Shakur the video ho is underrated

When it was announced that XXL readers would be allowed to vote for this year’s Video Ho, ahem, Eye Candy of the Year, I was hoping it would be between Rosa Acosta and Shakur.

Between the two of them, they’ve changed the game for video hoes. Never before have video hoes been so light skinted and so jiggly, and yet so thin. If you would have told me, as recently as two years ago, that Esther Baxter would be out of a job by the end of the decade, I wouldn’t have believed you. Isn’t she a good five years younger than I am? But it’s been a while since I’ve seen her in any of these magazines. I think she is still modeling, because I seem to recall seeing her in a video recently over at World Star, but she might not be XXL material at this point. She might need to see about getting a spread in Kay Slay’s Straight Stuntin’ magazine, alongside my boo Ashley Logan. Worst case scenario, there’s always that magazine FEDS puts out, primarily for guys in prison. I’ve never actually seen a copy of this magazine myself, even on the Internets, but from what I understand, there’s basically no aesthetic standard for the women in it. Some of the girls I used to work with at Hardees could probably be featured. Yikes!

My only concern is that XXL might not have gone with both Rosa Acosta and Shakur, because they’re so similar. As far as I’m concerned, they’re both as beautiful and unique as snowflakes. But they do both fit that LSLH mold, as defined by black female gossip bloggers, many of whom could have tried out for the lead role in Precious, if they didn’t already have beds made of money to sleep on. (If they make a male sequel to Precious, obviously I’d be taking a sabbatical from this site. I’ve got the fried chicken-eating part down.) I figured XXL might go with one of the aforementioned two and one of these dark skinted black chicks who are built like a brick shithouse. Bria Myles or somebody. She’s still in “modeling,” right? I stumbled upon a few pictures of her on a Tumblr called Fuck Yeah Thick Bitches, and I’m not gonna lie – I’d throw a paper bag on that and ride it into town.

So I checked XXL the other day, and I saw where they’d posted the poll where you can vote on the video ho of the year, and come to find out it’s between Rosa Acosta and Tammy Torres. The fuck? Tammy Torres looks like Rosa Acosta with a more mediocre face and a more mediocre body. I wouldn’t kick her out of my bed for crackers, but I’m at a loss for how XXL could go for two LSLH broads and not have the second one be Shakur. Are they trying to reach out to this country’s growing hispanic population? I’ve never even heard of Tammy Torres, and I spend a significant amount of my free time researching models on the Internets. Granted, girls qualified to appear in rap videos isn’t my area of expertise, but still. The text accompanying the poll says she was in videos for Fabolous’ “Everything, Everyday, Everywhere” and Birdman’s “Money to Blow,” and I’ve never even heard of those videos. Shakur, meanwhile, was in the best video of all time. Of all time!

The only thing I can think is that there must be some truth to the claim that Shakur was banging a guy named Carl Chery, who used to work for this site. The TIs must have found out and had her blacklisted. You know XXL has been having some problems with people pretending to hold casting calls for Eye Candy, to trick women into having sex with them – an idea I put forth in the very last column I wrote for the print version of XXL. (Coincidence?)  A few weeks ago, after I posted a picture of Shakur I found at Sandra Rose on my own site, I received an email from a guy who claimed he once dated Shakur, but then she went and got her nose, her cans and her ass molded into legendary form, and she left him for a guy named Charles from XXL. I wasn’t aware of anyone at XXL named Charles, but I did know a Carl. I suggested that it might be him, and the guy was like, “Yeah, that’s right, his name was Carl.” Which admittedly sounds rather suspicious, but then the guy emailed me a picture of her in his car at the airport, right after she had her nose done. I checked it using a site called Tineye, which I sometime use in my pr0n research, and it’s definitely not something he just found in Google.

  • Anton Chigurh

    Good post, funny. But Tammy Torres is frickin’ fly, bruh.

  • NotoriousAGC

    yawn

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Hmm…the plot thickens.

