Before My Condom Self-Destructs

I’m sorry. I’ve got to give it to Big Green on this title. 50 Cent’s Condom Campaign Bursts”? Wowsers. That is SOHH fuckin funny! Even funnier is how they describe the campaign as “long-awaited”. Word? Is that what happened with Before I Self Destruct? I see. Niggas were really waiting for the safe sex campaign he put so much effort into and things got confusing last Tuesday. Word. I bet the line at Walgreens was gonna be off the fuckin hook.

“I was looking for the opportunity to create a new safe sex campaign. The Wrap It Up campaign is something that is used so often, it wasn’t effective anymore. So I thought this is a great opportunity for me to get involved. But it just didn’t work out because I wanted things in it that wouldn’t work.”

-50 Cent, San Francisco Gate (via SOHH)

He wanted things in it that wouldn’t work? What the fuck could this man possibly be talking about? I bet he was trying to stuff copies of Before I Self Destruct inside them condoms.

Don’t worry. I saw your comment before you typed it:

“Ron Mexico you a hatten ass fuck nigga. 50 gettin money and you broke bloger. You be hatten on 50 more then any other raper!!! I luagh @ all you 50 hatter’s. He ain’t even say why he pulled out no hommo I mean stopped da safe sex shit. It might of been them hatten ass cracker’s like you aint wanna help him help us wit da comdom’s. GO COP DAT BLOOD MONEY!!!”

-50 Stan in Comments section

Riiiiight. In all seriousness, I gave 50 the benefit of doubt myself, until:

“I wanted things that would prolong sexual performance. You could just put it on and just go.”

-50 Cent, San Francisco Gate (via SOHH)

Album insertion or not, 50 clearly wants the condoms to self-destruct with his ole non-FDA-approved G-Unit Dick Desensitizer-peddlin’ ass.

So, let me get this right. The partner company doesn’t let 50 Cent put desensitizer or whatever in the condoms… and he abandons the campaign? If that ain’t ‘bout some reptilian shit… Sigh. This is 50, I guess. I would have thought the endeavor to be about looking out for the community. Didn’t 50 want to do something about the AIDS and Maury show contestant pandemics? The peoples could definitely stand to benefit from a nigga promoting safe sex and responsibility instead of ridiculous messages like “Have a baby by me, baby! Be a millionaire.”

Are the rest of you fine haters as confused as I am? How are these hoodrats supposed to have a baby by 50 when he’s throwing condoms on people anyway? Better still, how effective is a condom use message from the same nigga who’s making it so very cool and gangsta to knock chicks up and act like child support ain’t no thang?

Aspiring rapsters, take note. Much like your average dude, musicians don’t make enough money to pay these child support judgments being handed down. Ask Nas. He had one of his in wedlock and the whole shit. Don’t go Shawn Kemp/Jason Caffey and think you’ll be able to swing it because you’re making a little change today. Worse still, you could be broke and in the pokey tomorrow! Then, you really won’t be able to pay for them times you’d gotten blented and broken in the pokey on some chick you don’t even remember fucking raw dog.

Julie the Intern and I were having a discussion about these niggas and their child support payments. We all know Nas is at risk of losing the entire Escobar enterprise with one family court mandate. Imagine what Lil’ Wayne has set himself up for. Do the mathematics. Imagine the monthly tab if each of his four baby mamas receive monthly per-child [pronounced: handbag addiction] awards even in the low tens of thousands. Let’s be kind and say these judgments tally up to a low-six-figure monthly child support bill. Now, let’s multiply that by twelve. Now, multiply that total by eighteen. This means a whole lot of cream. You don’t even get to divide the profit by four and subtract it by eight before you triple that times three and got three-quarters of another seed.

As Julie mentioned, fucking Paul McCartney would feel that pinch, let alone a soon-to-be incarcerated rapper. I don’t care if Lil’ Wayne’s got Baby as a daddy, lil’ daddy. He’s a baby daddy to some ladies and a daddy to some babies.

[Blogger’s Note: I’m not so sure you people realize how many dependants Lil’ Wayne is fucking over with this T.I. and Vick vacation he’s going on. That’s another blog entirely, though.]

As for 50, shame on a nigga for pulling out on the people like that. Pun intended.

Questions? Comments? Requests? How many condoms do you think 50 would have pushed had he gone through with this? Would he have blamed another increase in unplanned pregnancies and HIV infections on a condom leak? ron@ronmexicocity.com

A condom leak? What the hell? How sick am I? I wish you well.

  • http://www.myspace.com/idonthavearapname Mika

    LMAO
    shit ….i thought this was a joke or someshit …. this some real funny shit though. WRAP IT UP !! LMAOOOO

  • Moving Sideways

    I know there is a great joke somewhere in there between, the “Wrap It Up” campaign, Chappelle’s Show’s “Wrap It Up Box”, and judges handing down child support settlements that are outlandish. I can’t find it though.

    “Wrap That Gavel Up, B!”

  • chris

    LOL @ foxy reference

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    “baby mamas are being awarded even low tens of thousands of dollars per month per child [pronounced: handbag addiction]…”

    Quote. Of. The. Year.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      haha. thanks, syk. i had to go back and make that sentence a little more concise, though. i guess it happened while you were reading. sorry about that.

