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A Eulogy for My Boo

No, this is not a lament for a dead girlfriend. Well, I guess it kind of is in a way.

I was still attending high school in 1996, which makes me an old, irrelevant, hatin-ass nigga. I know. “My Boo” by Ghost Town DJs from the So So Def Bass All-Stars album was that shit back when I was a teen and still relevant to society. We’re talking back in the days when I had yet to pay a bill of my own or sexify a fine wimminz—but was of course, center of the music-buying universe.

[Blogger’s Note: I’m rolling my eyes here.]

You know. The good old days when the music industry understood that adults bought rap records too, and that young people wanted what the grown folks fucked with. Today there’s some mass campaign to undermine everyone’s intelligence at once, and it’s even undershooting the juveniles, ha.

But I digress. Sorry. Nostalgia gets the best of me sometimes.

Little Jermaine Dupri and his So-So Dwarves were absolutely killing shit at this time. Dallas Austin was what we’d consider the now-extinct superproducer. OutKast had already sold a gang of Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik and ATLiens units and was positioning to blastoff into hyperspace, taking the rest of the Dungeon Family along. Despite being broke for some strange reason, TLC was just coming down from CrazySexyCool. I think “Waterfalls” was still in fucking rotation. Monica was coasting off Miss Thang. Needless to say, it was a good time to be from Atlanta and making negro music. It’s never not been, but you’d think Atlanta just started popping off if you listened to the commenters on some of these rap-flavored websites.

Mariah Carey’s “H.A.T.E.U.” remix is the latest mockery of “My Boo”. Granted, Pitbull, Lloyd and P-p-play N Skillz fucked it up just a couple years ago with “Secret Admirer”, but nobody listened to that shit or gave a flying fuck. Given what a few of the participants on the “H.A.T.E.U.” remix have accomplished in terms of legacy, it’s amazing to see how little they care about making such hot fucking garbage. This track belittles Mariah Carey, Big Boi, OutKast, Jermaine Dupri, and whatever’s left of the So So Def Bass All-Stars.

I guess by now they’re the So So Def Base All-Stars. They’re probably high on crack huddled over a flaming trash can as you read this. The most fucked up part is, with the destruction of “My Boo”, they won’t even have the satisfaction of being simultaneously recognized and pitied as some kid steps over them while napping off a crack bender in the subway station or shopping center parking lot.

Dupri signing off on, and probably suggesting this travesty of music, is likely a byproduct of he and his Ocean’s 7 cohorts’ financial irresponsibility. Too bad the Ghost Town DJs can’t do shit about it. They’ve got to sit back and watch their track get molested because Janet Jackson stopped giving Dupri allowance and this little nigga can’t cover his hotel/casino tab anymore.

Suga Momma’s not alone watching her life’s work go down in a sea. Carey singing the watered down version of Rayona Graham’s melody equals fail. A Big Boi ignorant to the fact that his career is over if he needs the warmth of Gucci Mane’s nutsack to stay Leftfoot equals fail. Jew Mane on anything but a speech pathology educational resource equals fail.

Needless to say, Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman and their gingivitis grills should never have touched this track on a level beyond shitty mixtape exploration. And I still don’t know how they would have worked “Alaska”, “ice chain”, “nice brain” and “chickens” into “My Boo” seamlessly.

I meant that shit I said about Big Boi too. When Gucci Mane has the best verse on a track you’ve contributed to, it’s time to retire with dignity. Either that or snatch Andre 3000 up out the Men’s Wearhouse and get to work on some Kast shit, nigga. Big Boi needs to do one of the two. Nigga startin to look like he’s trynna earn himself a So Icey contract and the costume jewelry that comes with it.

In the meantime, I say good night to my sweet boo in autumn. At least she didn’t leave in summer.

Questions? Comments? Requests? And that’s real, Jazzy Belle.

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