I for one welcome our new pink toe overlords

Black men and white women already share a mutual desire to make sweet, passionate love to one another. Now we have rap music to bond over as well.

The number one song in the country right now is by a white female rapper, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t an anomaly but rather the beginning of a trend – the TIs have finally found a way to combine my life’s two main obsessions, and really, this country’s two main obsessions, regardless of whether or not they want to admit: white women and rap music.

For once, the Arts section at the New York Times section was actually right about something. They ran a story, at some point during Kwanzaa, about how this song “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha was blowing the fuck up. I skimmed it, on my iPod, while was out somewhere, probably gorging myself on free alcohol at my parents’ house, and it ended up being one of those things where I had to go back a few days later and make sure it really happened: Did the New York Times just run a trend story about how white lady rap is the proverbial new ska, or did I accidentally drink some absinthe?

In just the time in between when I read the story and when my liver started to dry out (temporarily, at least), “Tik Tok” went from being on the come up to being the number one song in the country, knocking Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ teh ghey show tune “Empire State of Mind” out of the number one spot. In retrospect, I’m surprised the New York Times didn’t go so far as to predict that “Tik Tok” would supplant the Jay-Z song. To think of the hyperbole that could have been wrought from the idea of the most popular song by arguably the most dominant figure in the history of rap music having its ass handed to it by a rap song by a motherfucking white woman. The Times may have been gunshy, after I had to spank them for that story about the producers who crafted the patented Gucci Mane sound, which is of course entirely indistinguishable from say, the Young Jeezy sound, or the sound of any number of other shitty southern rappers. The Eskimos may have 100 different words for snow, but you don’t see a feature about them in the Times world news section, now do you?

To give you an idea of the significance of the feat Ke$ha just pulled, think about this: Jay-Z is the most popular rapper evar. He has more number one albums than the Beatles and Elvis (if not Buhweet) combined. My father, who’s 52, randomly drops Jay-Z quotes in conversation over Christmas dinner. Though come to think of it, my father might be closer in age to Jay-Z than I am. But you catch my drift. The man’s a cultural institution. Jay-Z never had a song of his own top the Billboard Hot 100 until just now. I hadn’t even heard of Ke$ha until a few weeks ago (someone with an understanding of my wheelhouse sent me a link to the video for “Tik Tok,” I didn’t bother to have a look), and now she has a song atop the Billboard Hot 100. They’re basically tied, at least in that regard.

It just goes to show how much easier it is to become that popular, if you look like you’ve sprung from the depth’s of my subconscious and/or my Tumblr. Which is an idea I’ve been aware of for some time now. It first occurred to me when I was in college, when I would have to watch CMT on the reg. It’d be on the huge projection TV in the cafeteria, where I’d be getting my free grub on. I used to hate that shit, until I actually looked up at the screen, then I was obsessed. So many attractive white women. Maybe not dimes, but better-looking than the best-looking women you see on a regular basis out here in the flyover states, especially in rural areas. And I was living in a rural area at the time, so you can imagine my plight as perhaps one of the Internets’ most dedicated appreciators of the female form.

In that sense, it’s hardly any wonder mainstream country music remains as popular as it is (that Taylor Swift album, for example, was the year’s best-selling album, despite the fact that it was released in 2008), when even most people won’t admit to liking it. It’s not like low brow black music, where white writers who should know better go to such great lengths to craft a defense of it. If I had a dollar for every cracka-ass cracka I met – out in the sticks, mind you – who proclaimed to like every genre of music except country, I’d have way more money than I’ll receive to write this post. And yet, CMT seemed to be blaring from every public TV on my college campus, at all times. Somebody bought all of those Taylor Swift CDs, and it probably wasn’t just kids. Let’s face it, people love white women.

Do I like Ke$ha’s song? Of course not. But I don’t like any of the other really popular rap songs either. They might as well be by women I’d like to bang.

  • thoreauly77

    classic post bol.

    but that damn song is so f’ing awful it makes me want to puke.

  • silentmurder

    “Black men and white women already share a mutual desire to make sweet, passionate love to one another. Now we have rap music to bond over as well.”

    I almost fell out of my chair reading that! LOL

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    Ain’t Ke$ha a hoodrat name? And isn’t Tik Tok a crackhead Applebee’s?

    Anyway the funny part is Diddy ad-libbing in the beginning of the video.

