Terrorist, or failed mixtape rapper?

When 5-0 killed that bum CD peddler in Times Square the other day, they found in his wallet a cryptic message scribbled on the back of the business card of an arms dealer from Virginia. Or at least that’s what they told the New York Times. The message (and I’m paraphrasing, for time): “I just got done watching the Last Dragon. I’ll be damned if I end up in a paddy wagon.” Roflcopter.

’90s babies might need to consult IMDB to find out what the Last Dragon is. The New York Times at least got that part right. But they made it sound as if the message itself was some sort of symbolic statement. Like maybe this guy was a jihadist, and his goal was to commit suicide by police, or whatever it’s called, and then the cops would find that card in his wallet and the line about the Last Dragon would be printed in the paper, as a signal to his fellow jihadists.

Some Scotty Templeton figure at the Times must have seen that the business card came from Virginia and started thinking with that where there’s smoke there’s fire logic. Didn’t some guys from Virginia recently get busted for trying to join al Qaeda via the Internets, as if it was a Facebook group (People Who Can’t Stand Freedom!!!)? Or was that Georgia? I know the terrorist who shot up Fort Hood was in communication with a terrorist based out of Fort Hood. Wasn’t he also from Virginia? Hmm…

I couldn’t help but be reminded of when the DC sniper started leaving notes, and he’d end each one with “our word is our bond.” Or at least that’s how the Wilford Brimley-looking sheriff pronounced it on MSNBC. Then the dumbass anchors would discuss what it might mean, when it was obviously just the ’90s-era rap slang. Had it even been revealed at that point that the DC sniper was black? If not, that should have been the dead giveaway. That and the fact that he was taking weekends off.

If only Raymond Martinez had a black man’s work ethic. It sounds like he was a real hustler. As discussed in a post on my own site the other day, he was running a scam that involved asking people their name, writing their name on a CD, and then intimidating them into buying the CD. The tallest hispanic person I’ve ever seen was like 5’10″, which makes me wonder just how intimidating this guy really was. I mean, if that guy from Heltah Skeltah who was a pimp pulled some shit like that on me, not only would I buy the CD, but I’d probably sign over the deed to my house in a shanty town. It needs a lot of improvements anyway. But if it was Raymond Martinez, he’d pretty much have to show me that machine gun he carried. And how long could he have gotten away with pointing a machine gun at people in Times Square?

Whereas it sounds like he’d been pulling this CD shit for a while. He almost certainly made more money this year than I did, even though I’ve got an extra two weeks or so. Times Square is full of sorry-looking people asking you if you like comedy (which I actually don’t), but the NYPD felt it necessary to crack down on this guy in particular. And a video of him just surfaced on MTV, back in ’08, competing against Kanye West in a trivia contest. Which would suggest to me that he was in Times Square back then, and MTV needed a black guy for this trivia show, so they sent one of their interns down to get him. Someone at the New York Post turned up MTV’s own video of this show the other day. I went to watch it just now, but MTV had it removed from their site. I guess they don’t want that studio where they used to tape TRL associated with machine gun toting hispanic mixtape bums. Probably a smart business move on their part.

If there was any question as to whether Raymond Martinez was just an especially desperate mixtape bum, this trivia show, as described in the Post, should put it to rest. Martinez actually beat Kanye West, but only on some ol’ bullshit. Martinez failed to answer fairly obvious questions about “Children’s Story” and Tribe’s “I Left My Wallet in El Segundo,” while West nailed questions about the relatively obscure Diamond D and Jeru the Damaja – thus proving that Kanye West really does know better, he just won’t do better. But Raymond Martinez got him in the end, by naming every rapper who appeared on DJ Khaled’s “We Takin’ Over” when Kanye couldn’t. Is it any wonder this guy had to invent a scam to sell his CDs? Obviously he didn’t know from good rap music.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Byron Crawford

    nigga u gay

  • JAY STONE

    Kwasia 3d3ben na wokyer3

  • sealsaa

    “Had it even been revealed at that point that the DC sniper was black? If not, that should have been the dead giveaway. That and the fact that he was taking weekends off.”

    LOL. Reminds me of the Boondocks christmas episode. “If santa clause was black, you’d get your presents on the 26th instead of the 25th” -Uncle Rukus

    LMAO

    Its a wonder “word is bond” never caught on with CNN, in contrast to Fox’s “Fair and Balanced” slogan. They could’ve pulled it off. I’ve heard Anderson Cooper say “bling”…

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Thats a rap cat for your ass; scribbling rhymes on obscure pieces of paper. He probably wrote that shit with a match.

    When he told both his baby momma’s he’d be famous, I’m sure this wasn’t part of his contingency plan.

    I’ll hand it to him though, that “name” trick was pretty smart. Bol, you should invent a rendition of that to get White girl snatch.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    There is a reason why the military doesn’t use weapons like Tec-9s and Mac-10s…they jam a lot–ask Raymond. He got off 2 shots and his shit jammed into a paperweight. A real jihadist would have had a cut down AK in the sack. Dead reliable with lax maintenance. Act like you know.

