shaq just yet. I had to vote for Max though. The ramifications of his actions are already known – he’s gone. But with Shaq, it’s still unknown. Arenas didn’t shoot him yet, and I haven’t seen his fiance’s paternity test on Maury yet. It’s an in-progress storyline.

  • El Tico Loco

    I wouldn’t mind seeing Max B vs Katt Williams in a later round mainly because I never seen them in the same place at the same time, get my drift?

  • that nigga

    For all the shit Saluti has taken, Max B hired the nigga. The Silver Surfer also failed to leave Saluti on planet Xenon to be swallowed by Galactus when the nigga wanted to be on the new Coke Wave mixtape with Portuguese Idaho instead of concentrating on them books.
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Just stop, man. Im dead, Ron!!! In tears over here.

  • BEEZIE!

    I see an upset in the 5 vs. 12 matchup… those WSHH commenters aint nothin to play with, in terms of their all-around idioticy (if that’s a word)… ditto for Gayson Williams too, if he was really playing with himself in front of a bunch of dudes in a limo

  • sealsaa

    SOHH comments section pales in comparison to the niggerdom that is the ThisIs50 comments section. I swear, if an original, coherent thought was ever posted in that section, the server might crash.

    • JihaD

      Sorry playa, can’t so-sign that one. At least I KNOW thisis50 is essentially a 50 cent fan site, so I know what to expect when I go there. Mex hit the nail on the head with his comments about SOHH. Its the same 5 or 6 people commenting over and over, congratulating themselves on how much they hate 50 Cent. One guy claims to have a PhD, another claims to be a woman, and one has spent the last 6 months proclaiming how “he ended 50 cents career”… Its nothing but insipid nonsense, because the people there actually BELIEVE what they are saying, which makes it all the incredible.

      JihaD

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        Shout out to BigUp2BK!

        Dude, I don’t even read the articles over there @ SOHH. Straight to the comments.

        When you’re bored, that shit’s better than Suduko.

        • JihaD

          ^^^

          Yea, I wasn’t him any shine in my post, by Tony knew who the fuck he was. Do you remember when he disappeared after everyone started calling him a child molester? That shit was epic!

          Yea man, I have spent a good amount of my time on the internets just laughing at some of the things they posted on SOHH; The articles are just incendiary devices for the posters there– mention 50 Cent, G-Unit, or anything related to them and watch the commenters trip over each trying to pat themselves on the back for “ethering” him…

          JihaD

          -Side Note: Tony, I fucks with your blog heavy. I appreciate the fact that you actually WRITE about music, instead of just posting music or outright stannery like Ashmi (didn’t agree with you on the Lloyd Banks thing, though).

  • http://www.jango.com/music/EmCDL EmCDL

    Damn that Bow Wow vs. Shakur is a hard one…Shakur (even though she fine) is one dumb broad, posting them lame and inexcusible blogs on this here site; girl made no since whatsoever. I know she had to be crying in a corner somewhere after reading all them comments we was leaving her. Get ya blog game up!

    Buuuuuuuuuut, Bow Wow stayed in the headlines last year, and that Twitter post he did is enough to place him over Shakur in my book. So, I think Bow Wow should win, bar none.

  • BEEZIE!

    yeah… I meant SOHH

  • geico lizard

    “You gonna fuck around and meet Uncle Charles at the crossroads fucking with these niggas.”

    ^
    Uncle Charles got owned by death on that porch.

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    Yo Mex –

    Can’t wait to see how this shit unfolds….my early predictions for upsets are:

    - Bone Thugs are clearly more worthy of the title than Lynch. Dude was just hungry, tryin’ to get a lardburger after spending all his monies on hookers and blow, but Bone Thugs can’t grasp one of the most pervasive threats to mankind.

    - SOHH comments are comin’ for Sonic. SOHH is the new WSHH.

    - Teddy Riley has Katt Williams in his cites. Anyone who posts on Twitter about some felonious shit and then tries to deny it days later is straight DDN status. I’m interested to see how Riley’s case pans out, and I think Royce Da Nickel-Nine might want to pay attention, too. Katt Williams stays puffin that Tom Waits (Green Grass) and might fuck with that Alcatraz, but Riley is irrational in a way that reeks of Toad the Magic Mushroom – video game pun intended.