    Fergie meet your successor.

  • Mean Greene

    “so you can imagine my plight as perhaps one of the Internets’ most dedicated appreciators of the female form.”

    HIGHlarious.

    I have nothing of real value to add to this conversation other than to say Bol you’ve been pretty spot on lately…good shit.

  • John Cochran

    There is never a good reason to listen to a white woman rapping. Hell, in recent years there’s no reason to listen to a black woman either for that matter.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    First Oprah announces her
    series finale, then Tyra Banks gets fired for being an even less enjoyable, Black version of Ricki Lake, now this…

    Black women are going to be up in arms for the new year. Even more unnatural colors in their already confusing weaves, acrylic nails at record lengths & sharpened like panther claws, tattoos covering entire breasts-including the under boob, I smell a revolution afoot.

    & now, to scour the ‘nets & cringe @ a song I fully believe is going to make my stomach hurt.

    Fifty might really want to do a song with Susan Boyle now, write her some verses or something before Puffy scoops her as the fourth member of ‘Dirty Money’.

    • eesco

      yo diddy gonna have susan in a shiny suit saying “take that take that” “can’t stop, wont stop” “eh eh eh eh ” ala chappelle show.

  • JAY STONE

    That song is trash n fucking annoying

  • http://xxl All Dae

    white woman love white woman…who doesn’t?

  • Marco V.

    **Do I like Ke$ha’s song? Of course not. But I don’t like any of the other really popular rap songs either. They might as well be by women I’d like to bang.**

    Chuuuuch! Foe Real on That Level

  • sealsaa

    “Ain’t Ke$ha a hoodrat name?”

    I thought the same thing when I first heard her name,*In Stewie from Family Guy voice* but it’s fun because she put a dollar sign where the S should be! This shit is terrible, but he’s got a point. Gucci Mane is just as bad(and popular, unfortunately), but I doubt that anyone wants to fuck him.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    …Damn, that pepto bismol hit the spot.

    Ain’t no way in hell a Yugoslavian couple going to name their daughter “Keisha”.

    I can’t totally see how this song is gaining popularity. The “official video” channel on YouTube has over 1 million hits. Just imagine if her boobs were bigger.

    See that video if you haven’t though. Judge for yourself.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

      I meant I CAN see…

  • true that

    Bol is one bitter dude. he just needs that white punani and that fake racism facade will fade away… XD

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    @ Grands

    There’s another youtube with over 4 mil. I didn’t even get into how ol’ girl dresses like she gives off an armpit negligence & lack of vinegar cleansing aroma.

    @ sealsaa

    “but it’s fun because she put a dollar sign where the S should be!”

    *falls on a bed of rusty nails*

    • Mutada/Mullah Atari

      $yk you aint never lied.

      I love to bang the occasional white girl like any other black dude(real white girls…not the ones who “act black” and have been run through by every black man that smiled at her since she was 14)…

      But yea, there is something real stank about this Ke$ha chick. Like you can smell the vagine odor (not the good kind) through the screen. I’ll pass, we need a HOT white bitch if she’s going to be our new “overlord” as Bol so eloquently put it. Good shit Bol

      • $ykotic/Don McCaine

        “not the ones who “act black” and have been run through by every black man that smiled at her since she was 14″

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

        So true, so true…don’t forget the chubby love factor…

  • Brooklyn

    damn, i must be living under a rock, because i’ve never heard of ke$ha or “tik tok.” but nowadays, white people are giving their daughters traditionally “hoodrat” names. i be watching maury and them white girls have aryan looking daughters named nevaeh, chantal, unique, jacquetta, raychelle et. al. i guess the only thing left for us to do is to start giving our daughters traditionally “european” names like jane, anne, mary, amy, elizabeth, and margaret

    • El Tico Loco

      Look at it this way man, names like that on white girls might balance out the playing field in the job market.

      • Brooklyn

        damn, i didn’t even think of that. mad white girls are gonna have their resumes end up in the trash because they happen to have “hoodrat” names.

  • El Tico Loco

    Damn son I was better off not watching that garbage. She’s not even built like a Kesha and I know some white Keshas too.

  • droopey

    White womens shite smells like roses from the heavens!

    That Kesha song is quite popular over the pond in England though.

