Seniors are the new freshmen

The TIs must be done trying to inflict hipster rap on the populace.

When it was announced, yesterday or the day before, that 50 Cent would be on the cover of XXL’s Dec/Jan issue, it occurred to me that he was on last year’s Dec/Jan issue. For all I know, he could have been on the cover of every Dec/Jan issue going back to like ’03. The only reason I know he was last year is because my parents bought a copy, because it was one of the few times I wrote anything for the print version of XXL, before the Internet Soldiers put my career on hold. It’s probably still sitting on their coffee table to this day. People tend to prioritize things that are published in dead tree media, even though the things I’ve written for them have been absolute crap. Maybe I’ll frame a copy of yesterday’s post about 50 Cent banging Taheezo and give it to my mother for Christmas.

Seeing XXL’s annual “two months worth of our favorite rapper, 50 Cent” issue made me realize there was no ’09 version of XXL’s infamous Freshman 10 issue. Last year they made a whole big thing of it, both in the magazine and on the Internets, where I’m sure they figured it would go over well, since so many of the artists featured were especially (which is to say only) popular on the Internets. There was a whole separate part of this site dedicated to the Freshman 10. Remember those viral freestyle videos? It was the gift that kept on giving. If only it had given us any good music.

I don’t follow XXL the magazine closely enough to know which issue this year’s Freshman 10 should have been, but I’m assuming it was the Def Jam issue, where they couldn’t get anyone famous from Def Jam to show up to the photo shoot, so they had to settle for the likes of Method Man and Warren G. Which might actually work out in their favor. As recently as a few years ago, I used to smoke weed with some white guys who still crank Regulate: The G Funk Era on the reg. Someone with the tools and the talent ought to do a story on white people in the Midwest who never gave up on Warren G. It must be one of those phenomena similar to how the band Night Ranger is big in Japan, just like my dick.

But I digress.

The TIs must have seen the returns on that Asher Roth album and decided they’re pushing old man rap in ’10. Hence this year’s VH1 Hip Honors being a tribute to Def Jam, which still employs a number of old rappers, rather than any one old rapper in particular. And then the XXL cover, which was filled with relics from the 1990s still trying to hold on to their glory days, rather than the artists you might think they’d trot out to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Def Jam Records. Public Enemy, anyone? Slick Rick couldn’t possibly have had something else better to do. He does shows where it costs $5 to get in, and there’s five other acts on the bill. I saw one, back in like ’05. Not that I’m complaining or anything. I love ’90s rap. Even the shit from ’96 to ’99 is starting to sound better and better, via lowered expectations, as Carles would say.

This theory occurred to me yesterday, and I kept seeing things that suggest it might be true. First there was Charles Hamilton, announcing that he’s back (whatever that’s supposed to mean) by posing in front of a picture that says Charles Hamilton Is Back. If that doesn’t work, he might try posing with a coffee can that says J Dilla. He’ll have the Internets going nuts, just like in the halcyon era of four months ago. Then there’s Wale, who know better than to have Dilla produce his album via seance, or get beat up by a girl, though it doesn’t seem to have done his career any good. I read yesterday that you can’t even buy his album at Best Buy, and I’m assuming it’s not because the aforementioned Internet Soldiers bought them all. Interscope probably only shipped as many copies as necessary to say the album was definitely released before the end of this year, for tax purposes.

Even Saigon, who was on the cover of an XXL Freshman 10 issue before it was all trendy, got caught last night trying to beg some obscure video ho for her phone number, on Twitter. You know your career isn’t going well, when you can’t nail one of these video hoes. Joe Budden dropped one and found another in less time than it takes me to wash my good pair of pants. Even Red Cafe (who?) is risking the herp to hump Ashley Logan. Fortunately for Saigon, he’s old enough to pass for old man rap. He might need to holler at whoever’s running Def Jam these days, if only to get his sex life in order.

  • Capital G

    Wooooooow!!! “It must be one of those phenomena similar to how the band Night Ranger is big in Japan, just like my dick.”

    LMFAO. Tell ‘em why you mad son!

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    Funny. I love how Bol just be pulling shit out of his ass everyday. LOL No Oozinator

  • General

    Another 50 cover is pretty fuckin sad, but your right about the Freshman 10, ain’t shit happenin wit any of them as far as showing that they are gonna be around to stay…

    Funny thing is the one cat they left off the last one (Drake) is the only newcomer really generating any buzz. So maybe the labels asked XXL not to pick any of their artists for their bullshit list

    • AZ40

      Co-sign, I been sayin’ that shit XXL Freshman 10 is like the Madden Curse around this bitch

      • Around and Around

        You must be simple…

        Marketing dollars = buzz

        It’s obvious TI’s decide who will have “Buzz” and who won’t.