    Can’t wait to read your bits on R. Kelly vs. Bossip, WSHH vs. Joo Mayne, Kanye vs. MTV programming, and Michael Steele vs. Joe Budden.

  • westcoastaggie

    Tiger Woods vs. Chris Brown in the D.N. Finals

    BUT, The I Eat the Pussy boyz, Lil Boosie, Max b. & Ron B will be serious contenders.

  • ladidadida

    where R unofficial datpiff uploads at? You know the 30 different Wayne and Drake Tapes that Come out Daily

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    this just in: “According to the Rising Stars’ record label, the Atlanta rapper Waka Flocka Flame was injured in a shooting earlier today at a Gas Station off of Old National Highway. Waka was approached by two unidentified men and held at gunpoint. Allegedly, the two men asked Flocka to hand over his chain, and after repeatedly refusing to give up his bling the suspects fired a hail of bullets in Waka’s direction striking him twice.

    The two suspects still remain unidentified, and Flocka’s condition remains unconfirmed at this time. We will update this post as more information around the senseless act of violence becomes public.”

    ^^automatic 2010 tourney nominee

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    *second time trying to post this, fuck that shit this is breaking news*

    Wack Ass Flocka dude has been shot twice @ a gas station on Old National Hwy. two dudes approach the man & tell him to give up the chain… Wacka repeatedly refuses to comply & he gets shot twice.

    LMAO!!! & SMH @ the same time… glad he’s still alive, though.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $ykotic/Don McCaine

    @ SAT

    Word? Wow…

    Ain’t SOHH that the site with the H1N1?

    Mexx you know them pics help the votes…that Arenas one is funny…”Run that foul fool”…

    • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

      I spoke too soon my dude. Wacka’s DEAD. No lie, I just heard it on the radio.

      • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

        Correction: my homeboy said he heard that shit on the radio. & I just google him & I see some reports that he NOT dead…? Idk @ this point.

  • Brooklyn

    my predictions:

    quick draw arenas beats lil mama. i think the bitch is ignent, but at least she wasn’t ignent enough to bring guns up into her workplace (wherever that goblin looking ho works)

    bone thugs. marshawn lynch did some real nigga shit, but claiming that easy’s hiv/aids infection was a conspiracy takes it to a whole ‘nother level. them niggas are stupid for that.

    meth. all the shit that gerald saluti did, at least the motherfucker paid his taxes.

    sohh comments. charlie hamilton’s idiocy doesn’t compare to the gems of ignorance that are the sohh comments. and the sad thing is that these niggas don’t be acting, they’re really that coonish.

    max b. shaq fucked up this year, but max b fucked up more. co-sign el tico loco, would love to see him and katt battle, they can call that the battle for s-curl supremacy.

    bow wow. shakur is what she is, a video ho. and at the end of the day, y’all niggas know you can’t take what a video ho says seriously. the closest that bitch been to a college was getting drunk on budweiser and getting gang banged at a frat party. bow wow’s bitchery is enough to ensure him a win, who announces their suicide on twitter?

    jayson williams. blago is an ass, but jayson williams has been trying to ether himself ever since he stopped playing in the nba. i think he’s been begging for this for years.

    katt williams. yeah, teddy riley od’d on the discipline, but katt williams od’d on that first sunday and committed a string of niggerish acts that can’t go unnoticed.

  • oskamadison

    I TOLD y’all already, the athletes run this DN shit. By the way, WHERE IS STEPHON “VASELINE” MARBURY??!!!!!

  • oskamadison

    Sorry, got beside myself, OK:

    Ill Gil all the way. Ms. lip gloss (or anyone else not named Eldrick) ain’t got a chance. And I got Meth, Shaq, Bow Wow, Katt “Pimp on the breadline” Williams and Governor Grimy (Jayson’s efforts must be applauded but this dude here…not only tryin’ to sell Barry O’s seat but the “and what” stance afterward? Priceless.)