DMX: Live from Colorado Springs

In case you couldn’t tell from the scheduled MMA debacle, we’re onto a whole new season of Crack Attack Jack on BBC America in conjunction with The Ghetto’s Finest News Source. This week we get our hero, DMX, reacting to security putting the kabash on a performance at the Colorado community center featured on South Park.

You know, Season 7, Episode 2—the one where the crips and bloods have a sleepover.

[Blogger’s Note: No, not that BBC. Brothers Burnin’ Crills.]

As if watching DMX’s entourage and community center security fight over his hollow shell weren’t enough, as that was a show unto itself, the Dark Man has a fan-ready response to the melee-slash-debacle.

“F*CK THEM SHAKY F*GGOT ASS PROMOTERS!!! SORRY MY FANS IN COLORADO!! I TRIED MY BEST, BUT THIS INDUSTRY IS FULL OF BULLSH*T….PS – F*CK A F*GGOT A** PUNK POLICE PIG…I AM THE LAW”

DMX, Twitter.com, via SOHH.com (hence the censorship)

Who the fuck is DMX’s manager and why is he allowed to have a Twitter account? You know damn well that nigga is gonna confess to a murder on the shit one day.

“FUCK!!! DOG!!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BUT THIS STRIPPER LOOK DEAD!!! SHORTY WAS LOOKIN RIGHT A MINUTE AGO!!!”

–DMX via Twitter, sometime in the future

Here’s the real question. Why am I not following DMX? Hmmm… Be right back. *runs to follow DMX*

I love how DMX tweets in all caps, as you’d imagine. The account looks hella fake, but SOHH reported a story using it as a basis, so the shit must be real, right?

But, I digress. “Fuck a faggot ass punk police pig?!” “I am the law?!” That’s the X I know! Grrrrr. ARF! ARF! I guess that’s why his saga is The Neverending Story of fail. He rides Falcor nightly to a place no one else can go. I get it. This is probably why X thinks he’s de-llawwww, on some Judge Dredd shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t be kicking a dog while he’s down, right? Perhaps his management and the promoters never told X the specifics of his performance agreement in a frequency dogs [pron: crackheads] are able to hear. “Performance at 9PM” might have translated to “Yes. Smoke that woolah,” or may not have registered as sound altogether.

Niggas have to abide by rules and shit, even when they are former megastars getting paid to perform. I’m not defending the highly unprofessional rent-a-cops who seemed to get a real kick out of fucking with DMX and his merry band of miscreants. But maybe community centers have to close after a certain time and when you show up at 11:30 instead of 9, you might not be allowed to rock.

Damn, rock? Sorry. That was a poor choice of words there. Also, I don’t know if this is really a community center. It’s just got familiar symptoms of a community center, like all the damn lights being on. I bet that only added to X’s confusion and subsequent frenzy.

If you were in the Colorado Springs area the night of Crack Attack Jack – Season 7, Episode 2 and can shed some light on what the fuck we’re seeing and reading, please feel free to holler at a nigga.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Seriously, get at me, dog. ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • AZ40

    Being the law is one of the many things that got him in trouble before…Jimmy says “Ddddd-on’t be dddddd-issin’ my nigggas”

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      oooooh. 2 points!

      how could i have let that slip?

  • AZ40

    Being the law is one of the many things that got him in trouble before…Jimmy says “Ddddd-on’t be dddddd-issin’ my nigggas”

  • hate

    good drop fam.

    rappers are always late. even lowlevel rappers who’ve barely done any shows in their life.

    doesn’t matter. they still gon’ be late as fuck.

    if the south park community redneck center wanted him there at 9 they shoulda told him 6:30

  • http://tonygrands.blackberry.net Tony Grands

    Mex,

    Maybe Falcor saw The Nothing & decided it wasn’t worth it. Somebody needs tell Bastian to turn the fucking page already.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      god bless you, tony. glad to know i wasn’t the only latch key kid who had to watch that shit every time it rained.

      • anutha_level

        word to giant talkin trees…

  • Master CHeef

    no one ethers the dark man quite like ron mex.

  • Worley

    Reasons why I fux with Mex after I burn:

    “we’re onto a whole new season of Crack Attack Jack on BBC America… No, not that BBC. Brothers Burnin’ Crills”

    ‘Performance at 9PM’ might have translated to ‘Yes. Smoke that woolah,’ or may not have registered as sound altogether”

    I got the giggles like a muh right now.

  • DV8

    maybe X was chasing the flying dog?

    BTW, now that I think about it who ever wrote “The Never Ending Story” must have been on some awesome hallucinigens (spell check).

    Im kinda interested in that new weird looking movie coming out soon. I will be “enhanced” when I go see it.

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    “The account looks hella fake, but SOHH reported a story using it as a basis, so the shit must be real, right?”

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaa

    also, LOLz @ “Maybe I shouldn’t be kicking a dog while he’s down, right?”

    ohhh man. This is why XXL pays you the big bucks, Mex.