  • latino heat

    funny shit today Bol.

    i was also wondering where the freshmen 10 issue was this year. i figure after taking 10 consecutive L’s on last years cover thought they just said, “fuck it”.

  • Jay stone

    This post is hilarious

  • Mr. North

    It is very sad that no one under the age of 30 has any chance carrying the torch for hip-hip.

  • diamond district

    “he might try posing with a coffee can that says J Dilla”

    that shit is fuckin hilarious, in a fucked the fucked up way… Rotflmfao

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

      ^^^Word. That shit made me choke on my cigarette.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    I generally don’t feel sorry for grown men, outside of homeless dudes & handicapped niggas.

    But, I read that Twitter exchange between Sai & home chick, & I must say, I felt bad for my dude. Maybe if he had’ve just let it go when he was able to tell she was rolling her neck while she was typing, but no dice. He kept coming with the insults, & she kept telling him to go look for his career, because she can’t find it.

    Sai catches Nas sized ‘L’s without the football numbers.

    • Chilly Willy

      “…Nas sized ‘L’s without the football numbers.”
      ^^^^^^^^^^

      Damn, that’s cold !!!

      This must be a Yellow Tail-induced drop from Bol Weevil, he don’t waste any sentence in this one…

    • Enlightened

      Man y’all niggas is crazy! I had to go search dude’s twitter to see what y’all talkin about.

      He got recent messages up there trying to get from under that shit.

      Social networking is ruining muthafuckas lives

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        Yeah, social networking is the grown up equivelant to writing a girl a note in homeroom. All she has to do is hand that shit off, & your business is all in the hallways.

        She handed that niggas note to everybody @ the lunch table.

        • Enlightened

          Exactly. I remember I wrote this sweet-ass soundin’ note to a girl in 8th grade and she didn’t pass it-she never got it. A nigga snatched it out my hands and ran before I could give it to her. When I caught that nigga he had stashed the letter and niggas was on me for weeks behind that shit!

  • .tony.

    wtf/lol @ quoting carles.

  • macdatruest

    Bol need to shout me out in a blog, Im comin for ya Bol spot, meager as it is haha

  • Enlightened

    These labels is overthinkin shit nowadays. It used to be you hear about a nigga…he might have a couple guest appearances…then you hear the first single…then the album dropped.

    If you liked that nigga first single you took a chance on him and bought him. What the fuck do they think they doing by oversaturating the game with these muthafuckas.

    Perfect example is Drake. If that muthafucka wasn’t gon’ sell right after “Best I Ever Had” single hit the radio, then he ain’t never gon’ sell.

    By the time they put him out, niggas who liked him will be tired of his ass and the people who never liked him ain’t gon’ magically start after hearing him guest appear for another year.

    I don’t know what’s goin’ on.

    And again I ask, who the fuck is Ashley Logan and why the fuck is she mentioned like I’m supposed to know?

    • Mr. North

      Your right. Drake album should’ve dropped at least before the end of the summer or some shit. They need to shut down the industry for 2 yrs and not allow ANYONE to come out until THEY figure out what to do about this shit. No new people matter of fact, no one can drop for 2 years. LOL

    • Chilly Willy

      @ E

      Ashley Logan is like a video h….erm star Bol said could have herp (or not, you know how he get down) who, instead of falling back, bought a can of ether and sprayed Bol with it on a radio show. Funny shit.

      • Capital G

        Ashley Logan is also the prostitute at the center of the Elliot Spitzer “scandal”. Google that hooker.

    • $ykotic/Don McCaine

      @ E

      Funny thing you said that about Drake. I just read that youngin’ no longer has a release date. I could’ve swore it was February.

      I can hear the excuses now on why he didn’t do #’s as anticipated.

    • BIGNAT

      @Enlightened i feel you on that homie he gave away to much heat for free before his studio album. i knew he was in trouble when he repackage so far gone. now he has the hard job of being better than his past self.

    • nicholasdelorejo

      I gotta disagree with you E. Let’s look at rappers like Chingy or obie trice for instance. Both had drop successful albums. But their follow up projects bricked because they didn’t establish a name form themselves that people will remember come their next album. Drake is trying to build a name for himself so that people wuould recognize his album when it drops. Als you got to remember that Drake is in a special place because it is likely that he’ll hook up with better production and featured artists than before. He’s already on Tim’s Shock Value 2. That’s why I think Drake will do numbers. Drake is building an anticipation much greater than letting only media buzz push sales.

