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Plies: Kind of a pussy?

I heard that segment on Jamie Foxx’s show on Sirius satellite radio about Plies being confronted on the set of one of his videos, and I wasn’t sure whether or not to take it as confirmation at last that Plies is kind of a pussy.

On the one hand, hiding in a closet somewhere while Jamie Foxx confronted them sounds like some pretty weak shit. Which is not to say that that’s not what I would have done, if I would have been in that situation. But on the other hand, there were like 30 of them, all dressed in oversized white t-shirts, and probably not because they could afford better and they were just trying to make a fashion statement. What would 2Pac have done in this situation?

There have been a number of clues, over the years, that Plies might not be as much of a badass as he and the TIs would like you to think.

The first sign was a couple of years ago, when I read an article over at HipHopDX about an incident Plies was involved in outside of a nightclub down in Florida. It sounded like the typical negro nonsense. One guy may have scuffed another guy’s expensive Nikes, or some shit. A little Hpnotiq might have gotten on the Swooshtika. If I had the means I’d set up permanent cameras in areas where shit like that might happen, just in case. Maybe one day World Star Hip Hop will reach that level. They’ve been absolutely visionary in their work with cam hoo-ers.

I wouldn’t have thought anything of it the story on Plies, except I was surprised to learn that he’s a middle aged man named Algernod, who didn’t have any criminal record to speak of until just then. Seriously? It may not be uncommon to hear about someone who committed a serious crime, who didn’t have a criminal record up until that point. For example, I seem to recall that one of the kids who split Derrion Albert’s head open to the white meat hadn’t been in the system. But he was just a high school kid. Plies is probably more than twice his age.

What’s the likelihood that Plies lives the life he sings about in his songs, but he’s somehow managed to evade law enforcement (Officer Ricky ‘nem) all this time? Lord knows I can hardly drive to City Hall to pay one bullshit speeding ticket, without having to look over my shoulder for 5-0, lest I get another one. And I drive a minivan.

I consulted the world’s most accurate encyclopedia, and, wouldn’t you know, Plies went to college. Yeah, he didn’t graduate, but that’s probably just because he wasn’t smart enough. Even if his mom was the head of the English department, and he was allowed to attend for free, and it was an HBCU, he may have struggled for a few years and just said, fuck it, and been bitter about it for the rest of his life. No shots at Kanye West, who’s having a hard enough year as it is. In an age when so many black guys can’t even graduate from inner city high schools, the fact that Plies even started college in the first place ought to be a red flag.

All of a sudden, Plies’ music is starting to make sense to me. One of the first Plies songs I ever heard was a song posted to this site’s Bangers section, which someone told me was hilarious, because Plies kept using the term “cracka” (as in a white person) over and over again. Indeed, I listened to it, and it was. Even if it wasn’t for all of the c-bombs, it might still be one of the most vulgar songs I’ve ever heard – with the caveat that Neko Case (who is kinda gangsta) is the top artist in my last.fm. However, as someone pointed out in the comments section way back when, the point Plies was making in that song was suspiciously well thought out. It wasn’t just him shouting, fuck these crackas, ad nauseum, which I’m sure would have been good enough, for Noz’s purposes.

Then there was that song by him that – I’m not gonna lie – I actually kinda liked. It sounded sorta like a New Edition song, thus reminding me of the last time R&B was worth listening to, a good 20 years ago at this point. Who wants to bet the production was Plies’ idea? That was probably his jam, back in high school. When he wasn’t busy studying, that is.

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