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Oh, so that’s what the P in Pleasure P is for

[Bol note: I'm headed to Memphis for the weekend to eat some barbecue and do some outdoor drinking, so I'm posting this bad boy a little bit early. Enjoy!]

I’d just like to state at the outset that I don’t know for a fact that Pleasure P, formerly of the group Pretty Ricky, is the R&B version of the father from Precious.

I see where P, or the TIs from his label, sicced the junkyard dog on my boo Necole Bitchie. Earlier in the day yesterday, there was a post on her site that contained a letter from someone privy to the situation breaking down the child molestation allegations against Pleasure P. Later in the evening, I went back to that post, to gather information for this post, and I saw that the letter had been removed. Fortunately, I read that shit in its entirety the moment I saw someone talking about it on Black People Twitter – not because I’m interested in reading stories about a 17 year-old (but probably more experienced than I’ll ever be) boy shoving his fingers in a 4 year-old girl’s vagine, but because I enjoy seeing an R&B singer brought low for any reason. I wish he’d just been caught doing something teh ghey, but what are you gonna do? No homo.

At any rate, I should point out that this post is all based on rumors. It could be that, as Pleasure P himself insists, this is all a buncha BS, part of a vicious smear campaign against him. If it is, I hope his Jewish legal representation gets to the bottom of this. I shudder to think what it must be like to be falsely accused of such a thing. To think, Ed Lover, the former host of the weekday version of Yo! MTV Raps, could go on Black People Twitter and say I did something wrong with a kid, and within minutes all of unemployed black America would think it’s true. What if Pleasure P didn’t give a pre-schooler the Shocker, and this whole thing was made up by some jilted jumpoff? It’s not like you can issue a correction via Black People Twitter, as if it was the New York Times. That shit’s as good as fact now. Shit, some black people still believe black people’s right to vote is set to expire at the end of 2007, and the end of 2007 was two years ago. Since then, a black man has been elected president. In fact, I’m surprised the birthers haven’t brought up the fact that black people weren’t technically allowed to vote in 2008. It doesn’t seem any more specious than any of the other theories they’ve come up with.

Like the birther movement, the allegations against Pleasure P are also based on documents that may or may not be true. Supposedly, Pleasure P’s Jewish lawyer’s (probably) homely daughter posted on Twitter documents proving that Pleasure P inserted two in the goo and one in the poo, because Pleasure P never paid her father, and when her father came looking for money, like Morris the wig salesman in Goodfellas, Pleasure P threatened to shove an ice pick in his neck. Or something to that effect. While I did read the letter, I didn’t bother looking at the documents. The letter pretty much broke down what happened, and it’s not like I could tell just from looking at the documents whether they were real or not. You guys know I was pre-med. I can tell you that neither of the kids Pleasure P is accused of touching will be right, but don’t start me to lying about what the actual sex offender registration form looks like. For all I know, it could look like a diploma from the University of Phoenix Online.

I’m assuming the reason Pleasure P didn’t pay up is because he didn’t have the money. If you did some shit like that, and the difference between Ed Lover and unemployed black America finding out and them not finding out was paying your Jewish lawyer, you’d go ahead and cut that check. I wonder if Pleasure P talked to them about putting something on it, or if he just started right in with the threats. Maybe his mom could have taken out a reverse mortgage on her house. The latter seems likely, given what’s on his fingers. Plus, his mom might not have been able to get credit, given the state of the market. Pleasure P’s singing career (he’s a singer, right?) has fallen to shit since he got kicked out of Pretty Ricky, supposedly because they knew what he did to those poor kids, and they kept kicking his ass in the limo on the way to the show. It wasn’t one of those situations like New Edition, where Bobby Brown could make more money by himself than the rest of those clowns combined. Otherwise, this wouldn’t have been an issue. I’m not saying what Pleasure P did should be excused. I’m just saying. A video surfaced of R. Kelly taking a piss on a middle school-aged girl, and he wrote the “Ignition” remix. What has Pleasure P ever done?

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