Dwayne M. Carter, Esq.

Dwayne M. Carter, Esq. That has a pretty swell ring to it. Then again, so does Dr. Carter. But, that’s only a rapster fantasy—not something he’s actually worked toward, right?

Actually, fuck being a lawyer. Dwayne Michael Carter knows there are plenty of other ways to use a law degree to become a powerful man. Ironically enough, he comes to this realization after having ended up on the fucked up side of said law. Young Carter’s also about to be pretty damn powerless for at least a year this coming February.

Lil’ Wayne breaks down his assessment on BET’s Chicken and Biscuits hour, where he panders to an audience before which he is fucking George Washington Carver.

“‘School,’ Wayne said about what he would do without a rap career. ‘I would probably still be in school because I would probably be studying something like law. No [I wouldn't want to be lawyer], but that’s probably what I would be doing. I like to be powerful and that’s probably something I would have done if I wouldn’t had done rapping.’”

-Lil’ Wayne, The Mo’Nique Show (via SOHH)

Right… And Birdman has always wanted to be a neurologist.

[Blogger’s Note: That’s a brain surgeon for those of you who don’t know.]

Granted, Wayne has plenty to be proud of in his musical accomplishments, education aside. But if the little nigga really wanted a law degree, he could have been had lawyering degrees by now like Sha-POW! Instead, he’s been had foolishness like drug binges and raw dog sex with whoever would let the Pussy Monster out of his tiny little cage. He can’t really use his music career as an excuse for not having accomplished this conveniently fashionable goal. While attending classes in-person at University of Houston may not have been realistic, online courses are always an option. If the nigga can approve million dollar deals on his iPhone, he can fucks with University of Phoenix. Them niggas offered me like 6 different MAs last week. Replace some of the fuckery time with that fancy jig booklearnin’ shit. Even at a part-time pace, you’ll be hella close to your educational goals—if not done with them—by age 27, or however old that nigga is.

No. Wayne would rather spend spare time trying to parlay his super gremlin seed into a new Young Money roster before going into the pokey. As his New York incarceration date looms, Wayne still has to face Arizona charges. Luckily, it looks like Mack Maine or some other Young Flunkie will eat the drug and/or gun charges from last night’s Texas detainment. You would think Weezy were one of these sidewalk gibbons who believe jail is good for a nigga’s career.

Maybe Wayne’s comment about law is just some amazingly pertinent diarrhea of the mouth regarding his current situation. Aside from tossed salad prevention, law might be the most useful thing he could be an expert at right about now. It’d damn sure be more helpful than having memorized nothing but strippers’ home addresses, Call of Duty cheats and the active ingredients for every cough medication on the market.

However, if Wayne knew anything about law he’d know better than to live his performing life as if he were permanently headlining the Ridin’ Dirty Tour. This motherfucker will take his drugs and illegal guns across state lines on a tour bus like it’s no thang, no matter how many times you bust his ass for the same moronic shit.

The Mo’Niques of the world idolize Wayne’s intelligence and continue to stroke his balls as he faces the prison he’s created for himself. I find him to be a clever little Ewok myself. But he’s clearly not the one-time learner humans are supposed to be. In fact, he only reminds me of those somewhat functional addicts who keep a job because they know it’s the key to staying geetered up on that 3rd Rock from the Sun.

They’re smart enough to know how to keep that fix coming.

And I’m going to address it before some of the ass-ignorant readers do. Let me guess. “Fuck all that smarty-art, school nigga shit you talkin’ ‘bout, Mexico. My nigga Weezy paid like a mawfucka.” Am I right? Of course I am. I know you negroes better than you know the trap house. I’ll see your lack of self-respect and raise you this: Acquiring money has absolutely no bearing on becoming the person you’d like to be. Put that in your stash house and sleep lightly.

Wayne’s obviously missed a few lessons on how this life and responsibility thing works. Fortunately, he’s finally headed to a quiet little dormitory where there will be plenty of time to study for that LSAT.

Questions? Comments? Requests? The Honorable Judge Ratchet presiding over your television at noon? ron@ronmexicocity.com

Aspiring rapsters, take note. Do not take guns and drugs on a tour bus under any circumstances. I know you think that’s what you’re supposed to do when on a music tour. But, think about it. You’re going to be a bunch of rappers in a ginormous luxury vehicle. You’re going to get pulled over and fucked with. This is inevitable.

Wait until the bus comes to a complete halt in your next road destination before acquiring the Green Acres. Then, make sure you smoke it all up or give the shit away before you hit the road again. I’m serious. The only weed that ever sees the inside of your tour bus should be planted there by a crooked cop.

  • The One

    Negro Please. Stop doing Bol.

    And lay off the south, ITS GETTING OLD NOW.
    Lets get a negro please for Biggies Homo lyrics or better yet his man lil cease doing the homo (no homo) strip show on WSHH.

    • these posts are racist

      Most souther rap sucks…how dare you even bring up Biggies name in any context other than calling him the G.O.A.T.

  • these posts are racist

    Hilarious post. Obama was right, most people will not be lil wayne and so they have to do what the rest of us need to do to attain a high standard of living: work hard, pay attention to detail and be smart with our money and time. Many rappers are delusional. It is not enough that they have a skill and talent that does not really take “hard work” and that they are rewarded greatly for their “efforts”…they want to command the same respect as someone who works tirelessly for years to build and create. Similar to the reasons people use drugs, instant gratification with little effort.

