Have a baby by Nas, be a millionaire
It must chap Nas' ass whenever he hears that song "Baby By Me" by 50 Cent. (No homo.)
I mean, it's bad enough he's gotta pay out the ass each month for child support for young Knight Rider Jones, who can't cost any more to feed than it costs to keep me in Yellow Tail. (We're talking very low three figures.) But every time he turns on the rrradio, he hears a song celebrating this kind of bullshit, 15 times a day, for 3 months. Man, fuck that shit!
Then adding insult to injury is the fact that Fiddy Cent makes at least 10x more money than Nas, but he somehow pays like 10x less in child support. (Both rough estimates, mind you.) This for a child that's old enough that it might cost a decent amount of money (more than I've got anyway) to take care of him. And to a mother who couldn't just sit around the rest of her life and live eat off the royalties from "Milkshake," if she wanted to. If anything, 50 Cent should be the one getting raped well into the mid five figures each month. Well, no one should, really, but you catch my drift.
It's easy to joke about paying a broad to take care of your kids, when you could afford to have as many kids as Diddy, without it being any sweat off your proverbial sack. I'm hoping that the next Nas album, like Fiddy's godawful new Before I Self Destruct, features at least three songs in which he makes reference to his domestic situation, but something Nas' songs won't be nearly as celebratory. Another "Ether" could be in order, complete with numerous references to fellatio.
We're finally starting to see signs that Nas is not about to take this lying down, like that poor girl out in scenic Richmond, CA. I read the other day on TMZ, via Sandra Rose, that Nas is trying to block Kelis from receiving "spousal support." He's already paying $44,000 to take care of Knight Rider (not the car), but she requested something ridonkulous like an additional $70,000 a month to take care of her dumb ass. Nas responded that jack shit would be a more reasonable sum. Of course, I'd have to agree. However, I'd be more impressed, if I didn't think that part of it has to do with the fact that he can barely come up with the 44k each month.
A few weeks ago, there was another story about Nas on TMZ, about how the IRS was coming after him for a few million, because he went a few years without paying any income tax. As I recall, he stopped paying around the time he signed with Def Jam, for which he received quite a bit of money, which is probably why he owes so much. Method Man got stuck for the same shit recently, and his bill wasn't nearly as much - though I talked to a guy from the IRS (really, I did) and he said that 300k or whatever figure they quoted was an estimate, based on what he'd been paying, before he stopped. For all we know, both Meth and Nas could owe way more than the figures quoted on TMZ.
If Nas had enough money to cut Uncle Sam a check for two point some-odd million dollars, I'm pretty sure he would have, a long time ago. We never would have heard about it on TMZ. Think about it: Nas is gonna have to pay that money at some point or another anyway, or he's going to jail. The IRS loves nothing more than to throw a black celebrity in jail, on some ol' bullshit, rather than letting them work, so maybe they could make the money to pay the gov't back. They like making examples out of people. And if Nas had cut that check a year ago, or two years, or if he'd just paid his taxes when they were due, maybe he could have avoided having to pay that 44k a month, on the grounds that he just plain doesn't have any money.
Alas, Nas probably never suspected Kelis would try to take him to the cleaners, as soon as she got pregnant by him. (Kaching!) Let me guess: the reason he couldn't afford to pay his taxes is because Kelis spent up all that money he got from Def Jam. Part of the reasoning behind that 44k a month was so that Kelis and Knight Rider could continue the quality of living to which she'd become accustomed. I remember reading that they had a few different homes, and all kinds of expensive shit. Nas probably wasn't sweating spending all of his money, since Kelis is capable of making her own money. At the very least she wouldn't put him in a situation where he might have to go to jail. Clearly, he was mistaken.