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How the illuminati is helping Jay-Z buy the Yankees

Associated Content is one of these bullshit sites where they pay people who don’t have jobs Indian people wages to write articles that look like they could be from real magazines and newspapers, but then when you read them, the content is obviously bullshit. Then I guess they turn around and license the content to publications where it doesn’t matter as much if the articles are bullshit.

I thought about submitting a few articles myself, a few years ago, when I was really desperate, but I never got around to it. Because I’m the kind of broke motherfucker who won’t take money, if it means doing something I don’t want to do. I seriously doubt they would have been interested in publishing any of my research on pr0n, or the new world order, or the numerous, convoluted links between the two of them. Otherwise, I’d be one of the most prolific contributors in the history of that site, by now. And I was working, at the time, at a White Castle, where they let you eat for free, if you’re there working, and I was more often than not. In between shifts, I’d go to my parents house at night and search the refrigerator for things they were obviously done eating, and alcohol they probably forgot they owned.

But enough about me.

I was reminded of Associate Content just now, when I was catching up on the news I missed this past weekend, which I spent alternately working like a Hebrew slave and self-medicating, and I stumbled upon the work of some poor bastard who clearly didn’t have the same response to that site that I did. In a post on the often useful music news aggregator the Daily Swarm, on whether or not Michael Bloomberg and Jay-Z really are Yankees fans, there was an excerpt from an article from Associated Content on how Jay-Z’s net worth has surpassed $1 billion, and how he might be the Yankees. Oh, really?

(To give you an idea, the last few articles by this author, some douche who kinda looks like Yung Berg, have been “Using Water to Speed Up Your Metabolism and Lose Weight,” and a three-part series called “Guaranteed Ways to Make Money Everyday and Earn a Residual Income Online.” I’m not gonna lie – I’m gonna have a look at both of them, just in case.)

The gist of the post on the Daily Swarm is that both Bloomberg and Jay-Z pretend to be Yankees fans, for business purposes.

Bloomberg is from Boston, and supposedly wore red socks to a parade that took place in the Bronx, during the World Series. His PR people had to go on the offensive, lest people think he’s a Red Sox fan, in which case he might get voted out of office. I know just recently he barely won re-election, despite the ridonkulous sum he spent on his campaign, though I’m not sure whether or not that had to do with baseball. Regardless, it’s been disappointing to watch people in New York get all excited about motherfucking baseball. I thought people from New York were supposed to be all jaded and elitist and cosmopolitan? Never mind the fact that watching the Yankees win the World Series can’t possibly be exciting, since a) they win every other year, so it’s hardly a surprise; and b) the reason they’re so good is because they spend so much money, so there’s no real heroic element to it either. If you even bothered watching this year’s World Series, take some time this afternoon to reflect on your life. Are you as serious a person as you could be?

Which brings me to Jay-Z. Supposedly, he used to be a Mets fan, up until the late ’90s, when it got all trendy to be a Yankees fan. Where they got this information, I’m not sure. Maybe he mentioned being a Mets fan in one of his songs, back when he was worth a shit. You guys know I don’t listen to music very closely. I just skim through it. If only someone who gives a shit about both Jay-Z and baseball had spread the word about this before Jay performed the ur-obnoxious “Empire State of Mind” before one of the World Series games and then again at the victory parade. Would a stadium full of Yankees fans have allowed a secret Mets fan to perform at such a sacred event, or does being really into sports preclude you from realizing when someone is trying to pull a fast one on you? My little brother watches sports highlights (not to be confused with actual sports) at all hours of the day and night, and I notice the commercials they play on these sports channels seem particularly egregious.

Then there’s the matter of why Jay-Z performed at these Yankees events in the first place. Cynical hating mofo that I am, I just figured it was because he has an album to promote. Like when he gave the Pigs in a Blanket Foundation some money to allow him to turn the anniversary of the attacks of 9/11 into a commercial for the Blueprint 3. But come to find out, Jay-Z might have bigger plans than that. Who gives a rat’s ass about album sales in 2009? Selling a few hundred thousand copies of the Blueprint 3 probably isn’t worth his time and effort, especially since Live Nation probably gets almost all of that money anyway. But what if, rather than the World Series performance being a commercial for the album, the album is a sort of commercial for the World Series performance, which was designed to sell people on the idea of Jay-Z owning the Yankees?

And if you want to go even further down the rabbit hole, think about this: Would the Yankees have allowed this to happen, if they didn’t want Jay-Z to become a co-owner? They know Jay-Z has expressed interest in owning the Yankees. That Associated Content article is from the summer of 2008. And they know Jay-Z has means to do so. His Live Nation deal, which wouldn’t necessarily make very much sense otherwise, paid him a ridonkulous amount of cash upfront. The deal with Live Nation also took place in the summer of 2008. The Blueprint 3 sat on the shelf that fall, when the Yankees didn’t make the World Series, despite the fact that it was probably done and Jay had a new label situation in place. Hmm… Could it be that the performance at this year’s World Series, the release of the Blueprint 3, and even the deal with Live Nation were all part of a plan to make Jay-Z a co-owner of the Yankees? And if so, who could come up with such a plan, and what would Jay-Z have to give them in exchange? All I know is, if I’m Beanie Sigel, I’m on the lookout for black helicopters right about now.

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