  • userious

    You really think a rapper, no, any type of musician is gonna go on tour without any type of drug readily available to them. Like they only gonna get fucked up on tour stops, get the fuck outta here. I mean I understand ya, some of these rappers be dumb as, well a rapper, but its all how you handle yo drugs. As long as you don’t leave guns and drugs in plain sight and know your rights of illegal search and seizure you should be alright.

  • Will E. Will

    hahaha great drop Mex. too many fuckin lines had me laughin to even retype, the whole thing was funny as shit.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    I just read an article that autism is highly underrated as a disease. Something like 1 in 5 people suffer & have been for years, without treatment. If you take Drake, Nicki, Mack Maine, Birdman, & Wayne all in one place together, who would you put your (young) money on?

    I’d put dough on the nigga who calmly told Katie Couric that not only is he a gangsta, but he’s allergic to reading & writing, & that he sprinkles Laverne & Shirley on his Moesha, then pours that shit into his breakfast cereal. Schoolhouse Rock, notwithstanding.

    For all the music Weezyanimal puts out that I like, he sets Blacks (& martians) back 20 years at least 3 times a year, for @ least the last 5 years. Do the math. Fucking with this nigga, we’ll all be shucking & jiving & bussin’ up the chifaro (again) in no time.

    ‘Whip it like a slave’, indeed.

    • these posts are racist

      That’s hilarious man.

  • Jack Tripper

    What up Mex? I read this last night when you first posted it. No one had left any comments and I was too tired so I said fuck it, I’d be back. Lil Wayne ain’t dumb but he’s constantly getting himself caught up in dumb shit. Dude is hot with the law so he and his handlers should know better than to be riding around with weed on the tour bus. But when you’re mind is fucked up from drugs you tend to not make the best decisions. Watching that lil dude’s life decicions has been like watching a car that’s going real fast approaching a traffic jam on the freeway. Now he’s headed to jail where they’ll place him in pc. It ain’t the end of the world for him but jail is gonna be a reality check for his ass.

  • Enlightened

    The sad part about this post – or rather Lil’ Wayne’s behavior is that the nigga really isn’t (or at least wasn’t) an idiot.

    I don’t know for sure if he’s turned himself into one or not.

    But there’s a lot of evidence out there – including a Juvenile interview when he was dissing him, and the fact that his mom’s made him leave Cash Money because of the subject matter when he was young – that the nigga really was a “school boy.”

    Niggas like him appear to be more idiotic than they are on purpose – to me that’s much sadder than being a real idiot.

  • bk

    “Repetition is the father of learning”
    - Lil Wayne

    I see what he’s up to… Repeated legal troubles = he will be a lawyer (no schoolings).

    Honestly, it is a shame but no surprise. Wayne’s smart and talented but self-destructive.

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    “Am I right? Of course I am. I know you negroes better than you know the trap house. I’ll see your lack of self-respect and raise you this: Acquiring money has absolutely no bearing on becoming the person you’d like to be. Put that in your stash house and sleep lightly.”

    Word life, Mex. There’s a reason they call it “the trap,” folks. And dudes wonder why hood life is (often) a self-perpetuating cycle. Fuck outta here – It sucks to be dealt a shitty hand, I understand that, but you gotta do better for yourself than stacking that dirty money (no Diddy).

  • capcobra

    when you dealing with art and entertainment..it’s a given that drugs are around….but the drama starts because hip hop artists got the drugs AND the guns around…you know that’s a no-go..bad combination..and that’s what makes these kinda cases too easy..i’m assuming everyone else realize this already except for the rappers…and instead of making songs and psa’s about being targeted..they’ll go make another song about some other shit that’s gon get another nigga locked up…again.

  • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

    It’s them damn drugs again. Yeah I remember he did used to be smart a while ago. He has college credits under his belt.

    He went from that to not reading (ala Kanye) at all. I don’t know too many people who can pass the bar with a monkey on their back (of ANY kind). I think that year in prison can be used to sober up and remember who he is and what he’s capable of. Clearly, he’s surrounded by some crab ass motherfuckers who impede his progress. It’s time to clear house and do inventory.

    Been there.

  • Brooklyn

    i heard that at one time wayne was actually really intelligent. i don’t believe that he’s stupid, but he damn sure isn’t stephen hawking, hell, he ain’t even stephen king. that bewitched is some shit, will turn you from a smart and potentially productive citizen to a goddamned idiot. i don’t think he was serious about that lawyer statement, he was just probably fucked up on that i dream of jeannie. i can imagine the catch phrase of his law office, “we’ll beat that case like a cop, rodney king baby, we gone beat it like a cop” and with each case loss you get a free birdman cd.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    “with each case loss you get a free birdman cd”

    ^^Somehow, I think that would actually deter some criminal activity.

    • Brooklyn

      yeah, prison is bad enough without having to listen to birdman the entire sentence. in fact, i think that qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.

  • BIGNAT

    i am dying now this shit is killing me

    “Aside from tossed salad prevention, law might be the most useful thing he could be an expert at right about now. It’d damn sure be more helpful than having memorized nothing but strippers’ home addresses, Call of Duty cheats and the active ingredients for every cough medication on the market”
    “The only weed that ever sees the inside of your tour bus should be planted there by a crooked cop.”