  • sealsaa

    ““Ron Mexico you a hatten ass fuck nigga. 50 gettin money and you broke bloger. You be hatten on 50 more then any other raper!!! I luagh @ all you 50 hatter’s. He ain’t even say why he pulled out no hommo I mean stopped da safe sex shit. It might of been them hatten ass cracker’s like you aint wanna help him help us wit da comdom’s. GO COP DAT BLOOD MONEY!!!””

    Straight out of the Thisis50 comments section.

    • JAY STONE

      Damn selsa you beat me to it.
      That’s hilarious.

  • Ron Mega

    just a bad idea from start to finish…that’s a good topic on baby mama support payments…how P-Diddy manages to stay afloat…oh and Baby lookin like Mr. Hanky in this ad that stay on the page…lookin like a turd fo real…

  • Chilly Willy

    “Would he have blamed another increase in unplanned pregnancies and HIV infections on a condom leak?”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    A beef against Trojan ain’t too far-fetched, I guess.

    “A condom leak? What the hell? How sick am I? I wish you well.”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Hahaha!!! Now Ron, that’s just meeaan …

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i wish you HEALTH…

      it can go on forever. hahahaa.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Imagine you’re getting all freaky with your girl, & you lean over & grab a condom with 50′s face on it. That’s birth control enough right there. Unless you’re one of those niggas who stay hitting them dog-faced broads.

    When Wayne cuts his hair for the Big House, he might as well sell each dreadlock on E-Bay. Those european teenagers would be emptying their purses & manbags to have that shit. Probably plant it in the yard & see if they can grow their own gremlin. 3 words for you Wayne; Savings. Bonds. Nigga.

    • Gloveson

      I’m Irish and i actually agree with you there Tony, OH MY FUCKING GOD……..I GOT SOME OF WEEZY’S HAIR, SOMEBODY TOUCH ME, I SAID SOMEBODY FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!

  • Brooklyn

    “Are the rest of you fine haters as confused as I am? How are these hoodrats supposed to have a baby by 50 when he’s throwing condoms on people anyway?”

    poke holes in them shits. 50 wouldn’t care, didn’t he say something like “have a baby by me, baby be a millionaire i write the check before the baby comes, who the fuck cares” in that song “i get money?” the irony is, to my knowledge dude only has one son, which means that he probably keeps his joint wrapped up tighter than an afghan housewife during the taliban’s height.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Grand$ in rare form!!! Y’all give it up for Tony Grand$!!!!!!

  • http://www.obeseamerica.com sankofa

    Never knew Caffey was part of the family orchard business.

  • BIGNAT

    “I don’t care if Lil’ Wayne’s got Baby as a daddy, lil’ daddy. He’s a baby daddy to some ladies and a daddy to some babies.”
    ron ron you crazy with this joint see these guys gotta do like diddy does. he takes his bm out every once and a while give her some new shit. keep the kids fresh and new weave on her head. when she gets salty he banging a new broad he just gives her a persent and some dick and that shuts her up. if you don’t got the jew unit like 50 you better treat your bm nice.

  • Capital G

    “You don’t even get to divide the profit by four and subtract it by eight before you triple that times three and got three-quarters of another seed”

    Perfection.

  • sealsaa

    @ JAY STONE

    LOL, if Mex is anything, he’s akkurett(play on accurate, word to Beanie Sigel)

  • Tezzy

    Wtf who cares this blog was pointless

  • that nigga

    Now, let’s multiply that by twelve. Now, multiply that total by eighteen. This means a whole lot of cream. You don’t even get to divide the profit by four and subtract it by eight before you triple that times three and got three-quarters of another seed.
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    The FIRM Baby

    Classic how you flipped that shit NaS wrote for Foxy on that song.

    • Arounda and Around

      Exactly what I thought good shit!!

  • awesome arsenal

    he probably wanted to do somethin gangsta with it, like make it bulletproof or somethin. you know it’s real out there on the front lines. word to the durafram diaphram

  • MB

    This is crazy! When this boy started doing the math on Wayne’s situation it put the whole thing in perspective. That youngster will be spending a lot of bread on child support. He better hope none of them chicks move to California when they file for support. I hear the child support court out there is vicious! Good luck Wayne.

  • gon pucons

    ya know this post might have been a lot better if 50 baby moms didn’t go to court to get MORE child support and left the court room with LESS (like thousands less not the two dollars average nigras pray for) AND homeless because the house that her and her boyfriend stayed in burned to the ground. When comes to the handling of crazy baby mommas 50 at the top and nas(needs to find a better lawyer) and wayne(will need O.J.’s lawyer team in about 2 years) at the bottom. As far as condomns go why would a dude want his face behind one in the first place? GTFOH nigga ain’t go where cuz you pushing them and if they do I’m pretty sure they won’t have to worry bout pregnancy<< amirite?

  • chillin mayne

    jaaaaaaaaaaaa, hillarious blog son… all throughout, i was guffawin as usaual with that 50 stan part jajajajaj, classic…

    to survive the drought, i wish u well, / get it? i wish u well? / how sick am i?, i wish u health -JIGGA JAY-Z, bigga babyyyyy

    keep the knee slappers comin son…im havin a whale of a good time readin these…