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A god damn arms race

These dumbass rappers must think Gucci Mane’s Cold War series of mixtapes was successful because people actually want to listen to four mixtapes in a row, not because white people enjoy making fun of Gucci Mane.

This weekend, I hear Soulja Boy released his own set of three mixtapes, timed to coincide with Halloween, and I saw just now where the Game, not to be outdone, is dropping a set of four mixtapes, sometime in the next week. He’d better hurry, before another one of these bum-ass rappers – Freeway or somebody – beats him to the punch.

I’m halfway tempted to DL and have a look at the Soulja Boy tapes (no fishsticks), even though it appears I might be the only one. Towards the end of last week, Elliott “Here Comes a Regular” Wilson, took to the sidebar of RapPravda (where he makes such bold pronouncements), to announce that no one would be checking for the Soulja Boy Halloween mixtapes, because Soulja Boy can’t rap as well as RapPravda benefactor Eminem. Whether this was on order from RapPravda’s secret white owner, I’m not sure.

If it wasn’t for the hassle of trying to find and download three mixtapes (I could see if it was some pr0n), I might listen to those Soulja Boy tapes, just to see how Soulja Boy went about filling out three hours-plus worth of empty mixtape. His songs mostly just consist of him taking an ignorant phrase, usually having to do with how much money he’s got, and repeating it ad nauseum. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he put all three of them together in the time since those Gucci Mane tapes hit the Internets, a couple of weeks ago.

On the other hand, Soulja Boy might have been tempted to actually try to rap, so people will take him more seriously as an MC. Otherwise, why even bother releasing a series of three mixtapes? I could see releasing one mixtape, if he’s got something that costs money that he’s trying to promote, but he could have just as easily made a video of himself taking a piss on some money and giving it to a homeless person. (If he uses this idea, it’s only right that I should receive some sort of fee.)

This reminds me of a few years ago, when Bow Wow was trying to get people to accept him as a grown-ass man. Remember, he did that episode of Entourage where he was banging a broad, and you could kinda see his nuts? No homo. I remember he put out a buncha mixtapes, too, but everyone just kinda pretended he didn’t. They probably only served to confuse his real fanbase. I hope he didn’t say anything too vulgar. Similarly, I checked the Internets this morning (i.e. 12 in the afternoon), and I don’t see where anyone had much to say about Soulja Boy’s Halloween tapes.

Maybe there just wasn’t enough Soulja Boy to get people interested. Gucci Mane already released three mixtapes on the same day. Anyone who’s seen This Is Spinal Tap should realize you can’t top the next man by playing at the exact same volume. You’ve gotta go all the way up to 11. That’s why these ’80s babies stay losing. They lack cultural literacy. The Game, who turns 30 this month? Not so much. He took to Twitter this morning to announce that he’s planning on releasing four mixtapes in the same day, at some point in the next week or so.

As is the case with Soulja Boy, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Game really is attempting to crank out enough material to fill four mixtapes, in the span of maybe a few weeks. I’m sure he already had some material stockpiled, because he’s got an album coming out, supposedly before the end of the year, and so he was probably already busy gathering songs that weren’t good enough to be on the album, half-assed freestyles over other people’s music and what have you. Still, four mixtapes is a tall order. I doubt he had four hours worth of such bullshit.

The Game must have a wild hair up his ass, like when he made those 15 minute songs going at Fiddy. Back then, he’d been let go from G-Unit, and Dre wouldn’t work on the Doctor’s Advocate, which ended up being nails anyway. This time, the Game is probably concerned that no one seems to give a shit about the songs that leaked from the Red Album. No Weezer. I saw a couple of them were posted here the other day, and I meant to have a listen, but then I saw Beanie Sigel had a song where he was going at Hov, and I was like, fuck that shit!

Then the weekend – an especially drunken Halloween weekend – arrived, and I forgot all about it. To this day, I haven’t gotten around to listening to any of this new Game stuff. Depending on what today’s Ass Parade is like, maybe I will this afternoon, or maybe I won’t. It just goes to show, sometimes you’re better off putting out one song going at someone’s neck, rather than a number of songs that don’t appear to be about anything in particular. If I sit around and listen to rap music for a living, and I couldn’t find the time to listen to two new Game songs, how in the fuck am I gonna find time to listen four hours worth?

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