      • Enlightened

        I see your point, but look at artists like The Game. All we heard from him before he dropped was “Westside Story” and “Hate it or Love It” if I remember right.

        With Chingy, that nigga just got lucky and blessed. I tell people he just had the perfect lineup of singles to be successful. A crazy dance song that caught on (Right Thurr) followed up by co-signs from hip-hop royalty, (Holiday Inn) followed up by the perfect R&B/commercial type song that brought Rudy Huxtable back -in her draws at that!(One Call Away) There was no way in hell he could go 3x platinum again. He got lucky. He actually outsold the Ludacris album that came out around the same time. He still went gold on the second one though.

        But, I’m not saying Drake won’t do numbers because of that – we’ll see. What I’m really trying to say is whatever numbers he does do, I think he would have done the same numbers, or more, earlier this year. I don’t think he will benefit by waiting so long. It’s a such thing as your buzz dying down. Would you say he is as hot/anticipated right now as he was in around July?

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    That Freshman cover is a curse, just like the Sports Illustrated & Madden ones. Or maybe it’s because the labels are gonna fumigate their rosters & they didn’t know who to pick…

    The jury’s out on Sonic hitting restart. Maybe he’ll leave the teddy-bear armstraps home this time.

    And f*** Twitter.

  • Ray71

    Thats the truth about the Wale CD… Theres only one Best Buy in Chicago that has the CD and they only have 16 copies. All the other Best Buys didnt get a shipment.

  • nicholasdelorejo

    I think the main proble with the Freshmen 10 is that they haven’t latch themselves to a popular trend within rap now. Remember Papoose was considered the next superstar. He even recieved an 1.5 Mill advance when signed. However as the south became more popular, the labels couldn’t find anyway to promote him. If you look at the most popular songs and albums out now, they follow the pop-ish, alternative, electro sound (e.g. Flo-rida, Jay, BEP, Lady Gaga). The rappers I think can follow this is Cudi, Lupe, Roth, Drake and a few others. You don’t believe me? Tell me a rapper other than Em who style is different and has sold or has as much popularity as the rapper I listed.

  • Shawty J

    “Fortunately for Saigon, he’s old enough to pass for old man rap. He might need to holler at whoever’s running Def Jam these days, if only to get his sex life in order.”
    ROFL

  • BIGNAT

    “Remember those viral freestyle videos? It was the gift that kept on giving. If only it had given us any good music.” that is just cold bol but you make up for that with this one

    “Fortunately for Saigon, he’s old enough to pass for old man rap. He might need to holler at whoever’s running Def Jam these days, if only to get his sex life in order”
    LMAO you better leave saigon alone bol. he has the time to come and beat you up hahahahah

  • Master CHeef

    “Im coming for your bol spot”?

    -we’re gonna need a no homo there, ‘mac’.

    • macdatruest

      I dont say no homo, cause its never no homo in shit I say. Bitch niggas like you gotta clarify if you mean it in a faggot way or not cause people really not sure of your manhood ‘CHeef’

      So really what we need is a no homo from you, cause yet again you came right on the blog and put me in your mouth like you always do. Bloggin wit my nuts in separate window ho ass nigga haha

      • Diarrhea

        Master Cheef you just got put in your place. Was it worth it just to make some stupid little comment?

        • Master CHeef

          “cause its never no homo in shit I say”
          -are you familiar with the term: double negative?

  • Saigon’s Dick

    Where are all the Saigon stans now? Guy has been a LOSER from the start, and misgonyist– even by rap standards– also. Busted on twitter is only the latest embarrassment for this clown.

    He sold how what # of a piece of crap album that actually had decent distribution?

    And oh, I thought he was a big proud daddy now? Too stupid to wear a bag but, you know, “PROUD.”

  • capcobra

    ain’t no freshmen 10 cause it ain’t 10 freshmen worth mentioning.

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    The white people/Warren G phenomenon extends far beyond the midwest. I STILL fux with Regulate on the regulack and I’m in the Bay. It was the first hip-hop tape (yes, mafuckaz, CASSETTE TAPE) I ever owned.

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    LMAO!!! Damn this nigga got me laughing hard as fuck rite now.

    “because it was one of the few times I wrote anything for the print version of XXL, before the Internet Soldiers put my career on hold.”
    “Maybe I’ll frame a copy of yesterday’s post about 50 Cent banging Taheezo and give it to my mother for Christmas.”
    “It was the gift that kept on giving. If only it had given us any good music.”

    aight, im drunk & im tired of qouting his shit. this was fum.