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Hey jealousy

An end of the decade confession: I’m a little bit jealous of Elliott Wilson.

No, I don’t have a thing for older women (nor do I think that’s possible). No, I don’t wish I had good hair like his. I don’t have any hair on my head anyway, so what difference would it make? Straighter pubes would probably just cause chafing issues. And no, I don’t spend my evenings gorging myself on reasonably priced wine and wondering why it is that people who don’t appear to be particularly talented can be phenomenally successful (at least up until a few years ago), while a brother such as myself is resigned to living in what’s been described as a shanty town.

Well, that last part is true, but it’s beyond the point. I’m actually more concerned with the fact that rappers stay hating on Elliott Wilson. Every time you turn around there’s another rapper talking shit about him. First there was 50 Cent, who explained that a) RapRadar is really owned by both Eminem and Paul Rosenberg, not just the latter; and b) he doesn’t like Elliott Wilson, for whatever reason. (Fiddy might actually have a thing for older women.) Now I see Lupe Fiasco had to jump off in Elliott’s ass, to use a threat Lupe once leveled at yours truly. No fishsticks. Meanwhile, when’s the last time a rapper had anything bad to say about yours truly? Unless you count that douche Donwill from Tanya Morgan. And you shouldn’t, since he’s just not famous enough. This is probably the only time he’s even been mentioned on this site – unless they had an album out when Tara Henley used to work here. Someone should alert his mother, so she can print it off and frame it. Aww dang…

At some point in time or another during my winter solstice bender (i.e. Kwanzaa), Elliott sorta kinda went in on Lupe. It’s hard to say when, since he only pretends to have a point of view in the brief posts he does for his sidebar, which aren’t time-stamped and preserved for posterity in an archive. (Whereas, I talk shit about people in the actual body of my posts, then post pr0n in the sidebar.) If, for example, you wanted to find the one where he went in on MTV for not naming Eminem one of the hottest MCs in the game, or whatever the issue was, you’d have to consult the post on my own site where I went in on him for not bothering to mention the fact that Eminem’s manager (and now we know Em himself) owns the site. And it’s not like anyone’s gonna put forth the time and effort it would take to blockquote everything he says there. I only bothered with that one because of the conflict of interest issue. If I had more ambition, maybe I’d start a separate site where I’d mock each and every one of them. like those people who got banned from Tumblr for reblogging Julia Allison. My bad, if you have no idea what I’m talking about. (FWIW I believe there was a story on it in the New York Times.)

Speaking of people who aren’t good enough for the mail room/hip-hop PNAC over at MTV, I know Lupe Fiasco threw a bitchfit over not being considered one of the hottest MCs in the game, even though he’s hardly released anything in the past two years now, other than that godawful song from the Twilight soundtrack. I couldn’t bring myself to watch that video, even with the prospect of catching a glimpse of my future ex-wife, Kristen Stewart. Even with the sound off, the shit was just depressing. I hate to see a brother go out like that. If that’s what this new album, We Aren’t Losers, or whatever it’s called, is gonna sound like, the mail room at MTV is the least of Lupe’s problems. He’s gonna be catching it from all angles. Maybe his handlers realized that, and that’s why they wouldn’t let him release that mixtape on Christmas. They probably figured, if it was more rock oriented, that would only lead to further embarrassment; if it was more traditionally hip-hop oriented, perhaps they could salvage some of it and release it as the next Lupe album, similar to how they’re trying to cut their losses with Rebirth.

At any rate, suffice to say Lupe isn’t at a high point in his career. And presumably, that’s why Elliott Wilson felt it was safe to describe how much he doesn’t like his music. What, you thought it was just a coincidence that Elliott Wilson only goes off on people seemingly everywhere other than on his blog? Never mind the fact that the ability to take shots at people is pretty much a blog’s defining feature. Otherwise, it’s just a website with regular updates and an archive. Nah, that shit’s obviously by design. After all, this is the same guy who gave the Clipse’ Hell Hath No Fury XXL’s coveted XXL rating, then turned around and said – on the Internets, natch – that it wasn’t shit. Elliott Wilson, has cynical, tactical hating down to an art. And I think that was Lupe’s concern, more so than the fact that Elliott isn’t a fan of his music. No one with the sense god gave geese is a fan of most of Lupe’s shit. But what kind of douche covers an artist’s work in a magazine and on a website, without offering much if anything in the way of meaningful commentary, essentially giving them free publicity, then turns around and tries to talk shit? I’m sure that’s frowned upon in Islam.

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