    Raymond was a poser.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Bol: Excuse me sister?

    Thick Black Girl: Yes?

    Bol: Can you tap that White Girl for me?

    Skinny White Girl: Hi!

    Bol: So, what’s your name, Snowflake?

    SWG: Tammy!

    Bol: Cool…*pulls out sharpie, scribbles “Tammy” on nullus machine*

    SWG: Oh, my!

    Bol: Here ya go. This is yours now.

    SWG: Umm, okay!

    Bol: *fist bumps himself*

    • BIGNAT

      WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wait that is a spin on a line from dbamtscwydyjith

  • http://www.mikestreezy.com Mike Streezy

    lmfao!!

  • Enlightened

    I refuse to read this. I just scrolled down to say, “you on some dumb shit for real.”

    I’m doing my own little personal boycott of anything people (you the only dumb muthafucka I see do it) write that blatantly disrespects and makes fun of the dead.

    Seriously, enough people know your name now. You can stop that shit anytime now.

  • dat koon nigga

    this cd dude is a real gangsta ass nigga

    hes dead

  • macdatruest

    This post was Crabmeats

  • Brooklyn

    call me fucked up, but i thought that shit was funny as hell when i first heard it. them niggas be mad annoying, trying to make you buy their bullshit ass cd’s, nigga get the fuck up outta here, they one step above panhandlers. you can’t walk through downtown brooklyn, 34th street, or 42nd street without them niggas shoving cd’s in your goddamned face. i can respect the hustle, but when i say i ain’t interested, i ain’t interested, take that shit somewhere else motherfucker. they try that scam shit with them tourists because they come to nyc all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, looking like targets. and most of them niggas ain’t intimidating, but them niggas roll with like 4 other niggas. so, if they write your name on the cd, and you don’t give them shit, them 4 niggas roll up and try and look all threatening, like they finna jump somebody. but dude musta been suicidal, niggas know you don’t pull a brush on nypd and live to tell the tale, let alone a fucking weak ass mac-10.

    and “the last dragon” was my shit! “am i the meanest? sho’nuff! am i the prettiest? sho’nuff! am i the baddest mofo low down around this town? sho’nuff! well who am i? sho’nuff! who am i? sho’nuff!” that movie’s a classic.

    • BIGNAT

      last dragon is my movie to came out the year i was born. sho’nuff was the best i remember i played a kid in horse and i told him if i win you gotta kiss my converse. i was 5 years old and crazy.

  • http://www.myspace.com/grimeyhiphop Stan

    That and the fact that he was taking wknds off.. ——> That was fuckin priceless.. I’m on the train rite now, headed 2 work, kinda booted, n that shit just had me laughin out loud like a fool… That and ppl editin profanity in their comments.. That’s pu$$y…

  • latino heat

    does this dudes trick of writing a name on a cd then forcing you to buy it remind any of you of the character Shawn Wayans played on In Living Color, when he would ask people if they wanted to hear a poem, then when he told the poem he would talk about beating and robbing them until they would just give up their purse or wallet? maybe it was just me but that was the 1st thing that popped in my head reading about this dude.

    which dude from Heltah Skeltah was pimpin, Rock?

  • esco

    I love terrorists and imaginary storys at christmas

  • geico lizard

    “thus proving that Kanye West really does know better, he just won’t do better”

    ^
    You are too hard on Kanyes music Bol but this shit was still funny,damn.

  • that nigga

    Oh shit, they took Bol’s new blog off about the New Your Times.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

      @that nigga

      This post was way more inappropriate than the “NY Times” one. That makes no sense. Kind of has me wondering about XXL’s standards. Bol has done numerous drops about dead dudes, & none get zapped. But, let him state his opinion about the latest “hot” rapper, & them shits don’t make it past 20 comments. Odd, no?

    • DetroitDraper

      Does anyone know where I can find that lost blog?

      MAYN HOL’UP

  • sealsaa

    @ that nigga

    Gucci Mane’s probably going to be on next month’s cover.

  • that nigga

    @ Tony $$’s & Sealsaa: Thats very odd and fucked up at the same time. Joke on dead dudes but dont yap bout Gucci “wack ass” Mane. I even tried to give him a listen but I just cant……just cant. And If this niggas makes the next XXL cover Sealsaa (which after you and Tony just hipped me to whats going on)thats gonna be some ironic shit fo’ yo’ ass. (II)

    Side Note: New York Times (my bad)

  • chillin mayne

    jajajaja, bol u ALWAYS find a way to fit in the fact that ur house is in a shanty town(according to paul rosenberg…who?)…

  • thatniggaisabitch

    awww boohoo someone doesn’t like gucci mane, go cry to a common cd you crybaby ass bitch!