  • BIGNAT

    i checked out the song guess who is at the start it’s diddy

  • Chilly Willy

    “Black men and white women already share a mutual desire to make sweet, passionate love to one another. Now we have rap music to bond over as well.”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    BOL.IS.ON.CRACK.

    Best opening line evaaar !!!! hahahahaha!!!!!

    “It’s not like low brow black music, where white writers who should know better go to such great lengths to craft a defense of it.”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    You’re tryna push Noz to suicide, ain’t you ?

    Anyhoo, PT Cruisers are sweet. That delicate milky skin makes you wanna do things that ain’t in the manual.

    But chocolate deluxe is on another planet, Bol! You gotta try, man. I’m serious.

    • $ykotic/Don McCaine

      “PT Cruisers are sweet.”

      “PT Cruisers are sweet RENTALS.”

      Rough that sh*t up and drop it off in the parking lot with high mileage on it…just in time for the next man to jump in it(literally).

      • Chilly Willy

        No doubt, $yk ! You definitely finished the thought. PT Cruisers are sweet rentals indeed ! Shiiiiiit, not even rentals, you can even ride them for free most of the time, how’s that for added value ?

  • Master Cheef

    THis white bitch and asher roth would make a cute(annoying) couple. Maybe some PR will have this same revelation as she obscures into irrelevance a` la “i love college” within a few months.

    This bitch is like ashley simpson and spencer pratt’s love child.

  • The Spaniard

    First of all, this bitch isn’t a “rapper” and this song isn’t “rap”.

    Just because your words rhyme doesn’t make it a rap. If that was the case then ALL songs that rhyme during the verse would be consider rap and their creators would, by default, be rappers.

    Get the fuck out of here.

    …oh yeah, this song suck ass.

  • nicholasdelorejo

    I knew this Kesha broad would become popular. Kesha represents the party, drunken, free spirited lifestyle that white youth are facinated with (no offense to Piezy and other fellow white visitors). Plus I know a good deal of white chicks that enjoy listening to Wayne and the like than following that common stereotype of liking Em. Didn’t two white chicks state how they would love to get Gucci Mane in a threesome? White chicks and gays don’t give a fuck about lyrics if the artists ain’t making songs to shake their ass to in the club or in their cars. I’m pretty sure that’s why Young Money sold that many copies last week.

  • that nigga

    My father, who’s 52, randomly drops Jay-Z quotes in conversation over Christmas dinner. Though come to think of it, my father might be closer in age to Jay-Z than I am.
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Wow, some funny shit.

  • sumnsumn

    She was on flo-rida’s song too. And she’s backed by diddy. So at least someone has her thinking she’s hip hop in some regard.

  • Caino

    man, this song has been out for ages in the UK, like most stuff in the charts it sucks ass!

  • Brass Tacks

    Really Bol?, I mean I really think you have a serious issue with the snowbunny population. I can’t judge you, but you might want to seek attention for it… nice post….

  • bk

    First time I heard Ke$ha I thought Uffie had made it onto Clear Channel radio. But not yet (maybe never). This is a trend that’s been bubbling up for a while but it needed the advertising dollars to make it official.

    Check Uffie “Pop the Glock” on youtube and you’ll see what I mean. Hipsters must be mad about this. Ke$ha pulled an Elvis and appropriated their music.

    • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

      HAHAHAHAHA LOLz @ Kesha pulling an Elvis and appropriating hipster music!

  • Capital G

    Did I miss something? That was definitely not hip hop/rap or even close. I feel like I lost IQ points just watching that tornado-bait trailer park bullshit. Goddamn you Bol.

  • iLLie

    @bk, yeah man when i first heard this song on the radio i thought it was an uffie song too, don’t really mind uffie for what it is and she’s hotter than this chick but you’re right this shit’s been around for awhile

  • RUSERIOUS

    Black men and white women already share a mutual desire to make sweet, passionate love to one another. Now we have rap music to bond over as well.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    No we dont and we will never have rap music to bond over. Me for one I have never smashed a snowflake and dont plan on it either there is a line and I think you crossed it with this post. Ol girl look like grade A trailer park trash. I will not be looking her up on you tube or listening to her track just because Diddy co signed her hell who was the last person that Diddy cosigned actually made a mark in the biz???

  • http://thacorner.net prodigynius

    That was horrible..good write up but horrible music

    Thacorner.net-where good hip hop music can be found

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