Nas: Drunk [Driving] By Myself
Don't give me a hard time about the title. It was either that or “Purple (in the Front Seat)”. Though, by the looks of the leaked dashcam footage, we have a “Black Zombie” on our hands. Homie was definitely having trouble keeping balance on one foot. Still, I expect him to walk a straight line blindfolded. I guess that’s because my mind’s been molded. I’ve been taught to love yours and hate mine.
Seriously, though. Look at TMZ. They’re always trying to bring down our black leaders. For anyone who’s lost like the tapes, the TMZ footage is connected to Nas’ DUI from earlier this year that he’s since been cleared of. That’s right. He’s been cleared. As you can see, the nigga is zooted to all fuck, admittedly so. Yet there are no penalties, fines, probation, suspended license, mandatory courses—nothing.
Maybe they felt bad about that child support levy he’s fighting. Fuck, I understand why a nigga like Nas would wanna get high now. He just shouldn’t be driving fucked up. Nor should any of you, children. Stop listening to all them rapsters talking about how fun it is. Listen to Ras Kass if anything. Beecher consequences aside, inmate Austin paints a pretty awful picture of what life could become on “The Evil That Men Do”. Disregard Austin's actual path, though. The nigga catches DUI charges like he didn’t kill somebody back in the day.
[Blogger’s Note: I avoid one-time. Got Lela Rochon calling my genitals "Sunshine".]
Meanwhile, we get to watch Nas slosh around busted before God and Mr. Charlie. Put a pin in the video, though. We’ll come back to it. It’s only a byproduct of the true fuckery anyways. I’ve got a few questions regarding the US Weekly write-up. Like, what kind of nigga gets twitchy and has an accelerated heartbeat from weed alone? I know weed can cause paranoia and all that. I’ve had a chronic-related freakout or two myself in my day. Sounds like somebody was fucking with that Balki Bartokomous blunt.
[Blogger’s Note: It makes you so happy, you could do the dance of joy.]
What kind of weed discolors your tongue? I first thought he was on some ill hallucinogenic or opiate candy—maybe some drank. After pulling back a bit, he probably just got high and had a sour apple jolly rancher or twelve, like we used to do in the park after a session. They also say they smelled "raw" marijuana in the car. That's to say the cops could distinguished that it wasn't some dissipating weed smoke, but a sack of that Perfect Strangers in the car somewhere--and, they didn't find it?!?! Wowsers. They'd have searched you or I booty butt cheeks naked and impounded the car for that shit.
Obviously, Nas is not the only culprit here. If he’s getting a Negro Pleasing for driving fucked up, we need an NP for them Georgia authorities too. Kelis trauma jokes aside, how did they have all this shit on Nas and let him off? Free Boosie. Free Gucci Mane. Free Max B. Free Nas. We want these rappers off the hook until we have to eat the shit they toss, right? No one’s gonna be too pleased when Nasir bin Olu Dara careens into a stroller killing a fresh former "Fetus" on one of these Lost Tapes lost episodes. The police giving him a little more than a slap on the wrist—or, at least treating him the way they treat the rest of us—goes a long way in the overall betterment of society.
Don’t be surprised when this all gets worse for Nas.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Where a nigga gotta go to get that Perfect Strangers, son? firstname.lastname@example.org