    Carl Chery was getting sloppy seconds from Shakur and decided to big up his queen by giving her a shot at some publicity here on XXLmag.com. Thing is, she got so thoroughly shitted upon that he couldn’t even show his face around the XXL offices. My bad, Chery. For what it’s worth, though…Shakur IS a good lay. Peace…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

      I think it’s worse than that, Matt. Carl gave Shakur an STD, in which she gave to her boyfriend…who then got pissed off and sent Bol the pictures and the dirt on both Shakur and “Charles” <–typo for Carl.

      ByronCrawford.com a few weeks back explains it better.

  • willie d

    …and?

  • http://hiphopisread.blogspot.com/ Ivan

    Bol is the Sherlock Holmes of this rap chit

  • yoprince

    man…

    risk your brain cells and go back to that shakur blog. i called carl out the first day for exchanging head for guest blogs. I CALLED THAT SHIT! lol.

  • El Tico Loco

    Whoever wins I’d hit. Whoever loses I’d hit, same goes for 3rd place so there’s nothing to trip about except figuring out where you fit in

  • tommy gunz

    *sheds a tear for the poor soul that gives a fuck about a video ho*

  • latino heat

    i think Tammy is bangin but like Bol said i’ve never heard of any of these videos she’s been in. if it weren’t for XXl’s eye candy section i would have never heard of her.

    Bol’s conspiracy theory would explain why Shakur, who i thought was a shoe in for the “award” this year wasn’t even mentioned. you make good points Bol but your really need something better to do with your time then over think thing’s like this.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    I thought FOR SURE this thread would have been 50 Cent related. Or @ least, how Jigga would be celebrating. Instead, we get Shakur. Go figure.

    *cleans screen with antibacterial wipe*

  • fastflipper

    Tammy was in mrs officer from lil wayne

    tammy is a really nice women

    shes look real

    rosa and shakur have fake parts

    and shakur got a crooked eye

    • GIBZ

      I honestly dont think Rosa is fake, The bitch is just super prissy. Dominican bitches be having that prissiness in their blood. lol that whole spanish, black, white mix is what does it, plus she used to do ballet, thats why the bitch is just onpoing, i mean ballet?? shits crazy

      • valdez

        rosa’s tits are def. fake. i figured this was common knowledge.

        **goes to google shakur**

  • latino heat

    @fastflipper

    you can’t possibly think Tammy’s boobs are real, right?

  • Brooklyn

    man, fuck shakur’s cockeyeded ass. everybody knows that bitch was sucking dick to get ahead, didn’t she say that she was studying to be a head doctor? yeah, i bet she was. and how she and her crazy eye get in drake’s video unless she was playing hide the sausage with her mouth? fuck being eye candy of the year, that bitch needs some valtrex to deal with her herpicidal pussy. tammy torres got a banging body but her face is bleh, and i’d still smash esther baxter, even if she don’t look as good as she used to, i can close my eyes and imagine her as she was. i’d just love to play the drums on her big ass titties.

    • boozec

      Hmmm Everynoe says Baxter doesn’t look as goo as she used to but no one has provided any recent pictures of her. Funny thing is a few years ago I used to dream about her.

  • El Tico Loco

    If you can see the titties they’re real. Implants are better than the deception of push up bras and spanks. I rather deal with a contraption than an illusion.

  • http://www.justice.gov.za GO-Getta’

    Ya’ll commenting ’bout breast & a** implants while Soulja Boy is smashing that Rosa b*tch
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Just fucking with u,lol

  • boozec

    Shit.. I didn’t even know about the Tineye thing.. I’ll be using that for my own research.

    • geico lizard

      “I checked it using a site called Tineye, which I sometime use in my pr0n research”

      ^
      Tinyeye is a good way to find out if the ads on craigslist or backpage are real escorts or cops waiting to arrest your horny ass.

  • guttaman

    yo them employee broads at Hardees be lookin like crackheads. word.

    candidbackshots.com

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Wu-cares-Nigga

    stop putting out lies. wheres the realness yo bol stick to that you get paid more