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Why Lil Wayne is facing a year in jail

I’ve spent about five minutes researching this Lil Wayne trial, and I’m at a loss for how he might end up doing a year in the pokey. He must be trying to get locked up, for publicity purposes.

Back in July of ’07, Lil Wayne got busted in New York for having a gun on his tour bus. I remember, at the time, the late, great Dallas Penn doing a post about how dumb it was that he got caught with a gun that didn’t even have any ammunition. (I also seem to recall Ja Rule, of all people, getting busted for the same thing, that same night, but I could be mistaken. And I’m not about to conduct any more research.) This was back when DP was doing a post on Lil Wayne at least every other day, perhaps as some sort of concept art comment on the fact that they kept putting him on the cover of XXL. Or maybe he was just lazy. Who knows?

Then the case just kinda got swept under the rug. I never would have guessed it would lead to an actual trial, with Lil Wayne on MTV showing up to court in metrosexual Perry Ellis gear, and talk that he might actually do a year in the joint. Don’t these things usually just go away. In that two or three year period between when white guys on the Internets started pretending as if Lil Wayne was worth listening to and the release of Tha Carter III, it seemed like Lil Wayne, or the people on his tour bus, would get busted for guns, sizzurp, weed and what have you every few weeks. Then you’d never hear about it again. I remember one time they got caught down in Tennessee or somewhere with an underage girl who was supposedly Baby’s wife, thus leading me to believe that the Birdman’s proclivity for preying on children might be one of the great untold stories of modern day hip-hop. The Smoking Gun might want to hop on that.

NYPD must be trying to make an example out of Lil Wayne. A few years ago, I read the book by the guy who invented the infamous Hip Hop Police, and it sounded like some pretty egregious. I wouldn’t be surprised if 5-0 didn’t even have probable cause to search Lil Wayne’s tour bus. One of the black officers was probably aware of Lil Wayne’s addiction to sizzurp, and ensured his superiors they’d find something illegal on the bus. Indeed, I read on MTV News just now that one of the main points in the trial is whether or not 5-0 could smell weed on the bus, giving them a reason to search. There definitely was weed on the bus (obvs), but they might not have even been smoking at the time.

Hilariously, Lil Wayne’s Jewish lawyer also felt it important to point out that Lil Wayne was in his underwear, with between 12 and 20 other guys, when the search went down. (Whether or not Baby’s underage bride was there, I’m not sure.)

“[Lil Wayne] was in the bus in his boxer shorts with a number of other people,” [his lawyer Stacey Richman] said. “Unless his boxer shorts had a pocket for this gun, I don’t understand how he had it on him.”
Both attorneys questioned why the other 12 to 20 people on the bus were not arrested along with Wayne, given New York laws that require that everyone in a vehicle with an unclaimed gun be charged if that vehicle is searched by police.

From what I understand, they found the gun in the bathroom, and they just assumed it belonged to Lil Wayne, probably because that’s who they were there to bust. Then, using what the AP refers to as a controversial process to obtain a DNA sample using a minuscule amount of genetic materially, they determined, scientifically, that the gun must have belonged to Lil Wayne. This despite the fact that Wayne’s lawyer, who’s supposedly well-known in the music biz, claims to have proof that it was legally registered to Lil Wayne’s manager, Cortez Bryant. It sounds to me like the gun might have gotten some of Lil Wayne’s “genetic material” on it from sitting in that bathroom. (Ick!) How that makes it his gun is beyond me. I was pre-med, but I’m pretty sure I could have gotten this case tossed out on my own, Colin Ferguson-style.

The only thing I can think is that this must be a conspiracy on the part of Lil Wayne’s lawyer and the TIs to have Lil Wayne tossed in the pokey, where he can dry out. They’re concerned with the fact that it’s been going on two years since Tha Carter III came out, and he’s yet to come up with a followup, despite the fact that it couldn’t possibly require much in the way of effort. And they figure some time in jail might be good for his buzz, like it was for Gucci Mane. I just hope he doesn’t end up dying in there, under weird circumstances, like Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, or the Levert brother who got behind on his child support. I’m sure the anal sex won’t be an issue, but I hear those sizzurp withdrawals are no joke.

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