Before My Condom Self-Destructs

I’m sorry. I’ve got to give it to Big Green on this title. “50 Cent’s Condom Campaign Bursts”? Wowsers. That is SOHH fuckin funny! Even funnier is how they describe the campaign as “long-awaited”. Word? Is that what happened with Before I Self Destruct? I see. Niggas were really waiting for the safe sex campaign he put so much effort into and things got confusing last Tuesday. Word. I bet the line at Walgreens was gonna be off the fuckin hook.

“I was looking for the opportunity to create a new safe sex campaign. The Wrap It Up campaign is something that is used so often, it wasn't effective anymore. So I thought this is a great opportunity for me to get involved. But it just didn't work out because I wanted things in it that wouldn't work.”

-50 Cent, San Francisco Gate (via SOHH)

He wanted things in it that wouldn’t work? What the fuck could this man possibly be talking about? I bet he was trying to stuff copies of Before I Self Destruct inside them condoms.

Don’t worry. I saw your comment before you typed it:

“Ron Mexico you a hatten ass fuck nigga. 50 gettin money and you broke bloger. You be hatten on 50 more then any other raper!!! I luagh @ all you 50 hatter's. He ain’t even say why he pulled out no hommo I mean stopped da safe sex shit. It might of been them hatten ass cracker's like you aint wanna help him help us wit da comdom's. GO COP DAT BLOOD MONEY!!!”

-50 Stan in Comments section

Riiiiight. In all seriousness, I gave 50 the benefit of doubt myself, until:

“I wanted things that would prolong sexual performance. You could just put it on and just go."

-50 Cent, San Francisco Gate (via SOHH)

Album insertion or not, 50 clearly wants the condoms to self-destruct with his ole non-FDA-approved G-Unit Dick Desensitizer-peddlin’ ass.

So, let me get this right. The partner company doesn't let 50 Cent put desensitizer or whatever in the condoms… and he abandons the campaign? If that ain’t ‘bout some reptilian shit... Sigh. This is 50, I guess. I would have thought the endeavor to be about looking out for the community. Didn’t 50 want to do something about the AIDS and Maury show contestant pandemics? The peoples could definitely stand to benefit from a nigga promoting safe sex and responsibility instead of ridiculous messages like “Have a baby by me, baby! Be a millionaire.”

Are the rest of you fine haters as confused as I am? How are these hoodrats supposed to have a baby by 50 when he’s throwing condoms on people anyway? Better still, how effective is a condom use message from the same nigga who’s making it so very cool and gangsta to knock chicks up and act like child support ain’t no thang?

Aspiring rapsters, take note. Much like your average dude, musicians don’t make enough money to pay these child support judgments being handed down. Ask Nas. He had one of his in wedlock and the whole shit. Don’t go Shawn Kemp/Jason Caffey and think you’ll be able to swing it because you’re making a little change today. Worse still, you could be broke and in the pokey tomorrow! Then, you really won’t be able to pay for them times you’d gotten blented and broken in the pokey on some chick you don’t even remember fucking raw dog.

Julie the Intern and I were having a discussion about these niggas and their child support payments. We all know Nas is at risk of losing the entire Escobar enterprise with one family court mandate. Imagine what Lil’ Wayne has set himself up for. Do the mathematics. Imagine the monthly tab if each of his four baby mamas receive monthly per-child [pronounced: handbag addiction] awards even in the low tens of thousands. Let’s be kind and say these judgments tally up to a low-six-figure monthly child support bill. Now, let’s multiply that by twelve. Now, multiply that total by eighteen. This means a whole lot of cream. You don’t even get to divide the profit by four and subtract it by eight before you triple that times three and got three-quarters of another seed.

As Julie mentioned, fucking Paul McCartney would feel that pinch, let alone a soon-to-be incarcerated rapper. I don’t care if Lil’ Wayne’s got Baby as a daddy, lil’ daddy. He’s a baby daddy to some ladies and a daddy to some babies.

[Blogger’s Note: I’m not so sure you people realize how many dependants Lil’ Wayne is fucking over with this T.I. and Vick vacation he’s going on. That’s another blog entirely, though.]

As for 50, shame on a nigga for pulling out on the people like that. Pun intended.

Questions? Comments? Requests? How many condoms do you think 50 would have pushed had he gone through with this? Would he have blamed another increase in unplanned pregnancies and HIV infections on a condom leak? ron@ronmexicocity.com

A condom leak? What the hell? How sick am I? I wish you well.